The Humor List
 

Digest for Tuesday, July 08, 2014

Topics of the day:
1. Just barely escaped! (Anna Welander)
2. Quotes From Women (Offensive to men) (Anna Welander)
3. Quit drinking! (Anna Welander)
4. PROFUSION OF PUNS GAGGLES OF GROANERS (Stan Kegel)
5. Breaking News (Maurizio Mariotti)
6. Can They Do That?? (Paul Benoit)

________________________________________
Message: 1
Date: Tue, 8 Jul 2014 21:42:52 +0200
From: Anna Welander
Subject: Just barely escaped!

We were going to destroy your civilization but then figured, "If it ain't fixed, why break it."

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 2
Date: Tue, 8 Jul 2014 21:46:25 +0200
From: Anna Welander
Subject: Quotes From Women (Offensive to men)

1. So many men, so few who can afford me.
2. At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all ... I just can't remember it all.
3. My Mother Is a travel agent for guilt trips.
4. Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.
5. Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich.
6. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
7. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
8. Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
9. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
10. Of course I don't look busy ... I did it right the first time.
11. Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
12. My husband is the head of the household, but I'm the neck (and the neck can turn the head anyway it wants it to move).

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 3
Date: Tue, 8 Jul 2014 21:53:47 +0200
From: Anna Welander
Subject: Quit drinking!

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by
the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.

"I`m a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it."

The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I`m glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they`re giving now!"

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 4
Date: Wed, 9 Jul 2014 02:52:21 -0700
From: Stan Kegel
Subject: PROFUSION OF PUNS GAGGLES OF GROANER

RIDDLES
Why do bakers go to work so early in the morning?
They knead the dough.

How do you make a slow horse fast?
Stop feeding him.

What kind of food keeps a dog quiet?
A hush puppy (Lederer & Ertner)

Can you spell 'hard water' only using three letters?
I-C-E.
++++++++++++++++

PUNS & SHORT JOKES
* Acme Picture Frames: We hang around your house (Anne Kostick).
* A hairdresser's salon is a place where some women go to dye.
* Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken!
* If need extra cash fast, keep your money in an Irish bank. I hear their capital is always Dublin (Gary Hallock)
++++++++++++++++

GROANERS & LONG JOKES
The sheer cliffs at this place on the planet
Are just great. To whoever did plan it,
Give thanks; be reflective.
Don't lose your perspective
Like some others and take it for granite.
(Kirk Miller)

PARAPROSDOKIANI was watching a movie while blending
A martini. The film was contending
How the drink came to be.
I'm surprised, didn't see
What would happen. There was a twist ending.
(Kirk Miller)

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 5
Date: Wed, 09 Jul 2014 12:02:18 +0200
From: Maurizio Mariotti
Subject: Breaking News

World Cup: After Germany's trouncing of Brazil 7-1, Argentina and The Netherlands will try and lose their semifinal encounter to avoid meeting Germany in the final

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 6
Date: Wed, 9 Jul 2014 08:18:53 -0400
From: Paul Benoit
Subject: Can They Do That??

FDA Finally Removes Cigarettes from Food Pyramid
http://recoilmag.com/fda-finally-removes-cigarettes-from-food-pyramid/

Washington, D.C. - Lobbyist for American tobacco companies expressed outrage Tuesday over the Food and Drug Administration's decision to remove cigarettes altogether from the food structure it had previously used to guide Americans' nutrition needs for more than 20 years.

"Last year the FDA retired the pyramid and replaced it with the food plate icon, which no longer acknowledges cigarettes as part of the four basic food groups requiring daily consumption by the human body," explained tobacco lobbyist Elaine Rutherford.

"The decision was not popular among Americans who'd become accustom to the one-to-two packs per day serving suggested by the old food pyramid." Rutherford went on to show other examples of the food plate icon conflicting with the day-to-day American dining experience.

"Notice that there's also no area reserved for condiments on the new diagram. But nobody really expects Americans to go without ketchup, do they?"

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index



 
 
ARCHIVE NAVIGATION
TRAFFIC REPORT
MONTHLY
ARCHIVE HOME
MONTHY POST INDEXES
TRAFFIC REPORT
YEARLY
MAIN SITE NAVIGATION
HOME SUBSCRIBE THE RULES F.A.Q.
TRAFFIC REPORT CONTRIBUTORS HISTORY BIOGRAPHIES
 
CONTACT
DOUG HARTER
WEBMASTERS
Douglas Harter
Sandy Sibert
CONTACT
SANDY(AKA MsSam)