Digest for Tuesday, November 22, 2011

There are 6 messages totalling 231 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. Birth Rates Dropping
  2. My tax return
  4. Waiter!
  5. No Nativity This Christmas On Parliament Hill.....
  6. His Excuse


Date:    Tue, 22 Nov 2011 05:02:51 -0500
From:    Paul Benoit <phyfendrum@HOTMAIL.COM>
Subject: Birth Rates Dropping   <adult>


The number of births in the United States dropped for the third
consecutive year in 2010, with birthrates in many age groups hitting
an all-time low. What do you think?

John Hayes, Systems Analyst
"Fine, Iíll start fucking again."

Anne Barry, C.O.D Clerk
"Yeah, everyone is really cramming in the abortions before the Roberts
court takes another look at Roe v. Wade."

Peter Black, Machine Cleaner
"Guess that means Anne Geddes will just have to start dipping into the
ugly baby pool."

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Date:    Tue, 22 Nov 2011 06:01:45 -0800
From:    Richard <gbis-reply-100@GBIS.COM>
Subject: My tax return

They sent my Tax Return back! AGAIN!!! In response to the question:

"List all dependents?" I replied -
12 million illegal immigrants;
3 million crack heads;
42 million unemployable people on food stamps,
2 million people in over 243 prisons;
Half of Mexico ; and
535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate.

Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer but I believe its correct

Found in my Inbox, it may or may not be true!

Laugh often, it's the best medicine!

Richard Nehrbass

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Date:    Tue, 22 Nov 2011 07:29:11 -0800
From:    Sandy (AKA MsSam) <sandy@SSIBERT911.COM>

At Thanksgiving with her folks, single Sally prayed the following, "Oh Dear
Lord, I am not asking this for myself, but please send my mother a son-in-
= = = = =

We're having the same thing for Thanksgiving as last year ... Relatives!
 = = = = =

Using a new recipe, my wife put the turkey in aluminum foil. She had to roast 
until it was brown. Twenty-four hours later the aluminum foil was still 
= = = = =

And after you've finished gorging yourself on a huge Thanksgiving dinner, be
sure to watch one of those teeth-rattling, bone-crushing, gut-busting football
games on TV.  It always helps to know that someone is in more pain than you 

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

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Date:    Tue, 22 Nov 2011 11:42:00 -0500
From:    Phil Glowatz <PhilGlowatz@VERIZON.NET>
Subject: Waiter!

   Waiter, this food isn't fit for a pig.
   I'll take it back, sir, and bring you some that is.

   Waiter, how long have you worked here?
   Six months, sir.
   Well, it can't have been you who took my order.

   Yes, sir.
   Have you got asparagus?
   No, we don't serve sparrows and my name's not Gus.

   Waiter, do I have to wait here until I die of starvation?
   No sir, we close at six o'clock.

   Waiter, if this venison, I'm an idiot.
   Yes sir, it is venison.

   Waiter, do you have fried liver, boiled brains and stewed kidneys?
   Yes, sir.
   Well, you'd better go and see your doctor.

   Waiter, this soup is cold. Bring me some that's hot.
   Do you want me to burn my thumb, sir?

   Waiter, this restaurant must have a very clean kitchen.
   Yes, sir, it has. But how did you know?
   All the food tastes of soap.

   Waiter, do you serve crabs?
   Sit down, sir. We serve anybody.

   Waiter, there's only one piece of meat on my plate.
   Just a moment, sir, and I'll cut it in two.

   Waiter, will the band play anything I request?
   Yes, sir.
   Well, tell them to play cards.

   Waiter: And how did you find your meat, sir?.
   Diner: Oh, I just lifted a chip and there it was.

   A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his
   thumb over the meat.
   "Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on
   my steak?"
   "What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the
   floor again?"

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Date:    Tue, 22 Nov 2011 06:53:01 -1000
From:    Mickey <mhennigan@HAWAII.RR.COM>
Subject: No Nativity This Christmas On Parliament Hill.....

No nativity this Christmas on Parliament Hill.....

There will be no Nativity Scene in Capital this year!

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the
Parliament Hill this Christmas season. This isn't for any religious reason.
They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's
Capital. A search for a Virgin continues. There was no problem, however,
finding enough asses to fill the stable.

Found in my in-box. Author unknown to me, it may or may not be true! I don't
care if it's funny!

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Date:    Wed, 23 Nov 2011 00:04:00 -0500
From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: His Excuse

A woman is in bed with her husband's best friend when the phone

She answers, has a brief conversation and hangs up.

"Who was that?" the man asks.

"That was Harry," the woman answers.

"Your husband?" he says, bolting up, startled.

"Don't worry," she assures. "His excuse for not being home is
that he's out playing cards with you!"

Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes.
Art is knowing which ones to keep.

Bill Stebbins
Live well, Laugh often, Love much...

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