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Traffic Report For August 2013

  1. Introductory Comments
  2. How to Contribute
  3. Archive Information
  4. Traffic Report
  5. Countries Information
  6. Number Submissions By Hour
  7. Top 15 Contributors
  8. HumorList Information
  9. Subscribing To HumorList
  10. Making Changes By Web
  11. Making Changes By Email
  12. Contribution of Humor
  13. Month Index
The Humor List archives are being graciously hosted by Host995

Hi, everyone, this is Doug, with this month's traffic report. Once a month, during the first part of the month, I send the report to the entire HUMOR list. Welcome to the month of August, 2013.

If you have a complaint or comment regarding a post - send it to: comments@thehumorlist.com On any reports, the totals are for 'days submitted' and not for the actual number of jokes submitted. Submission dates are based upon Eastern Time. Although more than one joke may be submitted per day, for the 'Daily Submission' count, only one submission per day is countable for these totals.

    Welcome our new Contributors or old Contributors with new Email addresses:
  • Carol <patokagwp@FRONTIER.COM>

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= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Anyone subscribing to HumorList may post if they wish. Send your humor
to 



. Keep in mind that new Contributors are moderated until you can abide by The Rules . You will not see your posts (if you get individual postings) until they are approved. Back to Top = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = These are the current sites for the archives:
  • archive.thehumorlist.com (HTML copies of Digests and Yearly and Monthly Traffic Reports) Back to Top = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Traffic Report for August 2013 Week Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat 1 5 9 6 2 4 6 8 6 7 5 6 3 5 6 8 5 4 5 6 4 6 3 7 3 4 5 4 5 3 4 5 5 6 5 8 Aug Jul Aug Aug 2013 2013 2012 2011 # Jokes for the Month: 167 193 273 167 # days of submissions for the Month: 31 31 31 31 # Average Jokes per day for the Month: 5 6 9 5 # Contributors for the Month: 17 17 20 13 # New Subscribers for the Month: 3 4 4 10 # Members Unsubscribed for the Month: 5 11 14 29 # ** Subscribers as of end of the Month: 1575 1576 1691 2147 # Contributors as of end of the Month: 20 20 21 29 # Countries as of end of the month: 45 45 48 53 ** - Only Non-Concealed subscribers The above statistics are based on addresses registered to our listserver. It does not include addresses which receive HUMOR by other than direct mailings. The numbers include only non-concealed subscribers. Back to Top = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = The HumorList is sent daily to the following countries: Argentine, Australia, Austria, Belgium, Brazil, Bulgaria, Canada, Chile, Cocos Islands, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Hong Kong, Hungary, India, Indonesia, Iran, Ireland, Isreal, Italy, Japan, Luzembourg, Malaysia, Mexico, Micronesia, Netherlands, New Zealand, Portugal, Romania, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, Slovakia, South Africia, Sweden, Taiwan, Tonga, Turkey, Tuvalu, United Kingdom, USA, The countries list is generated from the last part of your email address. If your address doesn't end with a country name, it is assumed to be from the USA. Back to Top = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Number Submissions By Hour -------------------------- 00 to 11 1 0 0 1 1 1 4 20 17 24 5 9 12 to 23 7 14 12 8 15 6 5 6 1 9 1 2 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Back to Top = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = And now, the Top 15 Contributors. This will show you which Contributors are sending the most contributions of Humor each month. Those who are posting every day are noted. Top 15 Contributors from 8/1/2013 to 8/31/2013 Contributor # Posts *Paul Benoit 31 Maurizio Mariotti 26 George Matyjewicz 26 Grady Lacy 23 Mickey Hennigan 13 Lee Bradley 10 Ray Powell 4 Phil G. 5 Renaud OLGIATI 4 Joe Whalen 4 Randall Woodman 3 Hughie 3 Richard 2 Carol 2 Ana E. Muss 2 * - Contributed Every Digest/Day Back to Top = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = The Humor staff is comprised of: Sandy (AKA Ms Sam), Administrator and Support
    Doug Harter, Assistant Admin, Archivist and Traffic Reporter
    Bill Edwards, Founder and Listowner Emeritus HUMOR GOALS A daily average of 5-10 examples of humor. A diversity of humor: sources, forms, subjects. Freedom of expression for contributors. Protection of sensitivities for readers (heading warning requirement). HUMOR CONTRIBUTOR RULES (brief version) Subject line should disclose the subject of the humor. Subject line should include warning if potentially offensive. One contribution per day. Only substantial examples of verbal humor should be posted. Discussion, requests, and criticisms are not to be posted. No personal attacks, apologies, reactions or retractions. Articles should normally be shorter than 25 lines (99 lines max). Conserve bandwidth: Avoid blank lines; No ASCII art or sig file. A contributor who violates the rules may be suspended. Back to Top = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Subscribe to The Humor List by going to The Humor List Mailing Group , scrolling down to 'Subscribing to Humorlist' and filling in the information. OR Sending an email to
    with 'subscribe' (no quotes) in the Subject or Body of the email. Back to Top - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Making Changes by The Web Each Subscriber gets a Membership Configuration Page where you must sign in with the password you were given when you subscribed. You get to it by going to The Humor List Mailing Group , scrolling down to 'Unsubscribe or edit options' (Under 'Humorlist Subscribers') and filling in your email address. This will take you to another page where you enter your password to get to your Membership Configuration Page. Here are some things that may be done on that page: o Unsubscribe from HumorList o Turn Mail Delivery On/Off o Turn Digest On/Off (Off sends individual postings). o Set a Name for your email address o Change your email address o Change your password 0 Get a password reminder Back to Top - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - You may also make changes by Email by sending an email to
    with one of the following in the Subject or Body of the email (words in () are not needed, they just explain what you can do): o unsubscribe (from HumorList) o set show (Show your current option settings) o help (Returns help on email commands) o set help (Returns help on the Set options) o password (Returns your current password) There are several other things which may be done, but they require that you include your password in the email. Use these options with caution. o password oldpassword newpassword (Changes password) The following must be preceded by the following command: set authenticate password (password is the password you got when you subscribed) o set digest plain (Get Digests in plain text format) o set digest mime (Get Digests in MIME format) o set digest off (Get individual postings o set delivery off (Stops postings or Digests) o set delivery on (Starts postings or Digests again) o set reminders off (Turns off monthly password reminder) o set reminders on (Turns on monthly password reminder) Back to Top = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = And finally, the one feature which has been featured in all Traffic Reports, the contribution of Humor. Since, I am not a real regular contributor, I will not be providing new Humor. Instead, I will provide a joke from the archives. It will be at least 14 months old, so most of you won't remember it. You will either see the joke below or a link to the joke, not the actual joke, although I will provide the Subject line (Topic). Since there are now HTML versions of all Digests, it will point to the joke itself. My contribution of Humor from the Archives:
    • This joke is joke # 1 in the Digest For 6/7/1999
    • The title of the Joke is: Food Puns
    From: Stan Kegel
    Subject:Food Puns
    
    
    We recently took a trip to Merrie Olde England, and we enjoyed it very
    much. The service was good and the food was much better than we had
    been told to expect.
    
    We ordered at a small fish and chips shoppe in the English Midlands,
    and we couldn't believe the size of the portion of fish that came. It
    was unbelievably large and it was even more delicious. It was truly
    wonderful, but how could they make money giving so much fish at so
    reasonable a price?
    
    An English friend explained it. . . . "It's the piece of cod which
    passes all understanding."
    
    
    
    We were so poor as children, we had very little to eat. One day my
    mother sent me to the basement to find what I could for dinner. After
    a long search, I came back with some beets.
    
    This was not enough to feed our family of 6, so my mother sent me to
    the attic to kill the family of seagulls who had moved in there. My
    mother cooked the gulls and we waited for my father to get home from
    work. As it got later, my mother put the cooked birds in the
    refrigerator to keep until my father came home, as we always ate as a family.
    
    When my father arrived late that evening we sat down to eat the skimpy
    dinner, but first my father prayed over the food, . . . "God bless the
    beets and the chilled wren."
    
    
    
    May and her mother lived in California's beautiful Salinas Valley.
    While most of the farmers grew grapes for wine, May had become quite
    famous for the quality of her preserves.
    
    One day, deciding to try something new, they bought a barrel of
    kumquats and her mother began the preparation for boiling and sugaring
    and the rest.
    
    Finally, when her mother had everything all set, she called to her
    daughter to tell her that her part of the work could begin. She called
    out, . . . "Kumquat, May, we're ready"
    
    
    
    A rare delicacy is Sauteed Sloth a la Dortmunder. Using the middle toe
    of the great Australian three-toed sloth, the only edible part of that
    large, furry, indolent creature, the careful chef debones it, pounds
    it as with veal, and sautees it briefly over a hot flame with
    shallots, carrot circles, and just a touch of Tabasco. Prepared in
    this fashion, sloth is an excellent main course, not unlike alligator
    in texture and taste.
    
    Many people are under the false impression that sloth does not make a
    good meal, but this is because they've eaten it improperly prepared.
    It can only be sauteed, a la Dortmunder, a fact ill-appreciated in
    culinary circles. . . . Too many cooks broil the sloth.
    
    
    
    One day Mama Tomato, Papa Tomato, and Baby Tomato were taking a walk
    in town. Now Baby Tomato was a distractible, mischievous sort, and try
    as they might, they could not keep their son from dawdling and getting
    into trouble. All of the sudden, upon leaving a store, Mama Tomato
    looked around and to her dismay, Baby Tomato was gone! "Oh No!" she
    cried, holding her arms up in dismay.
    
    Papa Tomato soon found him standing in front of the candy store
    window, mesmerized by all its tasty treats. Papa Tomato grabbed Baby
    Tomato's arm and half dragged him back to his sobbing mother,
    castigating him all way. Well, for any normal tomato this would have
    been enough, but soon, Mama Tomato looked around, and once again,
    could not spot her son. This time Papa Tomato found him in front of
    the toy store, eyeing a shiny Hula-Hoop. This time Papa Tomato picked
    him up and carried him bodily back to where his now-hysterical mother stood.
    
    "If you lag behind one more time..." threatened the now-furious Papa
    Tomato. But sure enough, once again, Mama Tomato looked around and
    discovered that once again her son was missing. This time Papa Tomato
    found Baby Tomato ogling the ice cream stand.
    
    At this, Papa Tomato turned purple with rage, marched over to where
    his son was and, unable to control his temper any longer, lifted up
    his leg and stomped on poor Baby Tomato's head, yelling, . . . "Catch up!!"
    
    
    
    Tarzan swings into the tree house after work and asks Jane if she has
    prepared the martinis.
    
    Jane says, "Oh Tarzan, we don't have any snacks to go with the cocktails."
    
    Tarzan swings back out of the tree house into the forest and comes
    across two Golden Finches which he catches in each hand and knocks
    their heads together to kill them. He then returns to the tree house,
    throws the birds on the table, and asks Jane, "Can we have dinner, now?"
    
    Jane replies, "But Tarzan we have no meat for the main course."
    
    Tarzan swings once again out of the tree house into the forest and
    comes across a pair of chimpanzees and catches one in each hand and
    knocks their heads together to kill them. Once again he swings back
    into the tree house, throws the monkeys on the table, and asks Jane:
    "Can we have dinner, now?"
    
    Jane replies, "Tarzan, do we have to have . . . finch and chimps again?"
    
    
    
    When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup
    du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed.
    
    "Good heavens," he said, "what is this?"
    
    "Why, it's bean soup," she replied.
    
    "I don't care what it has been," he sputtered. "What is it now?"
    
    
    
    A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the maitre'd that
    there will be at least a twenty minute wait and would he like to wait
    in the bar. He goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"
    
    The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."
    
    The bartender squints at him for a few seconds, then smiles and says,
    "Once upon time was four little pig"
    
    ------------------------------
    
    
    = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Doug Harter, Asst. Admin, Traffic Reporter and Archiver
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    2013 Indexes

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    Bill Edwards

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    UPDATED: 1/8/2014