Digest for Sunday, November 06, 2011

There are 5 messages totalling 181 lines in this issue.




Topics of the day:

  1. TIME CHANGE
  2. Men Jokes
  3. TERRORIST PROBLEMS WITH TIME CHANGE
  4. Lie-detecting robot
  5. Shark Attack


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Date:    Sun, 6 Nov 2011 07:01:37 -0500
From:    Paul Benoit <phyfendrum@HOTMAIL.COM>
Subject: TIME CHANGE

I reset all the clocks back an hour last night.
I even moved my bathroom scale behind an ounce.



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Date:    Sat, 5 Nov 2011 18:38:00 -0400
From:    Phil Glowatz <PhilGlowatz@VERIZON.NET>
Subject: Men Jokes

Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
Close the door.

When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.

How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.

What are a woman's four favorite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage,
a tiger in bedroom, and an ass to pay for it all.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.



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Date:    Sun, 6 Nov 2011 06:39:08 -0800
From:    Sandy (AKA MsSam) <sandy@SSIBERT911.COM>
Subject: TERRORIST PROBLEMS WITH TIME CHANGE

The switch away from daylight savings time caused consternation among terrorist
groups this year.

At precisely 5:30 Israel time on Sunday, two coordinated car bombs exploded in
different cities, killing three terrorists who were transporting the bombs. It
was initially believed that the devices had been detonated prematurely by klutzy
amateurs.

A closer look revealed the truth behind the untimely explosions. Three days
before, Israel had made a premature switch from daylight savings time to
standard time in order to accommodate a week of Slihot, involving pre-sunrise
prayers. Palestinians refused to "live on Zionist time." Two weeks of scheduling
havoc ensued.

The bombs had been prepared in a Palestine-controlled area, and set on Daylight
Savings time. The confused drivers had already switched to standard time. As a
result, the cars were still en-route when the explosives detonated, delivering
to the terrorists their well-deserved demise.

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Date:    Sun, 6 Nov 2011 15:16:19 -1000
From:    Mickey <mhennigan@HAWAII.RR.COM>
Subject: Lie-detecting robot

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides
to test it at dinner.

"Son, where were you today?"
The son says "at school dad."
Robot slaps the son!
"Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends house!" the son says
"What dvd?" asks the father
"Toy story."
Robot slaps the son again!
"Ok, it was a porno" cries the son.
"What!? When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" says the dad. Robot
slaps the dad!
Mom laughs "HaHaHa! He's certainly your son."
Robot slaps the mom!
Awkward Silence



Found in my in-box. Author unknown to me, it may or may not be true! I don't
care if it's funny!



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Date:    Mon, 7 Nov 2011 00:01:00 -0400
From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: Shark Attack

An atheist was swimming in the ocean, when all of the sudden he saw
a shark in the water.  He immediately turns and heads towards his
boat.

As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His
boat is still quite a ways off so he starts swimming like crazy.
He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great
white beast open, revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the
atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"

In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from
above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice
of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you
do not believe in me?"

Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie, the man replies,
"Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark?
Can you make the shark believe in you?"

The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into
the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once
again.

As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start
to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls
back!  He was saved!

In shock, the man continues to watch the shark as the huge beast
closes its eyes, and begins to speak.  Unable to hear, he swims a
bit closer.  Now, almost on top of the beast, he sees the shark
bow its head and say, "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to
receive..."

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes.
Art is knowing which ones to keep.

Bill Stebbins
Live well, Laugh often, Love much...

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