The Humor List
 

TRAFFIC REPORT FOR NOVEMBER 2018

TRAFFIC REPORT MENU
1. Welcome And Comments

2. Humor List Staff
3. Contributors' Tips
4. Become A Contributor
5. Traffic Report
6. Contributors' Daily Submission Counts
7. Humor List Goals
8. The 10 Basic Rules
9. Subscribing Instructions
10. Navigating Simplelists
11. Finding the Archives
12. Follow us on Social Media
13. Doug's Traditional Humor Contribution
14. The Humor List Website Navigation

WELCOME TO THE MONTH OF: NOVEMBER 2018
Hi, everyone, this is Doug and Sandy, with this month's Traffic Report - our sixteenth month as a subscriber-supported group and our wonderful contributors are doing a fantastic job each month!! Our Contributors are the best!! If you read a post that you particularly liked - a little "fan mail" to the contributor is always welcomed! Just remember to hit the "Reply" on the email and do not send your personal message to the whole group!

Once a month, during the first part of the month, the Traffic Report is posted to the entire humor list. We hope that you have found that posting the monthly Traffic Report directly to our website and providing everyone a link, has been easier to follow our progress.

Doug:  It's getting near the end of the year, so let me wish you a good holiday shopping season and a happy holiday for all the different celebration days in December. 2018 was the first full year of the subscriber-supported Humor List. Look for our Yearly Traffic Report early in 2019.

Sandy:   There are a few new notices for contributors, located under Contributor Tips.

On Dec 1, all of the December 2017 archived posts from SimpleLists will be permanently moved to our website and will no longer available through SimpleLists. Posts from January 2018-December 2018 will remain available on SimpleLists only. Every month we will be adding the current month to our website and deleting it from SimpleLists - maintaining 12 months of archived files on SimpleLists available to subscribing members ONLY!

Files are currently being re-organized on our website, The Humor List Archive. If you find a broken link, let Sandy know what page you were attempting to reach so she can repair those links she missed. Thank you!!



* WOW!      We hit 394 posts. We have some very dedicated and hard-working contributors!

The Humor List Exciting Event

** A very special mention to the 4 Contributors that posted daily for NOVEMBER 2018 ** A very special mention to the 4 Contributors that posted daily for November 2018!
    Sandy (AKA MsSam) - 21st Consecutive Month
    Humoress1 - 15th Consecutive Month
    George Matyjewicz - 7th Consecutive Month
    Paul Benoit - 2nd Consecutive Month


The Humor List Exceptional Posting

*** Even with the end-of-the-year holidays, it continues being quite impressive what our dedicated contributors are doing again this month! What a remarkable job with 394 posts for November! Our average for the first 11 months of 2018 is at 13.68 jokes per day. Our daily average for November was  13.1 jokes per day. ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC!!

The Humor List Amazing Event

If you have a complaint or comment regarding a post - send it to: admin1@thehumorlist.us
If you have a complaint or comment regarding the Traffic Report - send it to: comments@thehumorlist.us
(This report updated with current information: NOVEMBER 2018 )
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THE HUMOR LIST STAFF IS COMPRISED OF:  
Sandy (AKA MsSam): Member Services, Correspondence, and "Rules Cop" - admin1@thehumorlist.us
Doug Harter: Assistant Admin, Archivist, and Traffic Reporter - traffic@thehumorlist.us
Maurizio Mariotti: Twitter Account Management - twitter@thehumorlist.us
Bill Edwards: Founder and List-Owner Emeritus
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** CONTRIBUTORS' TIPS **
TIME CHANGE:
REMEMBER, clocks were set back one hour (Spring ahead, Fall backwards). Because SimpleLists' server does not change times, our posting times have to. Our new posting schedule is from 11PM -11PM (PST). All posts received after 11:01PM PST will be in the next day's Digest.


DUPLICATES
The Christmas season is coming up and with the massive selection of jokes that can be posted - keep a watchful eye that you aren't submitting one that has already been shared.

WHAT ARE THE CURRENT POSTING RESTRICTIONS?
Originally The Humor List "Rules" stated that only 1 post per day was allowed. Since then, that restriction was lifted and multiple posts were allowed. It has been noted that recently that some contributors are overly zealous in their desire to share humorous posts - creating massive Digests for subscribers. Doug and I have discussed a reasonable compromise and now have set limits at NO MORE THAN 3 posts per email address per "posting day". Effective January 2019, ALL posts exceeding the 3 post limit will be deleted from the daily Digest AND not counted towards a contributor's totals for that day.

*REVIEW: THE HUMOR LIST RULES
1 - Only substantial examples of humorous material should be posted to this list.
a. Give priority to current humor.
b. Classic humor from the past is welcomed.
c. When posting from another source, cite the source when credit is due.
d. Comments or witty retorts go to the poster, not to THE HUMOR LIST. Do NOT use "Reply to All."
e. Pease do not re-print lines from recent THE HUMOR LIST postings.
f. Posting a significant funny list is okay - adding to a list becomes tiresome. Forward any additions to the original poster.
g. Technical computer programming humor should be avoided except when it can be enjoyed by all - including non-technical members.
h. Riddles should be humorous and posted with their answers.

ADMINISTRATIVE CHANGES
Looking at the 2018 numbers, there's a few minor changes on the administrative side of the house. Contributors that have posted less than 12 days total in 2018, will be dropped when we do our monthly "contributor" counts for 2019 monthly Traffic Reports and I will be removing their names from the database I maintain on The Humor List website. Should an effected contributor begin posting again, it's a simple process to add their names back to the contributors' count and database. They are NOT being removed from the approved list of contributors maintained on SimpleLists. Sometimes things come up in our personal lives and not being a regular contributor happens to all of us.



Archive for Tips and Tricks
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BECOME A CONTRIBUTOR
We have the best group of contributors - some posting every day and some posting multiple times daily. If you'd like information on how to join this elite group of merry men (and women) - send one of the Admin staff an email and we'll gladly answer all your questions. Everyone subscribing to The Humor List is encouraged to become a Contributor. Send your humor to thehumorlist@simplelists.com.
- Keep in mind that new Contributors are moderated until they can demonstrate an understanding and compliance of The Rules.
- You will not immediately see your posts (if you receive individual postings) until they are approved by Doug or Sandy.
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TRAFFIC REPORT
Total Jokes Submitted This Month 394
WEEK SUN MON TUE WED THU FRI SAT
#1         13 14 11
#2 7 15 11 11 11 10 14
#3 13 10 9 20 10 14 14
#4 14 13 14 19 14 14 18
#5 10 14 13 13 16 15  

Total Contributors Submitting
WEEK SUN MON TUE WED THU FRI SAT
#1         8 10 7
#2 6 9 7 7 7 7 7
#3 8 7 7 11 6 8 9
#4 9 9 8 10 7 9 9
#5 7 8 8 8 10 8  

Statistical Comparisons
  NOVEMBER 2018 OCTOBER 2018 NOVEMBER 2017 NOVEMBER 2016
# Jokes for the Month: 394 402 355 164
# Submission Days for the Month: 30 31 30 30
# Average Jokes Per Day for the Month: 13.1 12.9 11.8 5
# Highest Joke Count in 1 Day 20 15 16 0
# Highest Contributor Count in 1 Day 11 10 11 0
# Contributors for the Month: 15 17 0 0
# Total Contributors: 16 18 19 14
# New Subscribers for the Month: 0 0 0 1
# Members Unsubscribed for the Month: 0 0 1 2
# Total Subscribers at end of the Month: 331 331 241 1463

(1) The past statistics are based on addresses registered to our Listserver. It does not include addresses which receive HUMOR by other than direct mailings. The numbers include only non-concealed subscribers.
(2) While the information was interesting, because of the way mailing programs have become so universal, there's no way to accurately track the number of countries currently receiving The Humor List. We have discontinued reporting "Countries" in our monthly statistics.
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CONTRIBUTORS' DAILY SUBMISSION COUNTS
* Contributed every day of the available month!.
On the "Daily Submission Counts", although more than one joke may be submitted per day, only one submission per day is countable for those totals. Submission dates are currently based upon Pacific Standard Time (PST) (2400-2400).
Contributor Posting Order From 11/1/2018 - 11/30/2018
* Sandy (AKA MsSam) 30
* Humoress1 30
* George Matyjewicz 30
* Paul Benoit (PBen) 30
Bill Eagle 29
Roger Hyman (ADodger) 28
Maurizio Mariotti (Maury) 20
March Warn 16
Anna Welander 9
Lee Bradley (T.O.P.) 6
Grady Lacy 5
Lanny Julian 3
Phil G 2
Randall Woodman 2
1 Submission Each: Doug Harter, Admin1
Monthly Data
Yearly Data
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HUMOR GOALS:
A daily average of 5-10 examples of humor.
A diversity of humor: sources, forms, subjects.
Freedom of expression for contributors.
Protection of sensitivities for readers (Subject Line Warning Requirement).
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THE HUMOR LIST 10 BASIC RULES (here's the simplified version):
(1) Six rules protect HUMOR members from excessive traffic.
- Only substantial examples of humor should be posted.
- Discussion, requests, criticisms, questions should not be posted.
- No personal attacks.
- Conserve bandwidth: Avoid blank lines. No ASCII files. No signature file preferred.
- While multiple posts are allowed, posting limit is now NO MORE THAN 3 per day.
- NO SPAMMING! A spammer will receive one warning before they are deleted and blocked. This is that one warning!
- NO links or attached files - with the exception of official business by the administrators.

(2) Three rules protect HUMOR from complaints.
- Subject line should disclose the subject of the humor.
- Subject line should include warning if potentially offensive.
- A CONTRIBUTOR WHO REPEATEDLY VIOLATES ANY OF THESE RULES, AFTER BEING WARNED, WILL BE SUSPENDED.

If you have a complaint or comment regarding a post - send it to the "Rule Cop": admin1@thehumorlist.us
Full list of Rules: http://thehumorlist.us/rules.htm
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SUBSCRIBING INSTRUCTIONS THROUGH SIMPLELISTS:
1) http://thehumorlist.us/subscribe.htm

2) The one-time subscriber fee is now $14.95 for one email address or $19.95 for two email addresses.

3) After payment through PayPal, you will be directed back to the Humor List website. Because PayPal and SIMPLELISTS are not directly connected, there is a second step that must be completed. Please continue by adding your subscription information to the SimpleLists form. If you encounter any problems, contact Admin1.

4) One of the factors in deciding to allow SIMPLELISTS to become our new mailing list service was their strict anti-spamming policy. After completing the SIMPLELIST form, you will be sent a "Request to join mailing list thehumorlist@simplelists.com" email with a confirmation link. Be sure to confirm your email address. If a subscriber has not "confirmed" their email address - SIMPLELISTS will not allow us to include their email address for daily mailings.
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NAVIGATING SIMPLELISTS
Effective August 1, 2017, The Humor List became a subscriber-supported list, with our list-mailing service being managed through SIMPLELISTS. New information is now available for subscriptions, 12 months of current archives, and account management. You will also find all of this information on every post you receive.

SUBSCRIBE: The most current information, prices, and possible specials, will be posted on our website. We only accept PayPal for membership fees.

TO BECOME A SUPPORTING MEMBER: http://thehumorlist.us/subscribe.htm

TO CONTROL YOUR ACCOUNT SETTINGS: http://archives.simplelists.com/

TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THE HUMOR LIST: Individualized link is included on every email that subscribers received.

24-HOUR POSTING TIMES FOR DIGESTS: Midnight to midnight, PDT (UTC minus 08 hours) and 11:00 PM to 11:00 PM PST  (UTC minus 07 hours).
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FINDING THE ARCHIVES
These are the current sites for the archives:
Daily Humor Posts, Digests, and Yearly and Monthly Traffic Reports
Pre-August 2017 (Available to the public)
http://archive.thehumorlist.us/Site1

Daily Humor Posts
Post-August 2017 (Members only)
https://archives.simplelists.com/thehumorlist
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FOLLOW US ON SOCIAL MEDIA
The Humor List on Facebook US ON FACEBOOK:
https://www.facebook.com/The-Humor-List-241979695844031/

FOLLOW US ON The Humor List on Twitter
https://twitter.com/The_Humor_List
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DOUG'S TRADITIONAL HUMOR CONTRIBUTION
And finally, the one feature which has been featured in all Traffic Reports, the contribution of Humor. Since, I am not a real regular contributor, I will not be providing new Humor. Instead, I will provide a joke from the archives. It will be at least 14 months old, so most of you won't remember it. This is my contribution of Humor from the Archives:

This joke is # 2 in the Digest for
Link: archive.thehumorlist.us/Site1/Digest/H0612180.php#Joke2

From: Peter Beloin
Subject: Christmas Eve In The Kitchen <Language>

Joke:

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin and bitchin.
I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest.
This room's a disaster, just look at this mess !

Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need !
My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.

There's a knock at the door and the telephones ringing;
frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
Two pies in the oven, desserts almost done;
my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.

I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready !"

He looks all around and with total regret,
says "What's taking so long....aren't you through in here yet ??"
As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life !

He flees from the room in terror and pain
and screams "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE !!"
Now what was I doing, and what is that smell ?
Oh shit it's the pies !! They're burned all to hell !!

I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
What else can go wrong ?? Is there still more ahead ??
If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.

Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.
But I promise you one thing, If I live till next year,
You wont find me pulling my hair out in here.

I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED !!!

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Doug Harter, Asst. Admin, Traffic Reporter and Archivist
Sandy (AKA MsSam) - Member Services, Correspondence, and "Rules Cop"
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