The Humor List
 

Digest for Friday, January 03, 2014

Topics of the day:
1. Resolutions You Can Keep (George Matyjewicz)
2. Adult Fairy Tale <adult> (Maurizio Mariotti)
3. What Your Style Of Beer Says About You (Paul Benoit)
4. Birthing pains <adultish> (Joe Whalen)

________________________________________
Message: 1
Date: Fri, 3 Jan 2014 13:33:27 -0500
From: George Matyjewicz
Subject: Resolutions You Can Keep

1.) Gain at least 30 pounds.
2.) Read less.
3.) Stop exercising. It's a waste of time.
4.) Watch more TV.
5.) Procrastinate more.
6.) Start being superstitious.
7.) Spend more time at work.
8.) Stop bring lunch from home and eat out more.
9.) Sleep more.
10.) Start a new bad habit.

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Message: 2
Date: Sat, 04 Jan 2014 14:29:36 +0200
From: Maurizio Mariotti
Subject: Adult Fairy Tale <adult>

Little Red Riding Hood went to her grandma's house and found her laying in bed.

Little Red Riding Hood said, ''Grandma, what big eyes you have!''

Grandma: ''The better to see you with, my dear.''

Little Red Riding Hood: ''Grandma, what big ears you have!''

Grandma: "The better to hear you with, my dear.''

Little Red Riding Hood: ''Grandma, what a big mouth you have!''

Grandma: ''Of course I do, have you seen Grandpa's dick?''

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Message: 3
Date: Sat, 4 Jan 2014 14:16:32 +0000
From: Paul Benoit
Subject: What Your Style Of Beer Says About You

What Your Style Of Beer Says About You

Pilsner - You're efficient and direct, never taking time to explore. You may not even read the rest of this.

Light Lager - You have a lot of guilt stored up and your best days are behind you.

Amber Ale - The amber is an escape from your bland history and acceptance of the bolder you.

Lager - You drink this in-between fights.

Pumpkin Ale - Let's date.

Bock - You have the class of James Bond, but the habits of a drunk mother at a family gathering.

Cream ale - Your disregard for your health is admirable if not a burden on our health care system.

Blonde - ou wear unconventional hats. That is all.

Dark Ale - You're aggressive and cantankerous, hiding a heart of gold.

Hoppy India Pale Ale - You embrace change and constantly seek to overcome yourself. Just as Nietzsche wanted.

Brown Ale - You feel no one respects you since the war.

Stout - You've grown thick skin, and could probably battle smaller species of bears.

Oatmeal Stout - You appear soft like a stuffed teddy, but you could win an arm wrestling tournament any day of the week.

Bitter - You are actually fairly positive overall, when you're not complaining about your ex, of course. You do that a lot, unfortunately.

Wheat Beer - You're a naturalist in every way. You're probably naked as you read this.

Fruit Wheat - You're not afraid of what others think of you.

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Message: 4
Date: Sat, 4 Jan 2014 10:45:53 -0500
From: Joe Whalen
Subject: Birthing pains <adultish>

A young couple is expecting its first child and agrees to take part in an experiment.

A doctor has developed a machine that will transfer the birth pains from the mother to the father.

The contractions start, the couple drives to the hospital, and the father is hooked up, first at 10 percent, but the man feels nothing. Level is raised to 20 percent. The mother-to-be is practically painless, but Hubby feels nothing. Level is raised further - 40 percent, 60 percent, 80 percent.

Finally the baby emerges and both husband and wife are completely without pain. Everybody's happy and the proud parents leave the hospital. When they get home, they find the mailman dead in the yard.

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