The Humor List
 

Digest for Monday, March 31, 2014

Topics of the day:
1. The Message (George Matyjewicz)
2. ObamaCare Enrollment Deadline <political> (Phil G)
3. An appeal (Maurizio Mariotti)
4. Ask And Ye *Might* Receive <adultish> (Paul Benoit)
5. CNN (Lee Bradley)

________________________________________
Message: 1
Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2014 12:36:21 -0400
From: George Matyjewicz
Subject: The Message

My dentist's patients are called and reminded the day before their scheduled appointments.

During an office visit, one man was in an especially good humor and explained why. "My staff kids me about the high opinion I have of myself," he said. "Yesterday your receptionist left a message that had them in stitches."

He related the memo his secretary had handed him: "Your crown is ready."

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Message: 2
Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2014 19:14:05 -0400
From: Phil G
Subject: ObamaCare Enrollment Deadline <political>

From James Taranto...
Well, this is it. Today is your last chance to enroll in a medical insurance plan under ObamaCare. There will be no exceptions, other than people who haven't yet enrolled.

And if you don't have insurance, you will pay a penalty. Make that a tax. Unless the tax would be a hardship in any way, in which case just don't pay it and the IRS will be totally cool.

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Message: 3
Date: Tue, 01 Apr 2014 08:33:13 +0200
From: Maurizio Mariotti
Subject: An appeal

My girlfriend doesn't like my dog, so I appeal to you. She is a purebred from a wealthy area and I have had her 4 years. She likes to play games. Not totally trained. Has long hair so she's a little high maintenance, especially the nails, but she loves having them done. Stays up all night yapping but sleeps while I work. Only eats the best, most expensive food. Will NEVER greet you at the door after a long day or give you unconditional love when you're down. Does not bite but she can be mean as hell!

So.... anyone interested in my 30 year old, selfish, wicked, gold-digging girlfriend? Come and get her! Me and my dog want her re-homed!!!

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Message: 4
Date: Tue, 1 Apr 2014 06:31:34 -0400
From: Paul Benoit
Subject: Ask And Ye *Might* Receive <adultish>

[excerpted from The Old Perfesser's diary]

Dear Diary,
I asked for a missionary position once but was turned down.

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Message: 5
Date: Tue, 01 Apr 2014 08:21:47 -0400
From: Lee Bradley
Subject: CNN

Breaking news from CNN: Amelia Earhart is still missing!

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