The Humor List
 

Digest for Sunday, January 05, 2014

Topics of the day:
1. College Football (George Matyjewicz)
2. Alternative to singing <adult> (Maurizio Mariotti)
3. Language (Paul Benoit)
4. Miss Maggie T Says ... (Marsha Coleman)
5. Carpe diem - and hurry (Lee Bradley)

________________________________________
Message: 1
Date: Sun, 5 Jan 2014 12:10:33 -0500
From: George Matyjewicz
Subject: College Football <political>

I know many of you are looking forward to college football season. Well, here's a recap of last year...

Alabama beat Arkansas and Arkansas fired their coach.

Alabama beat Tennessee and Tennessee fired their coach.

Alabama beat Auburn and Auburn fired their coach.

Alabama beat Notre Dame and the Pope resigned.

How do we get the White House to play Alabama?

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Message: 2
Date: Mon, 06 Jan 2014 12:48:59 +0200
From: Maurizio Mariotti
Subject: Alternative to singing <adult>

At the Old Age home, Mabel and Betty are chatting, and confiding in each other.

Betty says, "You know, The Old Perfesser that nice gentleman, comes to visit me in my room at night and we sit on my bed holding hands and singing old English songs."

Mabel says, "I also have a visitor, Maury, who comes to visit me in my room at night."

Betty asks, "And do you sing old English songs?"

"No," replies Mabel, "he's Italian and doesn't know any old English songs, so instead of singing we screw like minks all night."

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Message: 3
Date: Mon, 6 Jan 2014 11:40:24 +0000
From: Paul Benoit
Subject: Language

French is the language in which one speaks to one's lover.
Spanish is the language in which one speaks to one's God.
German is the language in which one speaks to one's horse.

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Message: 4
Date: Mon, 6 Jan 2014 08:24:34 -0600
From: Marsha Coleman
Subject: [Humorlist Joke] Miss Maggie T Says ...

Miss Maggie T says ... Never make the same mistake twice. There are so many new ones, try a different one each day.

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Message: 5
Date: Mon, 06 Jan 2014 10:56:54 -0500
From: Lee Bradley
Subject: Carpe diem - and hurry

Another year has passed,
And we're all a little older.
Last summer felt much hotter,
And winter seems much colder.

I rack my brain for happy thoughts
To put down on my pad,
But lots of things that come to mind
Just make me kind of sad.

There was a time not long ago
When life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
About "Living in the Past."

We used to go to friends' homes,
Football games, and lunches.
Now we go to therapy, to hospitals,
And after-funeral brunches.

We used to have hangovers
From parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches
And sleep the night away.

We used to go out dining
And couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
Come home, and take a pill.

We used to travel often
To places near and far.
Now we get back aches
From riding in the car.

We used to go out shopping
For new clothing at the mall
But, now we never bother---
All the sizes are too small.

That, my friend is how life is,
And now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up
Before you're too damned old!!

HAPPY 2014 !!

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