The Humor List
 

Digest for Saturday, January 04, 2014

Topics of the day:
1. It's yours! (George Matyjewicz)
2. Keeping up with the times (Lee Bradley)
3. neighborhood gossip <adultish> (Lee Bradley)

________________________________________
Message: 1
Date: Sat, 4 Jan 2014 19:11:21 -0500
From: George Matyjewicz
Subject: It's yours!

This guy drives up to his house and the place where he usually parks is full of snow. So, he parks in a nearby parking lot and walks back home to shovel out a car-sized space in front of his house. It takes hours to shovel, but finally done, he walks back to the lot to get his car. When he returns home, he finds that the space has been taken by some other car. He is, well, upset.

What most people do is write nasty notes, etc. and place them on the windshield of the offending vehicle. Police sometimes get involved, however, when the individual vents his wrath in somewhat more violent means.

So, this guy decides to get creative. Instead of doing the usual nasty note, he got out his garden hose and watered the automobile down, real well. I mean, very, very thoroughly. The water of course froze solid. When the owner returned, instead of a car, he found a car-sized popsicle.

The note on the car read, "You want the space? Here - it's yours until spring!"

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Message: 2
Date: Sat, 04 Jan 2014 21:18:39 -0500
From: Lee Bradley
Subject: Keeping up with the times

Pauly was strolling down the street one day and wandered into an antique shop. An unusual urn caught his eye, and he asked, "Say, buddy, how much is this vase here?"

"The urn to which you are referring, sir, is $650,000," said the antique dealer.

"Nearly a half-million bucks!" said Pauly. "Why so high?"

"Because, sir, this urn is over 3000 years old."

"You're pulling my leg!" said Pauly. "We've only just started 2014!"

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Message: 3
Date: Sun, 05 Jan 2014 06:18:44 -0500
From: Lee Bradley
Subject: neighborhood gossip <adultish>

Two of the ladies in the neighborhood whom Maury was accustomed to visit on a provisional basis were chatting over coffee one morning. "Y'know what that rascally Maury did last night? He knocked on my door
about 11 p.m., didn't he- just as I had gotten into my silk PJs and was headed to bed. Y'know how clever he is. I went to the door, and there he was, bigger'n life, with a most unusual presentation of the string of pearls that he had brought for me. I just had to ask him in."

"And what did you say to him?" I asked

"'Wjaddya think I am, a Jezebel who'll see you at any time of the day? And for a string of pearls? I
don't want you to see me in this light!'"

"And what was Maury's reaction to that?"

"Oh, he didn't say anything; he's everso infernally clever. He just turned out the lamp."

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