Traffic Report For August 2012
If you have a complaint or comment regarding a post - send it to: firstname.lastname@example.org On any reports, the totals are for 'days submitted' and not for the actual number of jokes submitted. Submission dates are based upon Eastern Time. Although more than one joke may be submitted per day, for the 'Daily Submission' count, only one submission per day is countable for these totals.
Contributors (current and future) - Doug and I would like to thank all the contributors who have been marking their postings with appropriate labeling. However, labeling a post does not exclude a contributor from the basic intent on the list group - HUMOR. Postings that are demeaning, personal attacks and statements of un-American activities (i.e. flag burning) are NOT funny and will not be tolerated.
If you have a complaint or comment regarding a post - send it to: email@example.com
Generating one complaint to this email account might be overlooked as personal preferences. Two email complaints, we begin to suspect there's a problem and will notify the poster. If three email complaints are received, we will review the post in question and if in agreement with the complaints ... the poster will be placed on the moderated list, requiring approval before any future posting is forwarded to the group.
Sandy & Doug
Back to Top = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Anyone subscribing to HumorList may post if they wish. Send your humor to
Doug Harter, Assistant Admin, Archivist and Traffic Reporter
Bill Edwards, Founder and Listowner Emeritus HUMOR GOALS A daily average of 5-10 examples of humor. A diversity of humor: sources, forms, subjects. Freedom of expression for contributors. Protection of sensitivities for readers (heading warning requirement). HUMOR CONTRIBUTOR RULES (brief version) Subject line should disclose the subject of the humor. Subject line should include warning if potentially offensive. One contribution per day. Only substantial examples of verbal humor should be posted. Discussion, requests, and criticisms are not to be posted. No personal attacks, apologies, reactions or retractions. Articles should normally be shorter than 25 lines (99 lines max). Conserve bandwidth: Avoid blank lines; No ASCII art or sig file. A contributor who violates the rules may be suspended. Back to Top = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Subscribe to The Humor List by going to The Humor List Mailing Group , scrolling down to 'Subscribing to Humorlist' and filling in the information. OR Sending an email to
with 'subscribe' (no quotes) in the Subject or Body of the email. Back to Top - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Making Changes by The Web Each Subscriber gets a Membership Configuration Page where you must sign in with the password you were given when you subscribed. You get to it by going to The Humor List Mailing Group , scrolling down to 'Unsubscribe or edit options' (Under 'Humorlist Subscribers') and filling in your email address. This will take you to another page where you enter your password to get to your Membership Configuration Page. Here are some things that may be done on that page: o Unsubscribe from HumorList o Turn Mail Delivery On/Off o Turn Digest On/Off (Off sends individual postings). o Set a Name for your email address o Change your email address o Change your password 0 Get a password reminder Back to Top - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - You may also make changes by Email by sending an email to
with one of the following in the Subject or Body of the email (words in () are not needed, they just explain what you can do): o unsubscribe (from HumorList) o set show (Show your current option settings) o help (Returns help on email commands) o set help (Returns help on the Set options) o password (Returns your current password) There are several other things which may be done, but they require that you include your password in the email. Use these options with caution. o password oldpassword newpassword (Changes password) The following must be preceded by the following command: set authenticate password (password is the password you got when you subscribed) o set digest plain (Get Digests in plain text format) o set digest mime (Get Digests in MIME format) o set digest off (Get individual postings o set delivery off (Stops postings or Digests) o set delivery on (Starts postings or Digests again) o set reminders off (Turns off monthly password reminder) o set reminders on (Turns on monthly password reminder) Back to Top = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = And finally, the one feature which has been featured in all Traffic Reports, the contribution of Humor. Since, I am not a real regular contributor, I will not be providing new Humor. Instead, I will provide a joke from the archives. It will be at least 14 months old, so most of you won't remember it. You will either see the joke below or a link to the joke, not the actual joke, although I will provide the Subject line (Topic). Since there are now HTML versions of all Digests, it will point to the joke itself. My contribution of Humor from the Archives:
From: Randall Woodman Subject:Why God Made Moms WHY GOD MADE MOMS Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions: Why did God make mothers? 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. 2. Mostly to clean the house. 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born. How did God make mothers? 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring. 3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts. What ingredients are mothers made of ? 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean. 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think. Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom? 1. We're related. 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me. What kind of little girl was your mom? 1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff. 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy. 3. They say she used to be nice. What did mom need to know about dad before she married him? 1. His last name. 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get d runk on beer? 3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores? Why did your mom marry your dad? 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot. 2. She got too old to do anything else with him. 3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on. Who's the boss at your house? 1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball. 2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed. 3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad. What's the difference between moms & dads? 1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work. 2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them. 3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's. 4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine. What does your mom do in her spare time? 1. Mothers don't do spare time. 2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long. What would it take to make your mom perfect? 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery. 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue. If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be? 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that. 2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me. 3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head. --------------------------------- Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. ------------------------------= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Doug Harter, Asst. Admin, Traffic Reporter and Archiver
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