The Humor List
 

Digest for Saturday, March 22, 2014

Topics of the day:
1. Paddy (Lanny Julian)
2. Guardian Angel (George Matyjewicz)
3. $7.00 SEX (adult ) (Mickey)
4. God's Early Works (Paul Benoit)
5. The Moth Inspector <adultish> (Maurizio Mariotti)
6. Paddy (Lanny Julian)

________________________________________
Message: 1
Date: Sat, 22 Mar 2014 17:21:57 -0400
From: Lanny Julian
Subject: Paddy

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!' Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

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Message: 2
Date: Sat, 22 Mar 2014 20:44:48 -0400
From: George Matyjewicz
Subject: Guardian Angel

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on
your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the heck were you when I got married?"

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Message: 3
Date: Sat, 22 Mar 2014 16:20:41 -1000
From: Mickey
Subject: $7.00 SEX (adult )

An Arizona couple, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'

The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse..'

He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.

The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays
the doctor, then leave. Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'

The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything.

She's married; so we can't go to her house.

I'm married; and we can't go to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges $98.

The Hilton charges $139.

We do it here for $50, and best of all - Medicare pays $43 of it!"

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Message: 4
Date: Sun, 23 Mar 2014 08:30:52 -0400
From: Paul Benoit
Subject: God's Early Works

God: Now, how do you want to protect yourselves?
Shark: Teeth are good....
Snake: I guess venom.
Porcupine: Quills, very sharp quills.
Skunk: I wanna pee a really bad smell.

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Message: 5
Date: Sun, 23 Mar 2014 16:00:04 +0200
From: Maurizio Mariotti
Subject: The Moth Inspector <adultish>

A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains.

He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there. "Who the hell are you?" he yells.

The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector."

"Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?"

He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"

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Message: 6
Date: Sun, 23 Mar 2014 11:03:03 -0400
From: Lanny Julian
Subject: Paddy

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

The man said, 'I do, Father.'

The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

'Certainly, Father,' the man replied.

'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?

O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'

The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'

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