Digest for Monday, November 21, 2011

There are 5 messages totalling 176 lines in this issue.




Topics of the day:

  1. Breaking News
  2. I Hope Youre Happy....
  3. BOWLING TEAMS
  4. Turkey
  5. Warrantys Over


----------------------------------------------------------------------


Date:    Mon, 21 Nov 2011 14:12:05 +0200
From:    Maurizio Mariotti <mariotti@VENTURENET.CO.ZA>
Subject: Breaking News

Italian Satirists Want Berlusconi Back, Mario Monti Has Zero
Entertainment Value



--------------------------
To Subscribe to the Humor List:

Send an e-mail to: <listserv@listserv.uga.edu>
leave the subject area blank; in the BODY of the letter,
type: SUB HUMOR yourfirstname yourlastname
For more info on The Humor List and the archives, see
www.TheHumorList.com

------------------------------
 Return to Topics
Return to day index
Return to Month Index



Date:    Mon, 21 Nov 2011 07:55:18 -0500
From:    Paul Benoit <phyfendrum@HOTMAIL.COM>
Subject: I Hope You're Happy....

Every time you pay a bill online, a mailman has to explain
to his children why there'll be no Christmas this year.



------------------------------------------------
To join the UGA HumorList, to view the archives,
or for more information: http://TheHumorList.com
------------------------------------------------




------------------------------
 Return to Topics
Return to day index
Return to Month Index



Date:    Mon, 21 Nov 2011 06:45:35 -0800
From:    Sandy (AKA MsSam) <sandy@SSIBERT911.COM>
Subject: BOWLING TEAMS

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a
double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to  Louisiana. The Brunette team rode on
the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when 
one
of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She
decided to go up and investigate..

When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring
straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white
knuckles. The brunette asked, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having 
a
great time downstairs!"

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered ... "'YEAH,
BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!"

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Hey! Check us out . We're on Facebook now.

The Humor List
http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/The-Humor-List/241979695844031

Add your creative and humorous comment to the daily "Add A Caption" photo!

------------------------------
 Return to Topics
Return to day index
Return to Month Index



Date:    Mon, 21 Nov 2011 10:17:00 -0500
From:    Phil Glowatz <PhilGlowatz@VERIZON.NET>
Subject: Turkey

A lady was picking through the frozen
turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big
enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."



--------------------------------------------
To Subscribe to the Humor List:

Send an e-mail to: <listserv@listserv.uga.edu>
leave the subject area blank; in the BODY of the letter,
type: SUB HUMOR yourfirstname yourlastname
For more info on The Humor List and the archives, see www.TheHumorList.com

------------------------------
 Return to Topics
Return to day index
Return to Month Index



Date:    Tue, 22 Nov 2011 00:04:00 -0500
From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: Warranty's Over

Signs that the Enterprise is Nearing the End of it's Warranty:


-- Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.

-- Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".

-- Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.

-- Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner
    of warp coil now help up by phone book.

-- Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".

-- Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.

-- Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image
    from flickering.

-- Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling
    through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.

-- Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.

-- Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either
    side become too steep for crew to climb.

-- Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2
    people on board.

-- Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is overcome
    by ten thousand care bears.

-- Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft
    macaroni and cheese.

-- Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.

-- Bug in main computer speech processor: computer voice will
    either stutter or talk like Barbara Walters.

-- Untraceable glitch in plumbing periodically replaces water in
    Wesley's shower with frozen concentrated orange juice.

-- Ship's dryer indiscriminately shreds crew's uniforms, and
    related problem in fabrication machinery will only produce new
    clothing with Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.

-- Computer refuses to carry out commands unless captain says
    "Pretty please with sugar on it".

-- Replacement parts for automatic door to captain's ready room
    are exhausted and door must be replaced with bead curtains.

-- Saucer section separates whenever ship makes left turn.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes.
Art is knowing which ones to keep.

Bill Stebbins
Live well, Laugh often, Love much...

------------------------------
 Return to Topics
Return to day index
Return to Month Index

The Humor List's Home Page

The Humor List's Archived Files

The Humor List's List Owners' Biographies

The Humor List's Members' Rules and Regulations

The Humor List's Frequently Asked Questions

The Humor List's Top Contributors

The Humor List's Search Feature