The Humor List
 

Digest for Tuesday, July 01, 2014

Topics of the day:
1. PROFUSION OF PUNS GAGGLES OF GROANERS (Stan Kegel)
2. Riddles (George Matyjewicz)
3. It Was So Sad (Paul Benoit)

________________________________________
Message: 1
Date: Wed, 2 Jul 2014 03:44:19 -0700
From: Stan Kegel
Subject: PROFUSION OF PUNS GAGGLES OF GROANERS

RIDDLES
What ghost haunted King George III?
The spirit of '76. (Richard Lederer & Stan Kegel)

Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army?
He was a Yankee doodler. (Richard Lederer & Stan Kegel)

What's the difference between a girl and a mouse?
One charms he's, the other harms cheese. (Jim Ertner)

How did the proud Lion King survive when drought and famine hit the African Savanna?
He swallowed his pride. (Ken Pinkham)

Why did the witch buy a computer?
She needed a spell checker
++++++++++++++++

PUNS & SHORT JOKES
* I read a poem about wind, it was a blast! (Mike Bull)
* News of a coming flood was leaked
* My uncle called my grandfather a deer when he let my antelope.
* An armed robber who yelled 'freeze' at an ice-making plant was given a cold reception by the police.
* Rifle club members always stick to their guns.

PUN SERIES - TOM SWIFTIES
* "His Honor is crazy!" suggested Tom judge-mentally.
* "I've spotted more blackbirds than you have," Tom crowed. (Richard Lederer)
* "Please don't squeeze the toilet paper," said Mr. Whipple charmingly. (Gill Krebs)
* "I snapped a picture of that ghost," Tom said candidly with a shudder. (Stan Kegel)
* "I'm determined to go ahead with my hunger strike," said Tom steadfastly.
++++++++++++++++

GROANERS & LONG JOKES
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Badger.
Badger who?
Too badger got a chip on your shoulder.
(Richard Lederer & Jim Ertner)

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Message: 2
Date: Wed, 2 Jul 2014 07:13:21 -0400
From: George Matyjewicz
Subject: Riddles

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin PI

What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.

Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because he felt crummy.

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Message: 3
Date: Wed, 2 Jul 2014 07:47:51 -0400
From: Paul Benoit
Subject: It Was So Sad

BREAKING NEWS from PNN.news.com
-- Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

PNN: Making you more informed and obnoxious than when you woke up.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
(c) 2014 PBen News Network, Inc. ... "We say it, you believe it.

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