The Humor List
 

Digest for Saturday, March 01, 2014

Topics of the day:
1. Comment of the day (Lanny Julian)
2. SENIORS & COMPUTERS (Mickey)
3. That'll Scare 'em (George Matyjewicz)
4. #DrunkFilms INSPIRED TWEETS (Sandy \(AKA MsSam\))
5. Can't Wait (Paul Benoit)
6. At the office (Maurizio Mariotti)
7. Keeping Church and State apart <political> (Renaud (Ron) OLGIATI)

________________________________________
Message: 1
Date: Sat, 1 Mar 2014 12:29:55 -0500
From: Lanny Julian
Subject: Comment of the day

Guys at the barber shop asked me what actress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with.

I told them the one who knows how to fix elevators. I'm old, tired, and pee a lot

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Message: 2
Date: Sat, 1 Mar 2014 08:59:43 -1000
From: Mickey
Subject: SENIORS & COMPUTERS

As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers. I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.

Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong ?

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

Eric grinned. "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down:

ID10T

I used to like Eric, the little shit head.

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Message: 3
Date: Sat, 1 Mar 2014 19:12:29 -0500
From: George Matyjewicz
Subject: That'll Scare 'em

As I stepped out of the shower, I heard someone in my kitchen downstairs. Knowing that my wife was out, I grabbed my baseball bat, thinking that could scare him off, and crept downstairs, forgetting the fact that I was in my birthday suit.

I came around the corner with the bat raised, only to find my wife loading the dishwasher.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I thought I heard an intruder. I came down to scare him."

She looked my naked self up and down and mumbled, "You didn't need the bat."

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Message: 4
Date: Sun, 02 Mar 2014 06:00:07 -0500
From: Sandy \(AKA MsSam\)
Subject: #DrunkFilms INSPIRED TWEETS

- Shwrecked
- Close Encounters of The Blurred Kind
- One Threw Up Over The Cuckoo's Nest
- Eternal Sunshine of The Blacked Out Mind
- Fifty Shades of Grey Goose
- Tequila Mockingbird
- From Beer to Maternity
- The NeverEnding Forty
- Whiskey Business
- O Brother, Where Art Thou Pants?
- My Fair Lady Looked Better Last Night
- The Absinthe-Minded Professor
- The Color Purple Drank
- How To Drain Your Dragon
- Pretty Woman Until You Wake Up Next to Her Sober

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Message: 5
Date: Sun, 2 Mar 2014 08:21:33 -0500
From: Paul Benoit
Subject: Can't Wait

Q: Why did God require of Abraham that he sacrifice his son Isaac on the altar when Isaac was twelve years old?

A: Had he waited until Isaac was a teenager, it would not have been a sacrifice.

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Message: 6
Date: Sun, 02 Mar 2014 15:28:25 +0200
From: Maurizio Mariotti
Subject: At the office

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office.

When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."

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Message: 7
Date: Sun, 2 Mar 2014 07:30:36 -0300
From: Renaud (Ron) OLGIATI
Subject: Keeping Church and State apart <political>

There is a reason we cannot have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shall not steal", "Thou shall not commit adultery", and "Thou shall not bear false witness" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians.

It creates a hostile work environment.

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