The Humor List
 

Digest for Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Topics of the day:
1. Secret to a Happy Marriage (George Matyjewicz)
2. At Confession <disrespectful> (Maurizio Mariotti)
3. Don't It Just Figure? (Paul Benoit)

________________________________________
Message: 1
Date: Tue, 21 Jan 2014 17:14:03 GMT
From: George Matyjewicz
Subject: Secret to a Happy Marriage

A man and woman had been married for more than 65 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

"Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."

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Message: 2
Date: Wed, 22 Jan 2014 11:06:55 +0200
From: Maurizio Mariotti
Subject: At Confession <disrespectful>

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the very best wines, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.

He hears a priest come in: "Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

The priest replies, "Get out! You're on my side."

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Message: 3
Date: Wed, 22 Jan 2014 06:44:45 -0500
From: Paul Benoit
Subject: Don't It Just Figure?

Pro football teams from the two states that legalized marijuana are going to the "Super Bowl".... Please pass the Doritos?

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