The Humor List
 

Digest for Friday, May 16, 2014

Topics of the day:
1. Racial Issues (may be offensive) (George Matyjewicz)
2. A Parent's Prayer (Anna Welander)
3. Breaking News (Maurizio Mariotti)
4. So She Told Her Daughter (Paul Benoit)
5. Superstitions (Anna Welander)

________________________________________
Message: 1
Date: Fri, 16 May 2014 13:02:58 -0400
From: George Matyjewicz
Subject: Racial Issues (may be offensive)

This recent racial issue with Don Sterling which has everybody wondering why a 20 something girl would go with an 81 year old guy. Simple, he said he was 96.

But that reminds me of an Alabama school bus driver way back when racial issues were common in the South. All the kids were arguing about who should sit where. The blacks said the whites should sit in the back of the bus; the whites said the blacks should.

Finally the driver stopped the bus. "Everybody out of the bus now!"

The kids all go off the bus, and the driver continued: "I'm tired of this fighting about blacks and whites and who should sit where. You are all GREEN! Do you hear Y'all are green!"

The kids stood silently and shook their heads.

"Okay, then," said the driver. "Everybody back on the bus. The dark greens to the back of the bus ..."

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Message: 2
Date: Fri, 16 May 2014 22:19:28 +0200
From: Anna Welander
Subject: A Parent's Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.

For if some peace I do not find,
I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind.

I pray I find a little quiet,
Far from the daily family riot.

May I lie back and not have to think
About what they're stuffing down the sink,

Or who they're with, or where they're at
And what they're doing to the cat.

I pray for time all to myself
(did something just fall off a shelf?)

To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
(Oh no, another goldfish dead!)

Some silent moments for goodness sake
(Did I just hear a window break?)

And that I need not cook or clean
(oh well, I've got the right to dream)

Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,

But as I look around I know,
I must have lost them long ago!

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Message: 3
Date: Sat, 17 May 2014 10:49:10 +0200
From: Maurizio Mariotti
Subject: Breaking News

Panel of scientists concludes there is strong evidence that hot air from politicians worldwide is causing Global Warming

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Message: 4
Date: Sat, 17 May 2014 08:33:24 -0400
From: Paul Benoit
Subject: So She Told Her Daughter

"Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend."

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Message: 5
Date: Sat, 17 May 2014 16:50:13 +0200
From: Anna Welander
Subject: Superstitions

Cindy and Beth were walking out of their dormitory one morning on the way to class.

"Oh, wait a minute," Cindy suddenly said. She ran back into the dorm building and came out a couple minutes later.

"What did you forget?" Beth asked.

"My blue ring," Cindy answered, holding up her hand.

"Why do you need it now?" asked Beth.

"It brings me luck," Cindy explained. "If I don't wear it, I'll fail my Physics exam today."

Beth commented, "Oh, don't tell me you believe in all those superstitions!"

"Oh, yes!" Cindy replied. "I have several. For example, If I don't wear my pink bracelet, I fail Anthropology. If I don't wear my white bead necklace, I fail Economics, and if I don't wear my gold earrings, I fail Political Science!"

"You know, I really shouldn't criticize," Beth said. "I have a little superstition of my own."

"Oh yeah? What's that?" Cindy asked.

Beth answered, "If I don't study, I fail everything!"

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