Traffic Report for September 1997

  1. Introductory Comments
  2. Traffic Report
  3. Countries Information
  4. Contribution of Humor
  5. Month Index
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Hi, everyone!  This is Jim, with this week's Traffic Report.  When
there aren't any problems with my computer, I send this message every
week to the contributors.  (There have been problems of late, to be
explained shortly).  Once a month I send this message to the entire
HUMOR List.  Welcome to October.

Before I get into HUMOR-specific news and information, I would like
to provide the following public service announcement to anyone reading
these words who, like me, owns a Macintosh (Power Mac or Performa) with
a number between 5400 and 6500 (or the Twentieth Anniversary Mac),
running system versions 7.6.1 or 8.  Apparently there is a problem with
the software driver for your hard drive, and it will occasionally, on
startup, give you what is becoming known as the "Flashing Question Mark
Condition," the only remedy of which is to initialize -- and thereby
erase the entire Hard Drive with all of the data stored on it (or as a
preventative measure, never shut your computer down).  Apple has
documented this in detail, and has uploaded to their website the fix
for this condition.  It is Drive Setup version 1.3.1.  If you fall into
the category described at the beginning of this paragraph, go
immediately to for the fix.

Now that I've done my good deed for the day, let me do my job.  :-)
About a month ago, several people subscribed to HUMOR found themselves
in a humorless situation when the listserver had apparently removed
their subscription because of Internet gateway issues between their
server and HUMOR's listserver.  This has been corrected, and if you
know anyone who lost their subscription because of this, feel free to
tell them it's safe to come back and play.  To subscribe to HUMOR, send
LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SUBSCRIBE HUMOR followed by your
real name.  This command, like all commands I will give here, goes in
the body of your text.

If you would rather lead a humor-less life, you may unsubscribe from
the list by sending LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SIGNOFF HUMOR

If you currently get the list in digest format and would rather
receive it in "mail" format, receiving the posts as they are posted,
send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SET HUMOR MAIL.  To switch
back to digest format, the command is SET HUMOR DIGEST.  If you would
like to suspend, temporarily, the delivery of HUMOR, use the command
SET HUMOR NOMAIL.  To start up again, use the same command you would
use to choose the way you receive it.

If you want to 'conceal' your subscription from people who may
wantonly and without regard for your interest in the product they may
be trying to sell, use the command SET HUMOR CONCEAL.

And finally, let's say you read something here, and it inspires you.
You realize that you're a funny person, too, and you would like to
share your offbeat sense of humor with everyone reading these words.
You, too, can become a contributor!  You've got to have a grasp of the
rules of humor, and you'll be tested as a proof of it.  Send the

Now that my computer is fully functional again, I'll be working over
the course of this week to bring HUMOR's website back up to its normal
level.  If you have any questions, feel free to email me at, visit my website at, or visit HUMOR's website at

Have a great week, for those of you who are also contributors, and a
great month for those of you who just receive the list...

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               Traffic Report for HUMOR, 5 October - 11 October
                  (Number of articles posted each day)

                  4 Weeks  3 Weeks  2 Weeks   1 Week    Last
Date   Day          Back     Back     Back     Back     Week

   5  Sunday          8       10       10        7        4
   6  Monday         12       15       16       19       11
   7  Tuesday        10       15       10       13       14
   8  Wednesday      10       17        7       10        9
   9  Thursday       10       12        9       11       13
  10  Friday         11       11       12       14       12
  11  Saturday        8        4        6       10        5

   Average           9.9     12.0     10.0     12.0      9.7

Subscriptions      8,819    8,782    8,803    8,801    8,766
Countries            103      103      103      103      103
Contributors         705      719      721      719      713

These are based on addresses registered to our listserver. It does
not include addresses which receive HUMOR via local bulletin board,
area distribution lists, etc.  These numbers include both concealed
and non-concealed subscribers.

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And now for my usual contribution of humor:
Subject:  Hell, I'd volunteer

Excerpted from the book _Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest,_ (c) 1996 by John J
Kohut and Roland Sweet

British Rail announced plans to harness some of its employees to posts
six to nine feet from railroad tracks to determine how close
maintenance workers could safely work to trains travelling up to 140
mph.  No BR workers volunteered, but, according to a spokesperson, more
than 50 members of the public called to offer their services, including
one caller who termed the experiment, "the railway equivalent of bungee

   Jim Goldman,  HUMOR list Traffic Reporter and Webmaster
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1997 Indexes

January February March April
May June July August
September October November December
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