The Humor List
 

Digest for Wednesday, August 28, 2014

Topics of the day:
1. The Question (George Matyjewicz)
2. The Mother of all Jihadist Jokes! <stereotyping> (Lanny Julian)
3. Q&A du jour (Maurizio Mariotti)
4. PROFUSION OF PUNS GAGGLES OF GROANERS (Stan Kegel)
5. FIFTY!! (Paul Benoit)
6. Ignorance per Will Rogers (Grady Lacy)

________________________________________
Message: 1
Date: Thu, 28 Aug 2014 12:10:34 -0400
From: George Matyjewicz
Subject: The Question

A little boy was in a cemetery with his mother. "Mommy" the boy asked , "do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"

"The tombstone back there said, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 2
Date: Thu, 28 Aug 2014 13:11:40 -0400
From: Lanny Julian
Subject: The Mother of all Jihadist Jokes! <stereotyping>

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.

The older of the two pulls a small folder out of her handbag and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.

''This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.''

''Yes, I remember him as a baby.'' says the other mother cheerfully.

"He's a martyr now though." the mother confides.

"Oh, so sad dear...'' says the other.

''And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.''

''Oh, I remember him,'' says the other happily, ''he had such curly hair when he was born.''

''He's a martyr too...'' says the mother quietly.

''Oh, gracious me...'' says the other.

''And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would have been 18'', she whispers.

"Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, ''I remember when he first started school...''

''He's a martyr also,'' says the mother, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says ... "They blow up so fast, don't they?"

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 3
Date: Fri, 29 Aug 2014 10:03:01 +0200
From: Maurizio Mariotti
Subject: Q&A du jour

Q: What did Shakespeare say while he was shopping for toilet paper?
A: 2-Ply or not 2-Ply. That is the question.

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 4
Date: Fri, 29 Aug 2014 03:04:40 -0700
From: Stan Kegel
Subject: PROFUSION OF PUNS GAGGLES OF GROANERS

RIDDLES
What did one eye say to the other eye?
Between you and me, something smells.

What is it called when a horse runs around in circles?
Horsing around

Why did the Amish couple get divorced?
He was driving her buggy

What did the vet say when the snake got caught in the garbage disposal?
It won't be long now

If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather, what does he raise in wet weather?
An Umbrella
++++++++++++++++

PUNS & SHORT JOKES
* Someone reared on loaves of rye was bred on bread.
* I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five. (Steven Wright)
* Successful dieters might win the nobelly prize.
* For his 18th birthday, the cowboy gave his son a saddle and a red horse. He announced, "son, you're on your roan now. "
* They considered their silver anniversary a sterling event.
++++++++++++++++

PUN SERIES - DOCTOR, DOCTOR
* "Doctor, Doctor I've broke my arm in two places." "Well don't go back there again then"
* "Doctor, Doctor, I keep chewing on my feather pillow." "You do look a little down in the mouth."
* "Doctor, Doctor your patient insists she's invisible." "Tell her I can't see her today."
* "Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins; and my appendix, but I still don't feel well." "That's quite enough out of you."
* "Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pack of cards." "I'll deal with you later."
* "Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm an elevator." "You may coming going down with something."
++++++++++++++++

GROANERS & LONG JOKES
There was once a young lad named Kal-El,
Whose great powers we know very well.
As Superman, was exposed,
To Kryptonite, in his nose,
And it left him with no sense of smell!
(Chris Gross)

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 5
Date: Fri, 29 Aug 2014 07:39:47 -0400
From: Paul Benoit
Subject: FIFTY!!

At the banquet for Barbara and Lee's 50th wedding anniversary, Lee was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

"Tell us, Lee, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"

Lee responded, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."


Oh yeah, I forgot ... HAPPY 50th ANNIVERSARY TO THE OLD AND MrsPERFESSER!!!!

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 6
Date: Fri, 29 Aug 2014 09:57:06 -0400
From: Grady Lacy
Subject: Ignorance per Will Rogers

"Everyone is ignorant, only on different subjects." - Will Rogers

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index



 
 
ARCHIVE NAVIGATION
TRAFFIC REPORT
MONTHLY
ARCHIVE HOME
MONTHY POST INDEXES
TRAFFIC REPORT
YEARLY
MAIN SITE NAVIGATION
HOME SUBSCRIBE THE RULES F.A.Q.
TRAFFIC REPORT CONTRIBUTORS HISTORY BIOGRAPHIES
 
CONTACT
DOUG HARTER
WEBMASTERS
Douglas Harter
Sandy Sibert
CONTACT
SANDY(AKA MsSam)