Digest for Saturday, November 12, 2011

There are 5 messages totalling 189 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. =?utf-8?B?TW9ybmluZyDimasg?= =?utf-8?Q?Is_Broken_?= =?utf-8?B?4pmq?=
  2. Breaking News
  4. Lexiphile Humour.....
  5. Wouldnt Miss It


Date:    Sat, 12 Nov 2011 06:46:00 -0500
From:    Paul Benoit <phyfendrum@HOTMAIL.COM>
Subject: =?utf-8?B?TW9ybmluZyDimasg?= =?utf-8?Q?Is_Broken_?= =?utf-8?B?4pmq?=


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Date:    Sat, 12 Nov 2011 14:00:44 +0200
From:    Maurizio Mariotti <mariotti@VENTURENET.CO.ZA>
Subject: Breaking News

Italian Parliament Approves Strict Austerity Measures: Five Percent
Less Topping on Pizzas

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Date:    Sat, 12 Nov 2011 06:09:27 -0800
From:    Sandy (AKA MsSam) <sandy@SSIBERT911.COM>

A young blonde was taking her first airplane flight. About one hour into the
flight the pilot announced over the intercom, "One of our four engines is out,
we will be about fifteen minutes late arriving."

She continued to read her "Glamour" magazine. About 30 minutes later the pilot
came on the intercom again and said, "There is a second engine out, we will be
about thirty minutes late."

The blonde passenger, looked up a bit concerned but returned to reading her
magazine. Fifteen minutes after that the pilot once again came on the intercom
and said, "I'm sorry to say that there is a third engine out, we'll be about 
hour late arriving at our destination."

The blonde turned to the man sitting next to her and said, "Boy if that forth
engine goes out, we'll be up here all day."

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Date:    Sat, 12 Nov 2011 10:47:46 -1000
From:    Mickey <mhennigan@HAWAII.RR.COM>
Subject: Lexiphile Humour.....


Lexiphile (i.e., "lovers of words" you know, like, you can tune a piano, =
but you can't tuna fish, or I wondered why the baseball was getting =
bigger, then it hit me. etc.). Well, here are some for you to =

To write with a broken pencil is...pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes...take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar=E2=80=A6got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles.....U.C.L.A.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes...was on shaky =

The batteries were given out... free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married...they fought tooth and nail.

A will is a...dead giveaway.

If you don't pay your exorcist...you can get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name...and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you...a-flat =

You are stuck with your debt if...you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia...the LAN down under.

A boiled egg is...hard to beat.

When you've seen one shopping center...you've seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was...resisting =
a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's =
all right now.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could...jog your memory.

A bicycle can't stand alone...it is two tired.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism...it's your =
count that votes.

When a clock is hungry...it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine...was fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory...which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be...exposed in the end.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair...she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture...a jab well done.

Found in my in-box. Author unknown to me, it may or may not be true! I =
don=E2=80=99t care if it=E2=80=99s funny!


To subscribe, send an email to LISTSERV@LISTSERV.UGA.EDU with the =
command SUBSCRIBE HUMOR your first name your last name in the BODY of =
the message.



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Date:    Sun, 13 Nov 2011 00:08:00 -0400
From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: Wouldn't Miss It

I was at a once in a lifetime corporate hospitality suite at a
premier football game and I got an urgent call from the wife
saying her mum's been hit by a bus and has only hours to live.

Fifteen minutes later, I'm at the hospital and the wife's hugging
me.  "Thank you, thank you darling.  To think that you would
miss...that you would give up...."  She sputtered, finally
speechlessly giving up.

"Don't worry, love, I wouldn't miss this - I'm taping it and I'll
watch it later."

Dunno why she got so upset when I started setting up the camcorder.

Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes.
Art is knowing which ones to keep.

Bill Stebbins
Live well, Laugh often, Love much...

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