Digest for Sunday, November 21, 2004

There are 8 messages totalling 265 lines in this issue.




Topics of the day:

  1. Ice Between Em
  2. Postal virginity [Kinda adultish]
  3. November 21st - National Adoption Week
  4. Pauly at Sunday School
  5. Sven and Ole Chips
  6. groaner SAPPY..ERR SNAppY come back..4 u weakend trOOpS
  7. Love vs. Marriage.....
  8. Drive through


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Date:    Sun, 21 Nov 2004 07:44:39 -0500
From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: Ice Between 'Em

A blonde had just delivered a baby.  Her doctor came into her room and saw that she had a bag of ice in between her breasts!

"What are you doing?" asked the doctor.  "Isn't that cold and uncomfortable?"

"Yes it is," she replies, "But I have to keep the milk fresh, don't I?"

http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16

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Date:    Sun, 21 Nov 2004 07:36:17 -0600
From:    Les Pourciau <pourciau@MEMPHIS.EDU>
Subject: Postal virginity  [Kinda adultish]

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it.  Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went  to the town's undertaker  (who also happened to be the local postal clerk)  to make the proper "final"  arrangements.  As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:

"BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.  A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker--postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the  tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen.

He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.  For days, he agonized over the dilemma.

But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with ! ; what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.  The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it  read as follows:

"RETURNED UNOPENED"

This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.printcharger.com/emailStripper.htm

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Date:    Sun, 21 Nov 2004 06:25:35 -0800
From:    Sandy - AKA Ms Sam <sandy@CHUCKLESOFCHOICE.COM>
Subject: November 21st - National Adoption Week

Today is the 326th day of the year, with only 40 days remaining in 2004.
=20
November 21st - National Adoption Week
Celebrate adoption successes during the week of Thanksgiving.
=20
TWINS
 A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to = a family in Egypt, and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him = "Juan".
=20
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving = the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her = husband responds, "But they are twins -- if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
=20
=3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =20
BIRTHDAYS:
ACTING -=20
1927 Joseph Campanella, actor (Dr Steffen-The Nurses, Lou-Mannix)=20
1937 Marlo Thomas, actress, [Mrs Phil Donahue](That Girl!, Jenny)=20
1941 Juliet Mills, actress (Nanny and the Professor, QB VII)=20
1945 Goldie Hawn, actress (Laugh-in, Private Benjamin)=20 =20 ARTISTIC -=20
1863 Arthur Quiller-Couch, editor (Oxford Book of English Verse)=20
1953 Tina Brown, journalist publisher (Tatler)=20 =20 HISTORIC -=20
1694 Voltaire [Francois-Marie Arouet], thinker=20 =20 MUSIC -=20
1904 Coleman Hawkins, virtually created tenor saxophone for jazz=20
1933 Jean Shepard, country singer (Ozark Jubilee)=20
1957 Jim Brown, rocker (UB40-Red Red Wine)=20 =20 SCIENCE -=20
1785 William Beaumont, surgeon (studied digestion)=20
1933 Henry Hartsfield Jr, astronaut (STS-4, STS 41-D, STS 61A)=20 =20 SPORTS -=20 1920 Stan Musial, outfielder (St Louis Cardinal, 7 times NL bat champ)=20
1943 Larry Mahan, rodeo champ (1967-70)=20
1944 Earl "the Pearl" Monroe, NGA Guard (NY Knicks, Baltimore Bullets)=20
1959 Tim Wilkison, tennis player (WCT Atlanta finals-1986)=20 =20

Sandy (AKA Ms Sam)
Jest-A-Day Journal
http://jestaday.com

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Date:    Sun, 21 Nov 2004 18:01:07 +0200
From:    Maurizio Mariotti <mariotti@VENTURENET.CO.ZA>
Subject: Pauly at Sunday School

At Sunday school, the teacher asked Little Pauly, "Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?"

"Sure," Little Pauly replied. "Behind the bushes at the back of the church yard."

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Date:    Sun, 21 Nov 2004 09:23:15 -1000
From:    Mickey <m.hennigan2@VERIZON.NET>
Subject: Sven and Ole Chips

Sven & Ole, a couple of Norwegians now living in Minnesota, head for the fair in Duluth. The first thing to catch Sven's eye is the big double Ferris wheel.
      "Oh, Ole," he says, "vould you look at dat. I've always vanted to go on von of dose big Ferris veels. Let's go ride on dat von."
      Ole, not being near as adventurous as Sven says, "Oh, I don't tink so. Dat looks kind of dangerous to me."
      "Vell," says Sven, "you give me yust von good reason vhy you von't go vit me on dat ride."
     Ole couldn't come up with a good reason so up they went. Ole had to admit after the ride that it was kind of fun.
     After another 10 or 15 minutes they came to the roller coaster.
"Oh Ole," says Sven, "Vould you look at dat. Dat's von fine looking roller coaster.  I tink ve should go for a ride on dat."
      "Oh, I don't tink so." says Ole. "Dat looks very dangerous to me."
      "Vell," says Sven. "You give me yust von good reason vhy you von't go vit me on dat roller coaster."
      Again Ole couldn't come up with a good reason so they both went up on the roller coaster. Ole had to admit after the ride that it wasn't so bad.
      After another 10 minutes or so, they came to the bungee jump.
      "Oofdah!" exclaimed Sven. "Vill you yust look at dat, Ole. Dose people yump off dat big tower vit nuttink but a rubber band tied to dare ankles. Dat looks like so much fun. Come on, let's go do it."
      "Oh, I don't tink so," says Ole. "Dat's much too dangerous. Dis is vare I draw da line."
      "Vell," says Sven, "you give me yust von good reason vhy you von't go up on dat tower and yump off vit me."
      "Ya, I give you a good reason," says Ole. "I came into dis vorld because of a broken rubber and, by jimminy, I'm not going to leave it da same vay."

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Date:    Sun, 21 Nov 2004 14:15:47 -0600
From:    raneboux <raneboux@CHARTER.NET>
Subject: groaner SAPPY..ERR SNAppY  come back..4 u weakend trOOpS

Snappy Answer 4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign came up that read, "Low bridge ahead." Before he knew it, the bridge was right ahead of him and he got stuck under the bridge. Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car arrives. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"  The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."



        ~~~~~~~~
thethingsweFEARthemost
wehavealreadygonethrough
          RANEBOUX
              ~~~~~~

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Date:    Sun, 21 Nov 2004 17:32:46 -0500
From:    Terry Galan <galante@MCMASTER.CA>
Subject: Love vs. Marriage.....

Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

Love is dinner for 2 in your favourite restaurant.
Marriage is a fast food take-out.

Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is deciding on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is a tarmac drive.

Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

Love is a flickering flame.
Marriage is a flickering television.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".

In short love is Blind...
Marriage is an eye opener!!!!!

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Date:    Sun, 21 Nov 2004 18:29:14 -0800
From:    Terry Tubman <ttubman@LYCOS.COM>
Subject: Drive through

+Got this from my friend Ana E. Muss+

  The speaker at my bank's drivethrough window had been broken for weeks, and we tellers had to resort to miming or writing notes to communicate with our frustrated clients.
  One day a sweet elderly lady whom I would see every week pulled up to the window, leaned out of her car and smacked the glass in front of my face.
  "Hope this is bulletproof," she yelled.
  There had just been a robbery at another bank nearby, so I was touched by her concern.  "It is," I yelled back.
  "Good," she continued, "because someone is going to shoot you if you don't get that speaker fixed."

--
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