The Humor List
 

Digest for Thursday, April 24, 2014

Topics of the day:
1. MOM! (George Matyjewicz)
2. Opinion Column Humor <political> (Phil G)
3. One more time <insensitive> (Maurizio Mariotti)
4. Don't Want To Hear It (Paul Benoit)
5. History in the making (Lee Bradley)

________________________________________
Message: 1
Date: Thu, 24 Apr 2014 21:33:28 -0400
From: George Matyjewicz
Subject: MOM!

A small boy is sent to bed by his mother.

[Five minutes later]
"Mom."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

[Five minutes later]
"Mom."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can I please have a glass of water?"

"I told you no! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!"

[Five minutes later]
"Mommm."

"WHAT?!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?"

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Message: 2
Date: Thu, 24 Apr 2014 21:51:42 -0400
From: Phil G
Subject: Opinion Column Humor <political>

From James Taranto...
"Accusing Russia of failing to live up to its commitments, President Barack Obama warned Moscow on Thursday that the United States has another round of economic sanctions 'teed up'--even as he acknowledged those penalties may do little to influence Vladimir Putin's handling of the crisis in Ukraine," the Associated Press reports from Tokyo.

"Teed up?" What was it that somebody said about Putin playing chess while Obama plays golf?

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Message: 3
Date: Fri, 25 Apr 2014 10:08:49 +0200
From: Maurizio Mariotti
Subject: One more time <insensitive>

After his annual checkup, Bob learns that he has a rare disease and 12 hours to live. His wife tearfully says, "Honey, I'm going to give you a night you'll never forget."

They make passionate love with an ardor they haven't felt in years. When they're done, Bob asks his wife, "Can we do it again?" This time it's even more passionate.

Later, as she is about to doze off, Bob gives her a nudge and says, "Honey, I know it's getting late, but I think we can do it one more time."

"That's easy for you to say," she complains. "You don't have to get up in the morning."

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Message: 4
Date: Fri, 25 Apr 2014 06:15:28 -0400
From: Paul Benoit
Subject: Don't Want To Hear It

A fun thing to say from the toilet stall in a public restroom: "Siri, why is there so much blood?"

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Message: 5
Date: Fri, 25 Apr 2014 11:35:21 -0400
From: Lee Bradley
Subject: History in the making

A team of Russian paleontologists recently discovered a very, very old skeleton. Certain ones of them believe that they have the remains of Genghis Khan. Putin orders an immediate inquest and sends his own expert to examine the bones. After a night of study, the expert stands proudly by Putin, who announces that the bones are most definitely those of Genghis Khan. One of the reporters in the press conference asks, "How do you know for sure?"

Putin responds, "He confessed."

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