Traffic Report for June 1996

  1. Introductory comments
  2. The Traffic Report
  3. The countries receiving HUMOR
  4. Whose posts were chosen to be on the sample page this week?
  5. Why do we have a posters' list?
  6. What are the rules of contributing?
  7. Frequently Asked Questions
  8. A sample of humor
  9. Who is this "Jim" character, anyway?
  10. Month Index
The Humor List archives are being graciously hosted by

B.  About two years ago, Bill Edwards, the primary owner of this list, took
a hiatus from his responsibilities as owner to do some research in India.
He would occasionally contribute some jokes to the list from a remote email
address, but for the most part, he would only be known in name on this
    I am not going off to India, and I won't be gone for as long as Bill
was (about a semester), but due to the fact that I have accepted a new job,
and my training will require me to be out-of-town until the month of
September, I, too, will be taking a hiatus from my responsibilities as
listowner effective Monday 8 July, 1996.  I do not know yet if I will have
an email account where I would be able to contribute a joke or two, but I
have a responsibility to keep this list as well-informed as I can.
    In my absence, Bill Edwards himself will be taking over the Traffic
Report.  On the website, I have changed the hyperlink that would have put
you on my "Sampling of HUMOR" from the previous week's postings to Seth
Berger's publishing of the Digest every day.  I wholeheartedly thank both
of these men for helping me out here.  Words cannot fully express how much
I appreciate their assistance in this regard.  You can see Seth's home page
itself at  It is very well made,
and has some impressive banners.
    All else is the same.  The HUMOR website is still at  If you have any questions
or problems, over the next two months, Bill Edwards's address is

    As the song goes, "See you in September."
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C.          Traffic Report for HUMOR, 30 June - 6 July
                  (Number of articles posted each day)

                  4 Weeks  3 Weeks  2 Weeks   1 Week    Last
Date   Day          Back     Back     Back     Back     Week

 30  Sunday           8       13        9        8        8
  1  Monday          17       20       16       15       13
  2  Tuesday         17       12       18       12       10
  3  Wednesday       23       16       18       17       12
  4  Thursday        20       16       12       16       10
  5  Friday          18       14       23       20       11
  6  Saturday         6        5        7       12        8

  Averages          15.6     13.7     14.7     14.3     10.3

Subscriptions      8,842    8,794    8,819    8,804    8,776
Countries            82       82       82       82       82
Contributors        826      827      823      820      795

These are based on addresses registered to our listserver. It does
not include addresses which receive HUMOR via local bulletin board,
area distribution lists, etc.  These numbers include both concealed
and non-concealed subscribers.
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HUMOR is sent daily to the following countries:
 Argentina, Australia, Austria, Bahrain, Belgium, Belize, Brazil,
Bulgaria, Canada, China, Colombia, Costa Rica, Croatia, Cyprus, Czech
Republic, Denmark, Ecuador, Egypt, El Salvador, Estonia, Fiji, Finland,
France, Germany, Great Britain, Greece, Guam, Hong Kong, Hungary, Iceland,
India, Indonesia, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Jamaica, Japan, Kazakhstan,
Kenya, Korea, Kuwait, Latvia, Lebanon, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Macedonia,
Malaysia, Malta, Mexico, Moldova, Mozambique, Netherlands, New Zealand,
Northern Ireland, Norway, Pakistan, Peru, Philippines, Poland, Portugal,
Romania, Russia, Saudi-Arabia, Singapore, Slovakia, South Africa, Soviet
Union, Spain, Suriname, Sweden, Switzerland, Taiwan, Thailand, Turkey,
Uganda, United Arab Emirates, Uruguay, USA, Venezuela, Zambia
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D.  The posts in the last week which have been chosen for the
sample.html page are as follows (in order as they appeared during the
past week):

The sample.html page has been suspended in my absence.  The link now
goes to
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E.  The purpose of the Posters list is to protect our readers from
careless, quarrelsome, and selfish contributors. To become a
member request the instructions by sending the command GET HUMOR

** The following are the goals of HUMOR:

To provide a daily average of 10-20 substantial examples of
To provide a diversity of humor: sources, forms, and subjects.
To provide freedom of expression for contributors and protection
of sensitivities for readers.
F.  ** The following are the brief version of HUMOR's rules:

1) Three rules protect HUMOR from complaints.
  Subject line should disclose the subject of the humor.
  Subject line should include warning if potentially offensive.
  A contributor who violates rules may be suspended.

2) Six rules protect HUMOR members from excessive traffic.
  Only substantial examples of verbal humor should be posted.
  Discussion, requests, and criticisms should not be posted.
  One contribution per day.
  No personal attacks, no apologies, and no reactions.
  Articles should normally be shorter than 25 lines (99 lines
  Conserve bandwidth: Avoid blank lines. No ASCII art. No
signature file.
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G.  Frequently Asked Questions
(note: all commands to the listserv address go in the body of the
message.  You may send as many commands as you like, provided you keep
one command to a line)

Q.  What's the address for posting to the list?
A.  HUMOR@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU.  You must have taken and passed the exam to
become a contributor before the listserver will accept your email

Q.  How do I take the exam?
A.  Send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command GET HUMOR GUIDE, or point
your web browser to

Q.  Is the test hard?
A.  Of course not.  We only ask questions about quantum mechanics, the
exact location (today) of the lost city of Atlantis, and which country
will bring home the most gold in the 2028 Olympics.  Easy stuff for
everyone, right?

Q.  I am receiving HUMOR in digest format.  How do I change this to
receive posts as they are sent?

Q.  I am receiving HUMOR in mail format.  How do I change this to
digest format?

Q.  I don't want someone searching the listserver for my email address.
How can I protect myself?

Q.  What happens if I violate one of the rules of contributing?
A.  Larry Randall, our rules enforcer, may suspend you.

Q.  Is there any chance for some kind of leniency?
A.  You'd want to take that up with Larry -- preferably BEFORE you
post something that might get you in trouble.  His email address is

Q.  How often do you send the Traffic Report out, Jim?
A.  I send it out once a week, on Sundays.  On the first Sunday of
every month, I send it to the entire HUMOR list.

Q.  So that means, if I get the report weekly, I'm eligible to
A.  Unless you are in violation of one of HUMOR's rules.  Right.

Q.  If I'm suspended, will I get the Traffic Report?
A.  No.  When you are suspended, you will temporarily be removed from
the contributors' list.

Q.  So if I'm not reading this, I'm suspended?
A.  That's one way to put it, yes...  That reminds me of a Groucho Marx
quote: "I apologize for not writing sooner, but I've been so busy not
writing to other people, that I couldn't get around to not writing you
in time..."

Q.  How do I stop getting the Traffic Report?
A.  You have two options: first you could leave the posters' list
entirely, by sending LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SIGNOFF
HUMOR-P.  Let me warn you that if you use this method, the way to
become a contributor again would entail taking that short exam that
you got by sending LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command GET HUMOR
    Or you could send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SET HUMOR-P

Q.  How do I stop getting HUMOR?
A.  You have two options: first you could leave the list entirely, by
    Or you could send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SET HUMOR

Q.  What if I want to change my email address?
A.  For HUMOR, you can change it yourself, by sending
LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SUBSCRIBE HUMOR, followed by your
real name from your new address, and then sending
LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SIGNOFF HUMOR from the old one.
    If you wish to change your email address for contributing purposes,
email either me ( or Larry

Q.  Can I have two different addresses registered to the listserver?
A.  Sure!  You can subscribe to HUMOR from as many addresses as you

Q.  How about for contributing?
A.  Sorry.  Only one address per person for contributor's status.
Makes the paperwork easier, in case you violate the rules.

Q.  I don't violate the rules.  Can you make an exception?
A.  No.

Q.  Sorry.
A.  That's all right.

Q.  I'm going on vacation for an extended period of time.  I don't
want to have HUMOR piling up in my mailbox while I'm gone.  What
should I do?

Q.  How do I change it back when I get back to my computer?
HUMOR DIGEST, whichever you prefer.

Q.  How do I get what I missed once I come back?
A.  All of HUMOR is automatically archived with our listserver.  To
get a listing of all of the logs (and how to get them) send
LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command INDEX HUMOR.  To get *the* current
archive, send the listserv address the command GET HUMOR NOTEBOOK.
Once a notebook exceeds 3000 lines, it will become a log.  (To those
twentysomethings in the U.S., no Schoolhouse Rock jokes, please...)
The command INDEX HUMOR clarifies all of this and gives you the
starting dates for each of them.

Q.  Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
A.  Why don't you check my pocket and find out?

Q.  Where is HUMOR's website?

Q.  Who created it?
A.  Yours truly.

Q.  Great links page.
A.  Thank you.

Q.  Who are you, anyway?
A.  That belongs in the section after the next.
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H.  And now for my usual contribution of humor:

Subject: Quite the handicap 

 Bob stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. He waggled,
looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back-swing.
Finally his exasperated playing partner asked, "What the hell is taking
so long?"
  "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse," Bob explained.
"I want to make this a perfect shot."
  "Good Lord!" his companion exclaimed. "You don't have a snowball's
chance in hell of hitting her from here."
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I.  Jim Goldman,  HUMOR list Traffic Reporter and Webmaster

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1996 Indexes

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May June July August
September October November December
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