The Humor List
 

TRAFFIC REPORT FOR MARCH 2018

TRAFFIC REPORT MENU
1. Welcome And Comments

2. Humor List Staff
3. Contributors' Tips
4. Become A Contributor
5. Traffic Report
6. Contributors' Daily Submission Counts
7. Humor List Goals
8. The 10 Basic Rules
9. Subscribing Instructions
10. Navigating Simplelists
11. Finding the Archives
12. Follow us on Social Media
13. Doug's Traditional Humor Contribution
14. The Humor List Website Navigation

WELCOME TO THE MONTH OF: MARCH 2018
Hi, everyone, this is Doug and Sandy, with this month's Traffic Report - our eighth month as a subscriber-supported group and our wonderful contributors continue to break records with a fury!! Our Contributors are the best!! If you read a post that you particularly liked - a little "fan mail" to the contributor is always welcomed! Just remember to hit the "Reply" on the email and do not send your personal message to the whole group!

Once a month, during the first part of the month, the Traffic Report is posted to the entire humor list. We're doing something a little different - posting the monthly Traffic Report directly to our website and providing everyone a link.

This is an unusual year for Christians. Easter and April Fool's Day coincide. It happened in 1714, 1725, 1736, 1804, 1866, 1877, 1888, 1923, 1945, & 1956. It will happen again in 2029, 2040, 2108, 2170, 2181, 2192, 2238, 2249, 2260, 2317, & 2328. In honor of this memorable event, I will be posting BOTH an April Fool's joke and an Easter joke.

* It's only a few days away - but has anyone given any thought as to what to do on April 9? The List will be 25 years old! We need to have a virtual party of some kind. I can make chocolate chip cookies and a fruit salad. Sandy will be collecting contributions from the contributors again - "You Really Know You're A Humor List Contributor When ... " Email them to Anniversary and get your ideas in early so they will be posted on April 9th!!

** A very special mention to the 4 Contributors that posted daily for March 2018!!
     Sandy (AKA MsSam) -13th Consecutive Month
     Humoress1 - 7th Consecutive Month
     Paul "PBen" Benoit - 3rd Consecutive Month
     Earl "Hi Verchal" Hall - 3rd Consecutive Month

 *** Last month we were so excited by the record number of jokes submitted by our dedicated contributors - this month was not a "record-breaker", but the contributors still did a remarkable job! Our yearly average for the first 3 months of 2018 is 15.1 jokes per day - ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC!!

If you have a complaint or comment regarding a post - send it to: admin1@thehumorlist.us
If you have a complaint or comment regarding the Traffic Report - send it to: comments@thehumorlist.us
(This report updated with current information: February 2018)
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THE HUMOR LIST STAFF IS COMPRISED OF: 
Sandy (AKA MsSam): Member Services, Correspondence, and "Rules Cop" - admin1@thehumorlist.us
Doug Harter: Assistant Admin, Archivist, and Traffic Reporter - traffic@thehumorlist.us
Maurizio Mariotti: Twitter Account Management - twitter@thehumorlist.us
Bill Edwards: Founder and List-Owner Emeritus 
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** CONTRIBUTORS' TIPS **
WHAT ARE THE CURRENT POSTING RESTRICTIONS?
Originally The Humor List "Rules" stated that only 1 post per day was allowed. Since then, that restriction was lifted and multiple posts were allowed. It has been noted that recently some contributors are overly zealous in their desire to share humorous posts - creating massive Digests for subscribers. Doug and I have discussed a reasonable compromise and now have set limits at no more than 3 posts, per email address, per "posting day".

POLITICAL POSTS
While there is nothing specifically restricting the topic of politics in The Rules, the Admin Staff is requesting contributors avoid posting political-oriented jokes. We are requesting this moratorium because of the increasing level of complaints we've been receiving. Most subscribers enjoy reading the posts because it's a brief and entertaining escape from the depressing, 24/7 exposure to political news. Contributors and subscribers who wish to read, post or share politically themed items are welcome to do so on the many social media sites designed for just that purpose.

DUPLICATES, DUPLICATES, DUPLICATES!
What does the Admin Staff consider a "duplicate"? Any joke that was contributed within the past 6 months - and reformatting an old joke does not change the basic punchline and make it a non-duplicate. Most of the *15* duplicate jokes this month were reposts from within this month!!  Remember, a duplicate post will count towards the daily posting totals, but unless you've submitted multiple, non-duplicated jokes that day, it will not count towards your "Days Contributed" total. Need we say more?


Archive for Tips and Tricks
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BECOME A CONTRIBUTOR
We have the best group of contributors - some posting every day and some posting multiple times daily. If you'd like information on how to join this elite group of merry men (and women) - send one of the Admin staff an email and we'll gladly answer all your questions. Everyone subscribing to The Humor List is encouraged to become a Contributor. Send your humor to thehumorlist@simplelists.com.
- Keep in mind that new Contributors are moderated until they can demonstrate an understanding and compliance of The Rules.
- You will not immediately see your posts (if you receive individual postings) until they are approved by Doug or Sandy.
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TRAFFIC REPORT
Total Jokes Submitted This Month (458)
WEEK SUN MON TUE WED THU FRI SAT
#1 - - - - 14 18 13
#2 13 19 15 14 16 16 18
#3 13 15 14 17 12 26 17
#4 15 13 16 15 13 17 11
#5 11 14 12 11 12 15 13

Total Contributors Submitting
WEEK SUN MON TUE WED THU FRI SAT
#1 - - - - 9 12 10
#2 9 11 10 9 8 11 12
#3 9 10 11 12 8 14 11
#4 10 10 11 10 10 10 8
#5 7 10 9 8 10 11 9

Statistical Comparisons
  March 2018 February 2018 March 2017 March 2016
# Jokes for the Month: 458 442 187 126
# Submission Days for the Month: 31 28 31 31
# Average Jokes Per Day for the Month: 14.7 15.8 6 4
# Highest Joke Count in 1 Day 26 20 - -
# Highest Contributor Count in 1 Day 14 14 - -
# Contributors for the Month: 19 17 11 10
# Total Contributors: 23 23 12 11
# New Subscribers for the Month: 1 2 3 3
# Members Unsubscribed for the Month: 0 0 5 2
# Total Subscribers at end of the Month: 313 312 1458 1478

(1) The past statistics are based on addresses registered to our Listserver. It does not include addresses which receive HUMOR by other than direct mailings. The numbers include only non-concealed subscribers.
(2) While the information was interesting, because of the way mailing programs have become so universal, there's no way to accurately track the number of countries currently receiving The Humor List. We will be discontinuing the reporting of "Countries" in our monthly statistics.
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CONTRIBUTORS' DAILY SUBMISSION COUNTS
* Contributed every day of the available month!.
On the "Daily Submission Counts", although more than one joke may be submitted per day, only one (non-duplicate) submission per day is countable for those totals. Submission dates are currently based upon Pacific Standard Time (2300-2259).
Contributor Posting Order From 03/01/2018 to 03/31/2018
* Sandy (AKA MsSam) 31
* Humoress1 31
Paul Benoit (PBen) 31
* Earl Hall (Hi Verchal) 31
Roger Hyman (A Dodger) 30
George Matyjewicz 30
Bill Eagle 28
Maurizio Mariotti (Maury) 24
Lee Bradley (TOP) 16
March Warn 15
Anna Welander 12
Grady Lacy 12
Phil G 5
Ray Powell 2
Mickey Hennigan 2
Lanny Julian 2
Robert Bragner (RLB) 2
1 Submission Each: Jim Mica, Traffic Report
Monthly Data
Yearly Data
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HUMOR GOALS:
A daily average of 5-10 examples of humor.
A diversity of humor: sources, forms, subjects.
Freedom of expression for contributors.
Protection of sensitivities for readers (Subject Line Warning Requirement).
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THE HUMOR LIST 10 BASIC RULES (here's the simplified version):
(1) Seven rules protect HUMOR members from excessive traffic.
- Only substantial examples of humor should be posted.
- Discussion, requests, criticisms, questions should not be posted.
- No personal attacks.
- Conserve bandwidth: Avoid blank lines. No ASCII files. No signature file preferred.
- While multiple posts are allowed, limit posts to NO MORE THAN 3 per day.
- NO SPAMMING! A spammer will receive one warning before they are deleted and blocked. This is that one warning!
- NO links or attached files - with the exception of official business by the administrators.

(2) Three rules protect HUMOR from complaints.
- Subject line should disclose the subject of the humor.
- Subject line should include warning if potentially offensive.
- A CONTRIBUTOR WHO REPEATEDLY VIOLATES ANY OF THESE RULES, AFTER BEING WARNED, WILL BE SUSPENDED.

If you have a complaint or comment regarding a post - send it to: admin1@thehumorlist.us
Full list of Rules: http://thehumorlist.us/rules.htm
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SUBSCRIBING INSTRUCTIONS THROUGH SIMPLELISTS:
1) http://thehumorlist.us/subscribe.htm

2) The one-time subscriber fee is now $14.95 for one email address or $19.95 for two email addresses.

3) After payment through PayPal, you will be directed back to the Humor List website. Because PayPal and SIMPLELISTS are not directly connected, there is a second step that must be completed. Please continue by adding your subscription information to the SimpleLists form.

4) One of the factors in deciding to allow SIMPLELISTS to become our new mailing list service was their strict anti-spamming policy. After completing the SIMPLELIST form, you will be sent a "Request to join mailing list thehumorlist@simplelists.com" email with a confirmation link. Be sure to confirm your email address. If a subscriber has not "confirmed" their email address - SIMPLELISTS will not allow us to include their email address for daily mailings.
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NAVIGATING SIMPLELISTS
Effective August 1, 2017, The Humor List became a subscriber-supported list, with our list-mailing service being managed through SIMPLELISTS. New information is now available for subscriptions, 12 months of current archives, and account management. You will also find all of this information on every post you receive.

SUBSCRIBE: The most current information, prices, and possible specials, will be posted on our website. We only accept PayPal for membership fees.

TO BECOME A SUPPORTING MEMBER: http://thehumorlist.us/subscribe.htm

TO CONTROL YOUR ACCOUNT SETTINGS: http://archives.simplelists.com/

TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THE HUMOR LIST: Individualized link is included on every email that subscribers received.

24-HOUR POSTING TIMES FOR DIGESTS: Midnight to midnight, PDT (UTC minus 08 hours) and 11:00 PM to 11:00 PM PST  (UTC minus 07 hours).
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FINDING THE ARCHIVES
These are the current sites for the archives:
Daily Humor Posts, Digests, and Yearly and Monthly Traffic Reports
Pre-August 2017 (Available to the public)
http://archive.thehumorlist.us/Site1

Daily Humor Posts
Post-August 2017 (Members only)
https://archives.simplelists.com/thehumorlist
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FOLLOW US ON SOCIAL MEDIA
The Humor List on Facebook US ON FACEBOOK: 
https://www.facebook.com/The-Humor-List-241979695844031/

FOLLOW US ON The Humor List on Twitter
https://twitter.com/The_Humor_List
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DOUG'S TRADITIONAL HUMOR CONTRIBUTION
And finally, the one feature which has been featured in all Traffic Reports, the contribution of Humor. Since, I am not a real regular contributor, I will not be providing new Humor. Instead, I will provide a joke from the archives. It will be at least 14 months old, so most of you won't remember it. This is my contribution of Humor from the Archives:

First, my April Fool's Joke:
This joke is # 6 in the Digest for: 4/1/2010
http://archive.thehumorlist.us/Site1/Digests/H1004010.php#Joke6
From: Jim Mica
Subject: Round Up of Campus Based April Fools Day news (From Inside Higher Ed)

* U of Maryland (College Park) will be changing it's mascot from the terrapin to the panda

* Student Paper at Washington University in St. Louis announces new Strip for America --an parallel program to Teach for America. "A lot of people have this misperception that there are good strippers across the country, but that's just not true. Some people today are really put at a major disadvantage; they live in communities with little or no funding for quality strip joints. [I hear the GOP National Committee is strongly behind this. ed]

* New York University's "growth agenda" has been lampooned by the announcement that NYU has purchased Columbia University.

* Johns Hopkins University  - on the school's home page - has announced that it will drop the S from Johns. President Ronald J. Daniel is quoted as saying: "We're fighting a losing battle here. And we strongly suspect the extra 's' was a typo in the first place ..."

And finally, from Ithaca, NY - sometimes referred to as the dismal weather capital of the world but where the sun is shining in the sky today comes this official word:

Ithaca College remains officially open, even when the sun shines. We are monitoring the beautiful weather situation closely and are in consultation with local law enforcement agencies and other local employers regarding the gentle breezes and the potential impact of the sunshine.

As per the Ithaca College Policy Manual, weather conditions, no matter how beautiful, normally will not close the college when classes are in session.

College officials have taken a look outside and even though they agree the weather is gorgeous, have decided not to declare a beautiful weather emergency.

Crews will be working around the clock to clear the roads of accumulated sunshine.

If this had been an actual beautiful weather emergency, the college would announce it over a humongous loudspeaker, part of the Emergency Notification System (ENS), and most everyone would hear it because they'd already be outdoors.

More information about beautiful weather closing policies can be found in the Ithaca College Policy Manual: Ithaca College Policy Manual Section 2.9: April Fools' Closing <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/April_fools>
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The Humor List stands firmly behind the concept of April Fool's Day

Next, The Easter Joke:
This joke is # 2 in the Digest for: 4/16/2006
http://archive.thehumorlist.us/Site1/Digests/H0604160.php#Joke2
From: Peter Beloin
Subject: Easter Morning <ADULT>

As an ultimate test of his will power, a man decided to give up sex for Lent. Although not thrilled with the idea, his wife agreed to support him in this effort. The first few weeks weren't too difficult. Things got tougher during the next couple of weeks, so the wife wore her dowdiest night clothes and chewed on garlic before going to bed. The last couple of weeks were extremely tough on the husband, so the wife took to locking the bedroom door and forcing the husband to sleep on the couch.

Easter morning finally came. A knock came on the wife's bedroom door.
"KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!!"
Husband: "Guess who?"
Wife: "I know who it is!"
Husband: "Guess what I want?"
Wife: "I know what you want!"
Husband: "Guess what I'm knocking with?"

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Doug Harter, Asst. Admin, Traffic Reporter, and Archivist
Sandy (AKA MsSam) - Member Services, Correspondence, and "Rules Cop"
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