The Humor List
 

Digest for Saturday, September 06, 2014

Topics of the day:
1. School uniforms/dress codes (Phil G)
2. High Aspirations (George Matyjewicz)
3. A LITTLE REFLECTION ON LIFE AS A MALE (adult) (Mickey)
4. The code word (Grady Lacy)
5. Women (Paul Benoit)

________________________________________
Message: 1
Date: Sat, 06 Sep 2014 13:20:39 -0400
From: Phil G
Subject: School uniforms/dress codes

The dress code at our school is simple.
If you're not taken for one of the teachers, you're in trouble.

Our school has a strict dress code.
The only time we can dress the way we like is on Halloween.

We have a very simple dress code at our school.
Anything that's comfortable or looks cool is illegal.

Our school has a very strict dress code.
Laced shoes, pressed trousers, shirt and tie and that's just the girls.

Our school has a simple rule as a dress code.
If your parents wouldn't wear it, then you can't.

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Message: 2
Date: Sat, 6 Sep 2014 22:53:40 -0400
From: George Matyjewicz
Subject: High Aspirations

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

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Message: 3
Date: Sat, 6 Sep 2014 17:04:36 -1000
From: Mickey
Subject: A LITTLE REFLECTION ON LIFE AS A MALE (adult)

When I was 14, all I wanted was a girl with large tits. When I was 16, I dated a girl with large breasts, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen, she cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.

I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and flirted with everyone she met. She made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.

After College, I found a smart, ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

Now all I want is a girl with big tits

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Message: 4
Date: Sat, 6 Sep 2014 23:38:21 -0400
From: Grady Lacy
Subject: The code word

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, at the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".

This seemed to work and things went well, until the priest passed away one day. About a week after the new priest arrived; he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about
the code word.

Before the Mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about. Your wife fell three times this week."

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Message: 5
Date: Sun, 7 Sep 2014 08:00:29 -0400
From: Paul Benoit
Subject: Women

Women Are Like Bacon ...
They look good, smell good, taste good, and slowly kill men.

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