The Humor List
 

Digest for Monday, July 21, 2014

Topics of the day:
1. Grammar (George Matyjewicz)
2. Someone Shoulda Told 'Em (Paul Benoit)
3. Restructuring news (Lee Bradley)
4. The Inventors (Mickey)

________________________________________
Message: 1
Date: Mon, 21 Jul 2014 12:39:46 -0400
From: George Matyjewicz
Subject: Grammar

Texan: "Where are you from?"

Harvard grad: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."

Texan: "Okay - where are you from, jerkface?"

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Message: 2
Date: Tue, 22 Jul 2014 06:47:57 -0400
From: Paul Benoit
Subject: Someone Should'a Told 'Em

AMAZING TATTOO GRAMMAR FAILS
http://guff.com/amazing-tattoo-grammar-fails

- No Dream Is To Big
- to live doesn't mean your alive
- God Is A Awesome God
- I'm Not A Bad Boy
Ive Just Made Bad Choice's In Life
- Live You're Life
- Life's To Short
- I'm richer then all y'all
I've got a bank full of pride
- A Love Thicker Then Blood
- Life Go's On
- Sweet Pee

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Message: 3
Date: Tue, 22 Jul 2014 10:02:26 -0400
From: Lee Bradley
Subject: Restructuring news

Headline:
Microsoft lays off 18,000 workers

Commentary:
"This restructuring will improve our bottom line, but of course, it won't do a thing to stop any version of Windows from cra
++++++++++++++++

From Euphemismland
Restructuring : firing :: land fill : garbage dump

'Restructuring' is to 'firing' as 'land fill' is to 'garbage dump.'

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Message: 4
Date: Tue, 22 Jul 2014 05:38:00 -1000
From: Mickey
Subject: The Inventors

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The 4 brothers walked into Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that 4 gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter. Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately. The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Jewish, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords. They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show, Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max, on the controls.

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