The Humor List
 

Digest for Saturday, January 25, 2014

Topics of the day:
1. And then the fight started (Grady Lacy)
2. Real Insurance Accident Reports (George Matyjewicz)
3. Cider <adult> (Maurizio Mariotti)
4. Top Reasons For Joining The Church Choir (Paul Benoit)

________________________________________
Message: 1
Date: Sat, 25 Jan 2014 12:15:21 -0500
From: Grady Lacy
Subject: And then the fight started

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started ...

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Message: 2
Date: Sat, 25 Jan 2014 20:13:20 -0500
From: George Matyjewicz
Subject: Real Insurance Accident Reports

The truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian.

Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.

The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of it path when it struck my front end.

On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke.

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision.

The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.

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Message: 3
Date: Sun, 26 Jan 2014 15:04:00 +0200
From: Maurizio Mariotti
Subject: Cider <adult>

A little girl cuts her hand on the playground and runs crying to the teacher. She asks the teacher for a glass of cider.

"Why do you want a glass of cider?" the teacher asks.

"To take away the pain," sobs the little girl.

"What do you mean?" the teacher asks.

"Well," sobs the little girl. "I overheard my big sister say that whenever she has a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider."

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Message: 4
Date: Sun, 26 Jan 2014 08:13:38 -0500
From: Paul Benoit
Subject: Top Reasons For Joining The Church Choir

- You're running out of clean clothes and the robe saves on laundry.
- The church is usually crowded and you want to make sure you always have a seat.
- You've just been selected for jury duty and you want to get use to sitting with a large group of people.
- The collection plate is never passed to the choir.
- There's a clock in the back of the church and you want to know when one hour has passed.
- For years you have wanted to know who sits in the back of the church but were afraid to turn
around and look.
- You've been known to nod off during the service and don't want the minister/priest to catch you.
- The chairs for the choir are padded and are the most comfortable chairs in the church.

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