Digest for Friday, November 04, 2011

There are 5 messages totalling 185 lines in this issue.




Topics of the day:

  1. Breaking News
  2. Sports
  3. CHINESE RESTAURANT
  4. We Apologize
  5. The Hokey Pokey - Shakespearean Style


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Date:    Fri, 4 Nov 2011 13:33:40 +0200
From:    Maurizio Mariotti <mariotti@VENTURENET.CO.ZA>
Subject: Breaking News

Greek Prime Minister Calls for a Referendum on the Suitability of
Holding a Referendum on the Referendum


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Date:    Fri, 4 Nov 2011 06:36:35 -0600
From:    Emko Witteveen <emko@MAC.COM>
Subject: Sports

A man who was watching a hockey game on TV and kept switching
channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple.
"I don't know whether to watch them or the game," he said to his wife.
"For heaven's sake, watch them," his wife said.
"You already know how to play Hockey!"
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Date:    Fri, 4 Nov 2011 07:18:37 -0700
From:    Sandy (AKA MsSam) <sandy@SSIBERT911.COM>
Subject: CHINESE RESTAURANT

Rhoda and Harry go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken
Surprise.' The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as
Rhoda is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she
briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back
down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband, Harry. He hasn't, so she
asks him to look in the pot. Harry reaches for it and again the lid rises, and
he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed,
he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an
explanation.

"Please sir," stammers the waiter, "what you order?"

Harry replies, "Chicken Surprise."

"Ah! So sorry, is mistake," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck!"

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Date:    Fri, 4 Nov 2011 12:57:12 -0400
From:    Paul Benoit <phyfendrum@HOTMAIL.COM>
Subject: We Apologize

A LETTER FROM BANK OF AMERICA
An Apology to Our Customers

The following letter was sent today by Bank of America to all of its
debit card customers:


Dear Valued Customer:

As most of you probably know by now, last month we instituted a $5 monthly
fee for all of our debit card users. To say that what followed this decision
was a shitstorm would be a massive understatement.

Considering that just three years earlier taxpayers had bailed us out with
billions of their hard-earned dollars, it's understandable that Bank of
America was compared to a person who, as he is pulled from a burning building,
turns and kicks the fireman in the nuts.

Thatís why we are writing to you today with a simple message: "Our bad." And
to tell you that we are refunding the $5 to you, effective immediately. All
you have to do is pay a simple, one-time $10 refund fee.

You can receive your refund online, or pick it up at your nearest Bank of
America branch, where a teller will hand the money directly to you for a simple,
one-time $15 handling fee.

If you do visit your branch, feel free to use any of our services, including
our state of the art ballpoint pens and deposit slips. (Prices on request.)

Again, accept our apologies for instituting the debit card fee. We have learned
our lesson, and we make this solemn promise: next time we squeeze money from you,
we'll do it in a way you won't notice.

Sincerely,
Bank of America



. . . . . . . . ( © Andy Borowitz )
. . . . . . . . ( borowitzreport.com )




**************************
I was at the train station and decided to use the restroom, but when
I attempted to use one of the facilities it said "OCCUPIED"....
Holy crap, those occupiers are everywhere!!!




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Date:    Sat, 5 Nov 2011 00:28:00 -0400
From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: The Hokey Pokey - Shakespearean Style

Original Lyrics (just in case you've forgotten)

Put your left foot in,
Your left foot out,
Your left foot in,
And shake it all about.
You do the hokey pokey
And turn yourself around
That's what it's all about.


Shakespearean Style

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke.
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt.
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes.
Art is knowing which ones to keep.

Bill Stebbins
Live well, Laugh often, Love much...

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