Digest for Thursday, November 03, 2011

There are 4 messages totalling 190 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. Whered He Go?!?
  2. Norm Quotes
  4. The Name Game


Date:    Thu, 3 Nov 2011 07:46:30 -0400
From:    Paul Benoit <phyfendrum@HOTMAIL.COM>
Subject: Where'd He Go?!?

"Ohio police pulled over thirty year-old Erin Holdsworth after a
high speed car chase Thursday and found her topless and wearing
only fishnet stockings and high heels. The cops chased her for miles.
No one could figure out when the congressman fell out of the car."

   - Argus Hamilton

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Date:    Thu, 3 Nov 2011 10:11:00 -0400
From:    Phil Glowatz <PhilGlowatz@VERIZON.NET>
Subject: Norm Quotes

Norm Quotes

SAM:  "What's shaking Norm?"
NORM: "All four cheeks & a couple of chins."

SAM:  "What's new Normie?"
NORM: "Terrorists, Sam.  They've taken over my stomach & they're
         demanding beer."

SAM:  "What'd you like Normie?"
NORM: "A reason to live.  Give me another beer."

SAM:  "What'll you have Normie?"
NORM: "Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy.  I'll take a glass of whatever
         comes out of that tap."
SAM:  "Looks like beer, Norm."
NORM: "Call me Mister Lucky."

SAM:  "Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"
NORM: "Like a baby treats a diaper."

WOODY: "What's the story Mr. Peterson?"
NORM: "The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery.  Let's cut to the happy

WOODY: "Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."
NORM: "I know, if she calls, I'm not here."

SAM:  "Beer, Norm?"
NORM: "Have I gotten that predictable?  Good."

SAM:  "Whatcha up to Norm?"
NORM: "My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

WOODY: "How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
NORM:  "Poor."
WOODY: "I'm sorry to hear that."
NORM:  "No, I mean pour."

SAM:  "How's life treating you Norm?"
NORM: "Like it caught me sleeping with its wife."

SAM:  "What's going down, Normie?"
NORM: "My butt cheeks on that bar stool."

WOODY: "Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
NORM:  "Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty."

WOODY: "How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
NORM:  "It's a dog eat dog world, Woody & I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."

SAM:  "What's the story Norm?"
NORM: "Boy meets beer.  Boy drinks beer.  Boy meets another beer."

WOODY: "What's going on Mr. Peterson?"
NORM:  "The question is what's going IN Mr. Peterson?  A beer please,

WOODY: "Can I pour you a beer Mr. Peterson?"
NORM:  "A little early isn't it, Woody?"
WOODY: "For a beer?"
NORM:  "No, for stupid questions."

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Date:    Thu, 3 Nov 2011 07:45:07 -0700
From:    Sandy (AKA MsSam) <sandy@SSIBERT911.COM>

The  guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he
snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him
the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his
hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?"
He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair
all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You
look awful!" He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched
him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man.
The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good
morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him
on the butt and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night."

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Date:    Fri, 4 Nov 2011 00:26:00 -0400
From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: The Name Game

If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty.

If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.

If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.

If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.

If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to
marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.

If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry
Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.

If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and
married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.

If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy
Dogg Pooh.

How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou,
he'd be Boog Alou.

If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then Nathan
Hale, she'd be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale.

If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King
Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener
(mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.

Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes.
Art is knowing which ones to keep.

Bill Stebbins
Live well, Laugh often, Love much...

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