Traffic Report for August 1996

  1. Introductory comments
  2. The Traffic Report
  3. The countries receiving HUMOR
  4. Whose posts were chosen to be on the sample page this week?
  5. Why do we have a posters' list?
  6. What are the rules of contributing?
  7. Frequently Asked Questions
  8. A sample of humor
  9. Who is this "Jim" character, anyway?
  10. Month Index
The Humor List archives are being graciously hosted by www.catweasel.org



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B.  I would like to thank Bill, Larry, Paul, and Seth for helping cover for
me in my absence from being Traffic Reporter these past two months.  For
all new readers and contributors who have joined the list in the time I was
away from my computer during the months of July and August, I would like to
bid a warm *welcome* to all of you.
    I send this report to the contributors weekly, and once a month it goes
to the entire HUMOR list.  I have selected the first Sunday of the month to
send it to the list, but since I was not here last week, today is the day
that I will send it out, to re-introduce myself to everyone.
    So, "Hi!  My name's Jim!"
    I have been catching up with everything online this week, and I don't
have any real *news* to report about the list because of it.  As of right
now, I have yet to reinstate the sample.html page which was a selection of
posts over the course of the previous week, and changing as I send the
traffic report to the list.  If you have any questions or comments,
however, feel free to email me at jimphynn@interramp.com (this will be
changing in a couple of months, since interramp was bought out by
MindSpring in my absence.  More news on this front as it becomes
available.), go to my home page at http://www.webcom.com/jimphynn/ or to
the HUMOR website at http://www.webcom.com/jimphynn/humor/humor.html
(please note the spelling of this is the "American" style, rather than the
"British" or "Canadian" style of the word.  We haven't forgotten about
"u.")
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C.          Traffic Report for HUMOR, 1 September - 7 September
                  (Number of articles posted each day)

                  4 Weeks  3 Weeks  2 Weeks   1 Week    Last
Date   Day          Back     Back     Back     Back     Week

  1  Sunday           7       13        9       12        9
  2  Monday          15       11       12       20       11
  3  Tuesday         14       16       14       10       12
  4  Wednesday       11       18       17        8       24
  5  Thursday        20       20       16       23       23
  6  Friday          16       15       10       13       18
  7  Saturday        15        9        9        7        8

  Averages          14.0     14.6     12.4     13.3     15.0

Subscriptions      8,312    8,372    8,365    8,300    8,286
Countries            81       83       83       81       83
Contributors        793      787      795      794      793

These are based on addresses registered to our listserver. It does
not include addresses which receive HUMOR via local bulletin board,
area distribution lists, etc.  These numbers include both concealed
and non-concealed subscribers.
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HUMOR is sent daily to the following countries:
Argentina, Australia, Austria, Bahrain, Belgium, Belize, Brazil, Brunei
Darussalam, Bulgaria, Canada, China, Colombia, Cook Islands, Costa Rica,
Croatia, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Ecuador, Egypt, El Salvador,
Estonia, Fiji, Finland, France, Germany, Great Britain, Greece, Guam,
Guatemala, Hong Kong, Hungary, Iceland, India, Indonesia, Iran, Ireland,
Israel, Italy, Jamaica, Japan, Jordan, Kazakhstan, Korea, Kuwait, Latvia,
Lithuania, Luxembourg, Macedonia, Malaysia, Malta, Mexico, Moldova,
Mozambique, Netherlands, New Zealand, Northern Ireland, Norway, Pakistan,
Peru, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Russia, Saudi-Arabia,
Singapore, Slovakia, South Africa, Soviet Union, Spain, Sri Lanka,
Suriname, Sweden, Switzerland, Taiwan, Thailand, Turkey, Uganda, United
Arab Emirates, Uruguay, USA, Venezuela, Zambia

                              Total countries: 83

                  Email me if your country is not listed here.
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D.  The posts in the last week which have been chosen for the
sample.html page are as follows (in order as they appeared during the
past week):

The sample.html page has been suspended in my absence.  The link now
goes to http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/1262/Humor.html
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E.  The purpose of the Posters list is to protect our readers from
careless, quarrelsome, and selfish contributors. To become a
member request the instructions by sending the command GET HUMOR
GUIDE from our LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU address.

** The following are the goals of HUMOR:

To provide a daily average of 10-20 substantial examples of
humor.
To provide a diversity of humor: sources, forms, and subjects.
To provide freedom of expression for contributors and protection
of sensitivities for readers.
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F.  ** The following are the brief version of HUMOR's rules:

1) Three rules protect HUMOR from complaints.
  Subject line should disclose the subject of the humor.
  Subject line should include warning if potentially offensive.
  A contributor who violates rules may be suspended.

2) Six rules protect HUMOR members from excessive traffic.
  Only substantial examples of verbal humor should be posted.
  Discussion, requests, and criticisms should not be posted.
  One contribution per day.
  No personal attacks, no apologies, and no reactions.
  Articles should normally be shorter than 25 lines (99 lines
max).
  Conserve bandwidth: Avoid blank lines. No ASCII art. No
signature file.
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G.  Frequently Asked Questions
(note: all commands to the listserv address go in the body of the
message.  You may send as many commands as you like, provided you keep
one command to a line)

Q.  What's the address for posting to the list?
A.  HUMOR@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU.  You must have taken and passed the exam to
become a contributor before the listserver will accept your email
address.

Q.  How do I take the exam?
A.  Send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command GET HUMOR GUIDE, or point
your web browser to http://www.webcom.com/jimphynn/humor/guide.html

Q.  Is the test hard?
A.  Of course not.  We only ask questions about quantum mechanics, the
exact location (today) of the lost city of Atlantis, and which country
will bring home the most gold in the 2028 Olympics.  Easy stuff for
everyone, right?

Q.  I am receiving HUMOR in digest format.  How do I change this to
receive posts as they are sent?
A.  Send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SET HUMOR MAIL

Q.  I am receiving HUMOR in mail format.  How do I change this to
digest format?
A.  Send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SET HUMOR DIGEST

Q.  I don't want someone searching the listserver for my email address.
How can I protect myself?
A.  Send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SET HUMOR CONCEAL

Q.  What happens if I violate one of the rules of contributing?
A.  Larry Randall, our rules enforcer, may suspend you.

Q.  Is there any chance for some kind of leniency?
A.  You'd want to take that up with Larry -- preferably BEFORE you
post something that might get you in trouble.  His email address is
randall@mailstorm.dot.gov

Q.  How often do you send the Traffic Report out, Jim?
A.  I send it out once a week, on Sundays.  On the first Sunday of
every month, I send it to the entire HUMOR list.

Q.  So that means, if I get the report weekly, I'm eligible to
contribute?
A.  Unless you are in violation of one of HUMOR's rules.  Right.

Q.  If I'm suspended, will I get the Traffic Report?
A.  No.  When you are suspended, you will temporarily be removed from
the contributors' list.

Q.  So if I'm not reading this, I'm suspended?
A.  That's one way to put it, yes...  That reminds me of a Groucho Marx
quote: "I apologize for not writing sooner, but I've been so busy not
writing to other people, that I couldn't get around to not writing you
in time..."

Q.  How do I stop getting the Traffic Report?
A.  You have two options: first you could leave the posters' list
entirely, by sending LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SIGNOFF
HUMOR-P.  Let me warn you that if you use this method, the way to
become a contributor again would entail taking that short exam that
you got by sending LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command GET HUMOR
GUIDE
    Or you could send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SET HUMOR-P
NOMAIL

Q.  How do I stop getting HUMOR?
A.  You have two options: first you could leave the list entirely, by
sending LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SIGNOFF HUMOR
    Or you could send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SET HUMOR
NOMAIL

Q.  What if I want to change my email address?
A.  For HUMOR, you can change it yourself, by sending
LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SUBSCRIBE HUMOR, followed by your
real name from your new address, and then sending
LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SIGNOFF HUMOR from the old one.
    If you wish to change your email address for contributing purposes,
email either me (jimphynn@interramp.com) or Larry
(randall@mailstorm.dot.gov).

Q.  Can I have two different addresses registered to the listserver?
A.  Sure!  You can subscribe to HUMOR from as many addresses as you
like.

Q.  How about for contributing?
A.  Sorry.  Only one address per person for contributor's status.
Makes the paperwork easier, in case you violate the rules.

Q.  I don't violate the rules.  Can you make an exception?
A.  No.

Q.  Sorry.
A.  That's all right.

Q.  I'm going on vacation for an extended period of time.  I don't
want to have HUMOR piling up in my mailbox while I'm gone.  What
should I do?
A.  Send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SET HUMOR NOMAIL

Q.  How do I change it back when I get back to my computer?
A.  Send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SET HUMOR MAIL or SET
HUMOR DIGEST, whichever you prefer.

Q.  How do I get what I missed once I come back?
A.  All of HUMOR is automatically archived with our listserver.  To
get a listing of all of the logs (and how to get them) send
LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command INDEX HUMOR.  To get *the* current
archive, send the listserv address the command GET HUMOR NOTEBOOK.
Once a notebook exceeds 3000 lines, it will become a log.  (To those
twentysomethings in the U.S., no Schoolhouse Rock jokes, please...)
The command INDEX HUMOR clarifies all of this and gives you the
starting dates for each of them.

Q.  Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
A.  Why don't you check my pocket and find out?

Q.  Where is HUMOR's website?
A.  http://www.webcom.com/jimphynn/humor/humor.html

Q.  Who created it?
A.  Yours truly.

Q.  Great links page.
A.  Thank you.

Q.  Who are you, anyway?
A.  That belongs in the section after the next.
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H.  And now for my usual contribution of humor:

Subject: A visual joke 

What's this?  (stick out your tongue)
  A lesbian with a hard-on.
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I.  Jim Goldman,  HUMOR list Traffic Reporter and Webmaster
jimphynn@interramp.com        http://www.webcom.com/jimphynn

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