Traffic Report for September 1996

  1. Introductory comments
  2. The Traffic Report
  3. The countries receiving HUMOR
  4. Whose posts were chosen to be on the sample page this week?
  5. Why do we have a posters' list?
  6. What are the rules of contributing?
  7. Frequently Asked Questions
  8. A sample of humor
  9. Who is this "Jim" character, anyway?
  10. Month Index
The Humor List archives are being graciously hosted by

B.  Hi everyone, this is Jim.  Once a month I send the HUMOR list's
traffic report to the entire list.  It's that time of the month again
for me.

    As can be seen by the numbers below, there are at least ten times
as many subscribers as there are contributors (and this is not
including people who get the list forwarded to them at their homes,
places of work, or in one notable case (of which I'm aware), onboard a
military ship).  This message is for everyone on the list, and not just
for the contributors.  Chances are, if we can send something to the
list, we like to hear from you.  The list itself encourages you, the
reader, to send a quick message (or lengthy if the case merits it) to
someone who sends something to the list as a whole.  Obviously I'm not
at liberty to speak for all of the contributors, but we do like to hear
from you, if you have something to say.

    If you're not a contributor and are interested in becoming one,
simply follow the instructions as detailed below in the FAQ.  Like all
other contributors my email box is open for any comments or suggestions
you may have about the list.  Feel free to email me at, visit my home page at, or go to the HUMOR website at But that does it for
the month of October for me (not counting occasional postings...)  I'll
see you all in November!  :)
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C.          Traffic Report for HUMOR, 29 September - 5 October
                  (Number of articles posted each day)

                  4 Weeks  3 Weeks  2 Weeks   1 Week    Last
Date   Day          Back     Back     Back     Back     Week

 29  Sunday           9       13        6       10        7
 30  Monday          11       18       17       18       13
  1  Tuesday         12       13       22       11       16
  2  Wednesday       24       10       18       21       17
  3  Thursday        23       16       14       11       10
  4  Friday          18       16       16       15       25
  5  Saturday         8       10       13        8        9

  Averages          15.0     13.7     15.1     13.4     13.9

Subscriptions      8,286    8,332    8,373    8,443    8,494
Countries            83       85       85       86       86
Contributors        793      790      805      807      814

These are based on addresses registered to our listserver. It does
not include addresses which receive HUMOR via local bulletin board,
area distribution lists, etc.  These numbers include both concealed
and non-concealed subscribers.
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The following countries receive HUMOR on a daily basis:

Argentina, Australia, Austria, Bahrain, Belgium, Belize, Brazil,
Brunei, Darussalam, Bulgaria, Canada, China, Colombia, Cook Islands,
Costa Rica, Croatia, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Ecuador, Egypt,
El Salvador, Estonia, Fiji, Finland, France, Georgia, Germany, Great
Britain, Greece, Guam, Guatemala, Hong Kong, Hungary, Iceland, India,
Indonesia, Iran, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Jamaica, Japan, Jordan,
Kazakhstan, Korea, Kuwait, Latvia, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malaysia,
Malta, Mexico, Moldova, Morocco, Mozambique, Netherlands, New
Zealand, Northern Ireland, Norway, Pakistan, Peru, Philippines,
Poland, Portugal, Romania, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, Slovakia,
South Africa, Soviet Union, Spain, Sri Lanka, Suriname, Sweden,
Switzerland, Taiwan, Thailand, Turkey, Uganda, United Arab Emirates,
USA, Venezuela, Zambia, Zimbabwe

                             Total countries: 86

                 Email me if your country is not listed here.
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D.  The posts in the last week which have been chosen for the
sample.html page are as follows (in order as they appeared during the
past week):

    Name                   Subject
1.  Robert Bragner         The hijacking (rude; offensive to hijackers)
2.  George Hughes          Humorous definition
3.  Robert C Oshinsky      Penguin (adult theme - a bit sick)
4.  Randall Woodman        Humor: Recommendations
5.  Joel Rosen             Law on the March
6.  Brian Weston           Sick, but Funny <
7.  Joshua Ostroff         fwd: DEEP QUESTIONS OF LIFE
8.  Tejas Mehta            Four Daughters
9.  Sarah W Soderlund      Adult penis related humor - offensive to
10. Martha E Frantz        Hunting Story
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E.  The purpose of the Posters list is to protect our readers from
careless, quarrelsome, and selfish contributors. To become a
member request the instructions by sending the command GET HUMOR

** The following are the goals of HUMOR:

To provide a daily average of 10-20 substantial examples of
To provide a diversity of humor: sources, forms, and subjects.
To provide freedom of expression for contributors and protection
of sensitivities for readers.
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F.  ** The following are the brief version of HUMOR's rules:

1) Three rules protect HUMOR from complaints.
  Subject line should disclose the subject of the humor.
  Subject line should include warning if potentially offensive.
  A contributor who violates rules may be suspended.

2) Six rules protect HUMOR members from excessive traffic.
  Only substantial examples of verbal humor should be posted.
  Discussion, requests, and criticisms should not be posted.
  One contribution per day.
  No personal attacks, no apologies, and no reactions.
  Articles should normally be shorter than 25 lines (99 lines
  Conserve bandwidth: Avoid blank lines. No ASCII art. No
signature file.
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G.  Frequently Asked Questions

(note: all commands to the listserv address go in the body of the
message.  You may send as many commands as you like, provided you keep
one command to a line)

Q.  What's the address for posting to the list?
A.  HUMOR@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU.  You must have taken and passed the exam to
become a contributor before the listserver will accept your email

Q.  How do I take the exam?
A.  Send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command GET HUMOR GUIDE, or point
your web browser to

Q.  Is the test hard?
A.  Of course not.  We only ask questions about quantum mechanics, the
exact location (today) of the lost city of Atlantis, and which country
will bring home the most gold in the 2028 Olympics.  Easy stuff for
everyone, right?

Q.  I am receiving HUMOR in digest format.  How do I change this to
receive posts as they are sent?

Q.  I am receiving HUMOR in mail format.  How do I change this to
digest format?

Q.  I don't want someone searching the listserver for my email address.
How can I protect myself?

Q.  What happens if I violate one of the rules of contributing?
A.  Larry Randall, our rules enforcer, may suspend you.

Q.  Is there any chance for some kind of leniency?
A.  You'd want to take that up with Larry -- preferably BEFORE you
post something that might get you in trouble.  His email address is

Q.  How often do you send the Traffic Report out, Jim?
A.  I send it out once a week, on Sundays.  On the first Sunday of
every month, I send it to the entire HUMOR list.

Q.  So that means, if I get the report weekly, I'm eligible to
A.  Unless you are in violation of one of HUMOR's rules.  Right.

Q.  If I'm suspended, will I get the Traffic Report?
A.  No.  When you are suspended, you will temporarily be removed from
the contributors' list.

Q.  So if I'm not reading this, I'm suspended?
A.  That's one way to put it, yes...  That reminds me of a Groucho Marx
quote: "I apologize for not writing sooner, but I've been so busy not
writing to other people, that I couldn't get around to not writing you
in time..."

Q.  How do I stop getting the Traffic Report?
A.  You have two options: first you could leave the posters' list
entirely, by sending LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SIGNOFF
HUMOR-P.  Let me warn you that if you use this method, the way to
become a contributor again would entail taking that short exam that
you got by sending LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command GET HUMOR
    Or you could send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SET HUMOR-P

Q.  How do I stop getting HUMOR?
A.  You have two options: first you could leave the list entirely, by
    Or you could send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SET HUMOR

Q.  What if I want to change my email address?
A.  For HUMOR, you can change it yourself, by sending
LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SUBSCRIBE HUMOR, followed by your
real name from your new address, and then sending
LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SIGNOFF HUMOR from the old one.
    If you wish to change your email address for contributing purposes,
email either me ( or Larry

Q.  Can I have two different addresses registered to the listserver?
A.  Sure!  You can subscribe to HUMOR from as many addresses as you

Q.  How about for contributing?
A.  Sorry.  Only one address per person for contributor's status.
Makes the paperwork easier, in case you violate the rules.

Q.  I don't violate the rules.  Can you make an exception?
A.  No.

Q.  Sorry.
A.  That's all right.

Q.  I'm going on vacation for an extended period of time.  I don't
want to have HUMOR piling up in my mailbox while I'm gone.  What
should I do?

Q.  How do I change it back when I get back to my computer?
HUMOR DIGEST, whichever you prefer.

Q.  How do I get what I missed once I come back?
A.  All of HUMOR is automatically archived with our listserver.  To
get a listing of all of the logs (and how to get them) send
LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command INDEX HUMOR.  To get *the* current
archive, send the listserv address the command GET HUMOR NOTEBOOK.
Once a notebook exceeds 3000 lines, it will become a log.  (To those
twentysomethings in the U.S., no Schoolhouse Rock jokes, please...)
The command INDEX HUMOR clarifies all of this and gives you the
starting dates for each of them.

Q.  In the airport, how do you feel about eating at a "Terminal Snack
A.  About the same as I feel when my doctor does what he calls

Q.  Where is HUMOR's website?

Q.  Who created it?
A.  Yours truly.

Q.  Great links page.
A.  Thank you.

Q.  Who are you, anyway?
A.  That belongs in the section after the next.
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H.  And now for my usual contribution of humor:

Subject:  A potent cure <

  "Doc, you gotta help me," said Mr. Smith, walking into the
physician's office.  "I need a prescription for Sex-Lax."
  "Don't you mean Ex-Lax?" asked the doctor.
  "No, no no," answered Mr. Smith testily.  "I don't have trouble
going.  I have trouble coming."
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I.  Jim Goldman,  HUMOR list Traffic Reporter and Webmaster

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1996 Indexes

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May June July August
September October November December
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