The Humor List
 

Digest for Friday, January 31, 2014

Topics of the day:
1. 50 Shades Of Grey <assumptive sexuality> (Mickey Hennigan)
2. One More Chance (George Matyjewicz)
3. Yellow dog (Lee Bradley)
4. The tooth fairy (Grady Lacy)
5. The Will (Maurizio Mariotti)
6. Folklore (Paul Benoit)
7. Tiger Lady <political> (Lee Bradley)

________________________________________
Message: 1
Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2014 07:47:53 -1000
From: Mickey Hennigan
Subject: 50 Shades Of Grey <assumptive sexuality>

He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again ... back and forth ... back and forth ... in and out ...

She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back. She was getting near to the end.

Her heart was pounding. Her face was flushed. Then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder. Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted, "Okay, Okay! I CAN'T park the bloody car! You do it, you smug bastard!!!"

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 2
Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2014 15:07:23 -0500
From: George Matyjewicz
Subject: One More Chance

A football coach walked into the changing room before a game. He looked over to his new signing and said, 'I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed arithmetic, but we need you to be in the team. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right then you will be allowed to play.'

The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, 'Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?'

The player thought for a moment and then answered, '4?'

'Did you say 4?' the coach exclaimed, excited that he had got it correct.

Suddenly all the other players on the team began shouting, 'Come on coach, give him another chance!'

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 3
Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2014 16:51:35 -0500
From: Lee Bradley
Subject: Yellow dog

When Maury was living in France, he took his yellow dog into the corner bar. "Your dog is welcome here," said the barman, "but I have to admit that I've never seen such an ugly, flea-bitten-looking, scraggly pet. "

"He may look pitiful," I admitted, "but there is no dog in Paris that can out-do him."

About that time, a woman with a German shepherd came in, and the big dog just slid under a table, cowering. "Hmm," said the bartender, "I've got a Saint Bernard out back. Let's see how your dog likes him."

The bartender brings in his Saint Bernard, which gets one look at Maury's pet, turns, and even breaks his leash, to get back outside.

"Yep," smiles Maury, "you're right. He's not a pretty sight right now, but you're seeing him right after I've clipped his mane."

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 4
Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2014 19:46:51 -0500
From: Grady Lacy
Subject: The tooth fairy

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter with me on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailing intrigued by the various necessary appliances, particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs.

One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 5
Date: Sat, 01 Feb 2014 09:52:03 +0200
From: Maurizio Mariotti
Subject: The Will

John Biggens is on his deathbed, knows the end is near, is with the nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons and says to them:

"Frank, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."
"Joan, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."
"Jimmy, I want you to take the offices over in City Center."
"Sally, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."

The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Biggens slips away, she says, "Mrs. Biggens, your husband must have been such a hardworking man to have accumulated all this property".

Sally replies, "Property? The loser has a paper route!"

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 6
Date: Sat, 1 Feb 2014 08:00:16 -0500
From: Paul Benoit
Subject: Folklore

One "folklore" cure for a cold consists of three shots of whiskey.

Sure, there are better remedies, but most people don't want to hear them.

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index


Message: 7
Date: Sat, 01 Feb 2014 11:24:11 -0500
From: Lee Bradley
Subject: Tiger Lady <political>

Late-Braking News Network
(LBNN) Hilary Clinton asks for your help in finding some Republican to run against her in 2016. "I want to WIN the White House, not just walk in while the GOP holds the door open for me." (Remember you heard it FIRST right here on LBNN.)

Return to Topics Return to Daily Topics Return to Monthly Index



 
 
ARCHIVE NAVIGATION
TRAFFIC REPORT
MONTHLY
ARCHIVE HOME
MONTHY POST INDEXES
TRAFFIC REPORT
YEARLY
MAIN SITE NAVIGATION
HOME SUBSCRIBE THE RULES F.A.Q.
TRAFFIC REPORT CONTRIBUTORS HISTORY BIOGRAPHIES
 
CONTACT
DOUG HARTER
WEBMASTERS
Douglas Harter
Sandy Sibert
CONTACT
SANDY(AKA MsSam)