The Humor List
 

Digest for Friday, February 07, 2014

Topics of the day:
1. Honest Applicant (George Matyjewicz)
2. The best affair <adultish> (Richard Nehrbass)
3. Help <adultish>(Maurizio Mariotti)
4. Best affair #2 <adultish> (Richard Nehrbass)
5. Yuck!! Signs You've Purchased A Bad Beer (Paul Benoit)
6. BOOK SHELVES (Sandy (AKA MsSam))
7. Things You Don't Want To Hear In A Tattoo Parlor (Anna Welander)

________________________________________
Message: 1
Date: Fri, 7 Feb 2014 14:00:45 -0500
From: George Matyjewicz
Subject: Honest Applicant

An applicant was filling out a job application.

When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"

The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 2
Date: Fri, 07 Feb 2014 15:53:32 -0800
From: Richard Nehrbass
Subject: The best affair <adultish>

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."

She looked down at his shoes and said, You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 3
Date: Sat, 08 Feb 2014 11:31:59 +0200
From: Maurizio Mariotti
Subject: Help <adultish>

A man and his son walk in the park and come upon two dogs humping. The son asks, "Dad, what are those dogs doing?"

The dad says, "Well, the dog on top must have hurt his two front paws, and that dog on the bottom is helping him home."

The son looks confused. "But, Dad," he says, "Mom is already home when the Postman does that to her."

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 4
Date: Sat, 08 Feb 2014 04:22:17 -0800
From: Richard Nehrbass
Subject: Best affair #2 <adultish>

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "No, not this time!"

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 5
Date: Sat, 8 Feb 2014 09:10:07 -0500
From: Paul Benoit
Subject: Yuck!! Signs You've Purchased A Bad Beer

- TV Ads Begin "From the sparkling waters of Lake Erie...."

- For some reason, it's sold in the detergent aisle.

- Instead of a wagon pulled by Clydesdales, the beer company has a wheelbarrow pushed by a doped-up monkey.

- The company isn't running any sort of sweepstakes, but the underside of the bottle caps all say, "Sorry".

- Tastes more like a mountain goat than a mountain stream.

- Picture on the label is of a guy throwing up.

- When you crack a couple open on a fishing trip and say, "It doesn't get any better than this," your buddies kill themselves.

- The second you take a sip, your liver explodes.

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 6
Date: Sat, 8 Feb 2014 06:15:25 -0800
From: Sandy \(AKA MsSam\)
Subject: BOOK SHELVES

I was working in a furniture store when a customer entered and asked to see the bookcases.

I reviewed the different cases for her, describing the available sizes and finishes. As I went along, I mentioned the different names: "The Library Case," "The Standard Case," "The Modern Case," "The Video Case" and "The Lawyer Case."

The customer stopped me and asked, "Why do they call it 'The Lawyer Case'?"

I replied, "If you look carefully, you will notice that so many of them are just a little crooked."

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 7
Date: Fri, 7 Feb 2014 16:17:46 +0100
From: Anna Welander
Subject: Things You Don't Want To Hear In A Tattoo Parlor

"Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."

"We're all out of red, so I used pink."

"There are two O's in Bob, right?"

"That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named Tahiti Sweetie."

"Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups."

"Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here."

"I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before."

"The flag's all done and, you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect."

"Oops ... "

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index



 
 
ARCHIVE NAVIGATION
TRAFFIC REPORT
MONTHLY
ARCHIVE HOME
MONTHY POST INDEXES
TRAFFIC REPORT
YEARLY
MAIN SITE NAVIGATION
HOME SUBSCRIBE THE RULES F.A.Q.
TRAFFIC REPORT CONTRIBUTORS HISTORY BIOGRAPHIES
 
CONTACT
DOUG HARTER
WEBMASTERS
Douglas Harter
Sandy Sibert
CONTACT
SANDY(AKA MsSam)