Traffic Report for April 1996

  1. Introductory comments
  2. The Traffic Report
  3. The countries receiving HUMOR
  4. Whose posts were chosen to be on the sample page this week?
  5. Why do we have a posters' list?
  6. What are the rules of contributing?
  7. Frequently Asked Questions
  8. A sample of humor
  9. Who is this "Jim" character, anyway?
  10. Month Index
The Humor List archives are being graciously hosted by

Hi, everyone!  This is Jim, with the new and improved
(drumroll please)...

                         B. Introductory Comments

As everyone can see, I have taken the liberty of making this
report more "user-friendly."  I send it out every week to the
contributors' list (the HUMOR-P list) and once a month to the
entire HUMOR list.  Welcome to the month of May.

Most of the questions I receive are now mentioned in the
"Frequently Asked Questions" section of this report, so feel
free to take a look at it if you have any questions.  If your
question is not answered, or if you have any other comments,
please feel free to email me at

Over the course of this past week there was a surge in the posting
of ASCII art.  I would just like to re-iterate that the rules of
posting have not been changed to allow this.

If you are not a contributor, but would like to become one, here is
your invitation to do so.  All you need to do is send an email to
all of the rules of contributing, and provides a short exam which
will quiz you on the most important aspects of contributing.  After
this exam you will get a notice informing you of your eligibility
to contribute.  You can also view the HUMOR guide on the web at

As always, my mailbox is open for you if you have any questions or
comments.  Please let me know what you think about this report in
its new & improved (as opposed to the previous "old and inferior")
format.  My email address is, or you can
visit my home page at  The HUMOR
website is located at:

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C.          Traffic Report for HUMOR, 28 April - 4 May
                     (Number of articles posted each day)

                  4 Weeks  3 Weeks  2 Weeks   1 Week    Last
Date   Day          Back     Back     Back     Back     Week

 28  Sunday          12       10       10       14        7
 29  Monday          27       18       18       19       15
 30  Tuesday         29       14       21       20       23
  1  Wednesday       24       21       25       24       22
  2  Thursday        15       17       28       28       21
  3  Friday          18       18       24       21       14
  4  Saturday        12       13       15        7       15

  Averages          19.6     15.9     20.1     19.0     16.7

Subscriptions      9,415    9,335    9,172    9,086    8,999
Countries            74       74       75       75       77
Contributors        776      785      795      793      791

These are based on addresses registered to our listserver. It does
not include addresses which receive HUMOR via local bulletin board,
area distribution lists, etc.  These numbers include both concealed
and non-concealed subscribers.

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a. Humor is dispatched daily to the following countries (If your
   home country is not listed here, please email me at

Argentina, Australia, Austria, Bahrain, Belgium, Belize, Brazil,
Bulgaria, Canada, China, Colombia, Costa Rica, Cyprus, Czech
Republic, Denmark, Ecuador, Egypt, Estonia, Finland, France,
Germany, Great Britain, Greece, Guam, Hongkong, Hungary, Iceland,
India, Indonesia, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Jamaica, Japan,
Kazakhstan, Kenya, Korea, Kuwait, Latvia, Lebanon, Lithuania,
Luxembourg, Macedonia, Malaysia, Malta, Mexico, Moldova,
Mozambique, Netherlands, New Zealand, Northern Ireland, Norway,
Pakistan, Peru, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Russia,
Saudi-Arabia, Singapore, Slovakia, South Africa, Soviet Union,
Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Taiwan, Thailand, Turkey, United Arab
Emirates, Uruguay, USA, Venezuela, Zambia
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                    D. Web Site Individiual Posts

The posts in the last week which have been chosen for the
sample.html page are as follows (in order as they appeared during
the past week):

     Name                              Subject
 1. Lyle J Kinnaman             Cusswords
 2. Bob Collins                 Dime goes a long way
 3. Sarah W. Soderlund          Limerick
 4. Mike Bishop                 Cletus and Cooter
 5. Mohamed El-Nadi             Taxi Drivers go to Heaven
 6. Aditya the Hindu Skeptic    Bovine Solutions
 7. Patrick Russell             Divorce
 8. Matt Grob                   Golf Ball
 9. Mark J Scheller             Good/Bad/Worse
10. Michael J Irvin             Full Deck-isms, Part VI
11. John M Scheer               A Few Jokes
12. Jon J Bisbey                Mad Cow Disease
13. Ken Brousseau Sr.           The One Eyed Cat
14. Gwen Eckman                 Dating rules for college
15. Joel Rosen                Law on the March
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                         E. Poster's List

The purpose of the Posters list is to protect our readers from
careless, quarrelsome, and selfish contributors. To become a
member request the instructions by sending the command GET HUMOR

** The following are the goals of HUMOR:

- To provide a daily average of 10-20 substantial examples of
- To provide a diversity of humor: sources, forms, and subjects.
- To provide freedom of expression for contributors and protection
  of sensitivities for readers.
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     F. The following are the brief version of HUMOR's rules:

1) Three rules protect HUMOR from complaints.
   Subject line should disclose the subject of the humor.
   Subject line should include warning if potentially offensive.
   A contributor who violates rules may be suspended.

2) Six rules protect HUMOR members from excessive traffic.
   Only substantial examples of verbal humor should be posted.
   Discussion, requests, and criticisms should not be posted.
   One contribution per day.
   No personal attacks, no apologies, and no reactions.
   Articles should normally be shorter than 25 lines (99 max).
   Conserve bandwidth: Avoid blank lines. No ASCII art.
   No signature file.
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              G.  Frequently Asked Questions

(note: all commands to the listserv address go in the body of the
message.  You may send as many commands as you like, provided you
keep one command to a line)

Q. I am receiving HUMOR in digest format.  How do I change this to
   receive posts as they are sent?

Q. I am receiving HUMOR in mail format.  How do I change this to
   digest format?

Q. I don't want someone searching the listserver for my email
   address. How can I protect myself?

Q. What happens if I violate one of the rules of contributing?
A. Larry Randall, our rules enforcer, may suspend you.

Q. Is there any chance for some kind of leniency?
A. You'd want to take that up with Larry -- preferably BEFORE you
   post something that might get you in trouble.  His email address

Q. How often do you send the Traffic Report out, Jim?
A. I send it out once a week, on Sundays.  On the first Sunday of
   every month, I send it to the entire HUMOR list.

Q. So that means, if I get the report weekly, I'm eligible to
A. Unless you are in violation of one of HUMOR's rules.  Right.

Q. How do I stop getting the Traffic Report?
A. You have two options: first you could leave the posters' list
   entirely, by sending LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SIGNOFF
   HUMOR-P.  Let me warn you that if you use this method, the way
   to become a contributor again would entail taking that short
   exam that you got by sending LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command
   Or you could send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SET

Q. How do I stop getting HUMOR?
A. You have two options: first you could leave the list entirely,
   by sending LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SIGNOFF HUMOR
   Or you could send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SET HUMOR

Q. What if I want to change my email address?
A. For HUMOR, you can change it yourself, by sending
   LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SUBSCRIBE HUMOR, followed by
   your real name from your new address, and then sending
   LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SIGNOFF HUMOR from the old
   If you wish to change your email address for contributing
   purposes, email either me ( or Larry

Q. Can I have two different addresses registered to the listserver?
A. Sure!  You can subscribe to HUMOR from as many addresses as you

Q. How about for contributing?
A. Sorry.  Only one address per person for contributor's status.
   Makes the paperwork easier, in case you violate the rules.

Q. I don't violate the rules.  Can you make an exception?
A. No.

Q. Sorry.
A. That's all right.

Q. I'm going on vacation for an extended period of time.  I don't
   want to have HUMOR piling up in my mailbox while I'm gone.  What
   should I do?

Q. How do I change it back when I get back to my computer?
   HUMOR DIGEST, whichever you prefer.

Q. What's the secret of the movie The Crying Game?
A. She's a man.

Q. Where is HUMOR's website?

Q. Who created it?
A. Yours truly.

Q. Great links page.
A. Thank you.

Q. Who are you, anyway?
A. That belongs in the section after the next.
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          H.  And now for my usual contribution of humor:

Subject: Jersey Girl 

note: all names mentioned in this joke are real towns in the
      state of New Jersey

There was this girl who lived in New Jersey, and she loved it so
much that she named parts of her body after places in the Garden
State.  One night she confided this to her boyfriend as he was
beginning to feel up her right tit.  "I bet you call this Mount
Pleasant," he said, and she smiled in assent.

Working his hand down her ass, he asked, "And this?"

"I call that Freehole," she replied.

Getting hot and heavy, he maneuvered his hand around to the front.
"I bet you call this Cherry Hill," he said triumphantly.

"Nope.  That's Eatontown."
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                         I. Who is Jim

 Jim Goldman,  HUMOR list Traffic Reporter and Webmaster
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