Digest for Thursday, November 17, 2011

There are 6 messages totalling 205 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. The reward
  2. Breaking News
  3. You Just Might Be A Redneck....
  4. BIRTHDAY JOKES (For Randall Woodman)
  5. Coffee? Tea?
  6. Bad Luck


Date:    Thu, 17 Nov 2011 05:06:38 -0600
From:    Topolski, Leonard P. <Leonard.Topolski@LYONDELLBASELL.COM>
Subject: The reward

The wondrously stacked blonde appeared at her door in a strapless
evening gown that defied gravity.

"Terrific!" said her admiring escort. "I don't see what holds that
dress up!"

"Play your cards right, dear, and you will," she murmured.

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Date:    Thu, 17 Nov 2011 13:46:26 +0200
From:    Maurizio Mariotti <mariotti@VENTURENET.CO.ZA>
Subject: Breaking News

Herman Cain Admits he Cannot See Libya from his Front Porch, Denies
Molesting Her

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Date:    Thu, 17 Nov 2011 07:58:18 -0500
From:    Paul Benoit <phyfendrum@HOTMAIL.COM>
Subject: You Just Might Be A Redneck....

....if you think Sherlock Holmes is a housing project down in Biloxi.

....if you believe you've got a set of matched luggage when you have
two shopping bags from the same store.

....if you think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

....if you lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right
off it's wheels.

....if you and your dog use the same tree.

....if you believe dual air bags refers to your wife and mother-in-law.

....if you've ever had to scratch your sister's name out of a message
that begins, "For a good time time call...."

....if you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.

....if you can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

....if the third grade teacher says little Bubba could be a mathematical
genius because he's got thirteen fingers.

....if you just bought an 8-track player to put in your truck.

....if you ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

....if your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.

....if the FBI surrounded your trailer park twice so far this year.

....if you wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

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Date:    Thu, 17 Nov 2011 06:00:34 -0800
From:    Sandy (AKA MsSam) <sandy@SSIBERT911.COM>
Subject: BIRTHDAY JOKES (For Randall Woodman)

Grandma, is it exciting being 99?
It certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd be dead.
 = = = = = = = = = =

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing
'Happy Birthday.'
 = = = = = = = = = =

"Were any famous men born on your birthday?"
"No, only little babies."
 = = = = = = = = = =

What do you give a nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday?
I don't know, but you'd better hope he likes it!
 = = = = = = = = = =

Boyfriend: Why didn't you give me anything for my birthday?
Girlfriend: You told me to surprise you.
 = = = = = = = = = =

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll 
my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."

Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls
around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.

She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"

He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

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Date:    Thu, 17 Nov 2011 14:10:55 -0500
From:    Grady Lacy <gradylacy@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: Coffee? Tea?

=E2=80=9CIf this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, pl=
ease bring me some coffee.=E2=80=9D

              -- Abraham Lincoln

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Date:    Fri, 18 Nov 2011 00:04:00 -0500
From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: Bad Luck

I've been known to say that "If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have
no luck at all."

Several of my friends claim I'm just too pessimistic, and one
challenged me to demonstrate how my luck was always bad.

So I said to him, "Point of fact, I've always had bad luck with

"Bad luck with women!?\" he exclaimed.  "You've been married,
twice, and both wives were knock-outs!"

"My luck has been especially bad with both of my wives."

"How so?" he asked.

"The first one left me ... and the second one hasn't."

Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes.
Art is knowing which ones to keep.

Bill Stebbins
Live well, Laugh often, Love much...

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