The Humor List
 

Digest for Thursday, July 24, 2014

Topics of the day:
1. ONE-EYED REDHEAD (Mickey)
2. ONE-EYED REDHEAD - THE REST OF THE STORY (Stan Kegel)
3. Breaking News fro MMBS <adultish> (Maurizio Mariotti)
4. Pauly and Maury (Maurizio Mariotti)
5. PROFUSION OF PUNS GAGGLES OF GROANERS (Stan Kegel)
6. Overheard At The Pub (Paul Benoit)

________________________________________
Message: 1
Date: Thu, 24 Jul 2014 10:26:26 -1000
From: Mickey
Subject: ONE-EYED REDHEAD

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down but lacked the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back. 'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest. After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible! 'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies, 'You just happened to catch my eye.'

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Message: 2
Date: Thu, 24 Jul 2014 15:38:22 -0700
From: Stan Kegel
Subject: ONE-EYED REDHEAD - THE REST OF THE STORY

She went on to say it was one of the most memorable evenings she had ever had, and suggested they do it again.

He told her he felt the same same way, and suggested the next night.

She answered that that would be perfect and promised him, "I'll keep an eye out for you."

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Message: 3
Date: Fri, 25 Jul 2014 11:18:32 +0200
From: Maurizio Mariotti
Subject: Breaking News fro MMBS <adultish>

Asgard opens sex-change clinic, Norse Gods lining up to take the chop, Thor to become Thoretha, Odin to become Odina

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Message: 4
Date: Fri, 25 Jul 2014 11:44:15 +0200
From: Maurizio Mariotti
Subject: Pauly and Maury

Pauly and Maury are at the bar and chatting. It is to be noted that it's the 70s and that Maury in new to America.

Maury says, "I went for a job interview last week."

Pauly: "How did it go?"

Maury: "Well, there was a form to fill, and I did that to the best of my knowledge. For example, after my name and date of birth there was 'Sex' and I filled 'Yes, please.' Then there was 'Salary Expected' and I wrote 'Yes.' Then there was 'Achievements' and I truthfully wrote, 'I scored one million points at Asteroids.'"

Pauly: "Did you hear from them?"

Maury: "No, not at all."

Pauly: "That's odd..."

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Message: 5
Date: Fri, 25 Jul 2014 03:40:47 -0700
From: Stan Kegel
Subject: PROFUSION OF PUNS GAGGLES OF GROANERS

RIDDLES
Where do books sleep?
Under their covers!

What did one potato chip say to the other at the pool party?
"Shall we go for a dip?"

Why is it dangerous to tell secrets in a farm field?
Because the corn has ears and the potatoes have eyes!

Why did the farmer bury his money?
He thought it would make his soil richer!

What do you call an inexpensive pair of rollerblades?
Cheap skates
++++++++++++++++

PUNS & SHORT JOKES
* The tomato said, "Slow down, I can't catch up."
* If this ointment doesn't stop the itch, you'll just have to start from scratch
* If a restaurant isn't sweet to its chefs, they might dessert.
* The two porcupines that fell in love were stuck on each other. (Lederer & Entner)
* As the vulture says, "Carry on. "
++++++++++++++++

PUN SERIES DIFFERENCES
What's the difference between a healthy rabbit and some comedians?
One is a fit bunny, and the others are a bit funny.

What's the difference between a run-down hotel and a banner for a hive?
One is a flea bag, and the other is a bee flag.

What's the difference between a counterfeit coin and a crazy rabbit?
One is bad money, and the other is a mad bunny.

What's the difference between a coyote and a flea?
One howls on the prairie, and the other prowls on the hairy.

What's the difference between a world without any prehistoric animals and a room with no exit?
One has no dinosaurs, and the other has no sign o? doors.
(All from James Ertner)
++++++++++++++++

GROANERS & LONG JOKES
There was a young fellow named Hall
Who fell in the spring in the fall;
T'would have been a sad thing,
If he died in the spring,
But he didn't - he died in the fall.
(Powers Moulton)

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Message: 6
Date: Fri, 25 Jul 2014 11:20:04 -0400
From: Paul Benoit
Subject: Overheard At The Pub

"My wife really worships me ...
She puts burnt offerings in front of me every day."

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