Digest for Tuesday, November 15, 2011

There are 5 messages totalling 181 lines in this issue.




Topics of the day:

  1. Magnanimous
  2. Dear Diary
  3. Men Jokes
  4. Business
  5. PIZZA DELIVERY


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Date:    Tue, 15 Nov 2011 05:01:30 -0500
From:    Paul Benoit <phyfendrum@HOTMAIL.COM>
Subject: Magnanimous

[excerpted from The Old Perfesser's diary]


Dear Diary,


I have decided I will not be judgmental toward all the idiots,
dingbats, and bozos in my life.


- The Old Perfesser



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Date:    Tue, 15 Nov 2011 13:51:13 +0200
From:    Maurizio Mariotti <mariotti@VENTURENET.CO.ZA>
Subject: Dear Diary

[Excerpted from MM's secret journal]

Dear Diary,

My latest genius plan:

1) Wait until the meek inherit the Earth.

2) Bully them into giving it to me.

MM


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Date:    Sat, 5 Nov 2011 18:38:00 -0400
From:    Phil Glowatz <PhilGlowatz@VERIZON.NET>
Subject: Men Jokes

Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
Close the door.

When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.

How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.

What are a woman's four favorite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage,
a tiger in bedroom, and an ass to pay for it all.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.



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Date:    Tue, 15 Nov 2011 07:22:15 -0600
From:    Topolski, Leonard P. <Leonard.Topolski@LYONDELLBASELL.COM>
Subject: Business

Schwartz and Feldman, partners in the garment industry, had
just suffered through their worst season ever. Eight
thousand madras sports coats were hanging on the rack
unsold, and bankruptcy was looming closer each day.


Out of the blue, in walked a buyer from Australia. "I say
there," he began, "you boys wouldn't happen to have any
madras sports coats, would you? I've been looking for them
everywhere."


Schwartz said there MIGHT be a few left, and soon a deal
was made whereby the eight thousand jackets would be
shipped to Australia at a handsome profit.


"There is one thing though," said the Australian buyer. "For
an order this large, I'll have to get a confirmation from my
home office. I don't anticipate any problem, and unless I
send you a telegram by this Friday, the deal goes through as
planned."


Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday passed slowly, with the
partners nervously waiting to see if the Australian would
change his mind. Friday morning went by without incident.
Schwartz and Feldman were closing up shop when, at five
minutes to five, there was a knock on the door: .....
"Telegram!"


The partners froze. Trembling, Feldman grabbed the telegram
and opened it. Suddenly, his face lit up. "Schwartz,
GREAT NEWS! Your brother died!"



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Date:    Tue, 15 Nov 2011 05:46:23 -0800
From:    Sandy (AKA MsSam) <sandy@SSIBERT911.COM>
Subject: PIZZA DELIVERY

A college student was delivering pizza to a regular customer's house in New
York. The guy who answered the door asked him, "What is the usual tip?"

"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say
if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."

"Is that so?" snorted the man. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are,
here's five dollars."

"Thanks!" replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."

"What are you studying?" asked the man.

The lad smiled and said, "Applied psychology."

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