Digest for Wednesday, November 17, 2004

There are 10 messages totalling 419 lines in this issue.




Topics of the day:

  1. Holidaze Shopping Frenzy
  2. PNN Breaking News
  3. WORLDS THINNEST BOOKS.....
  4. Grandpa
  5. Great Comeback!
  6. Pauly and the Elephants
  7. More family wedding advice
  8. November 17th - National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day (UGA Birthday too!)
  9. for the ladys Guy bashing
  10. Weak at the knees


----------------------------------------------------------------------


Date:    Wed, 17 Nov 2004 00:17:00 -0800
From:    Marsha Coleman <marsha1945@SBCGLOBAL.NET>
Subject: Holidaze Shopping Frenzy  <adult at the end>

    >>>  Signs You're Caught Up in the Holidaze Shopping Frenzy  <<<
* Before stepping out of your car, you put in a mouthpiece, slip on protective goggles, and tape your ankles.
* You've somehow convinced yourself that "Visa burn" entitles you to park in handicapped spaces.
* You call the kids to dinner and hear their muffled screams coming from boxes you wrapped that afternoon.
* At 95% off, you don't care if that Acme Iron Lung works or not -- your kids are going to use it and appreciate it!
* Sure, the sign says "1 Gameboy per customer", but they're probably not doing body cavity searches.
* The bank has replaced your Platinum Visa with a one-of-a-kind Plutonium Visa.
* On any given day, you have more plastic on you than Anna Nicole Smith and Pamela Anderson Lee combined.
* In an effort to please your 5-year-old, you trade your 2-year-old for the last Sponge Bob Trampoline.
* Upon awakening on the sofa, you discover 10 beer empties, 5 Cheeto's bags, and an answering machine message thanking you for your order of 100 Dale Earnhardt Hummel Figures.
* The producer of "American Gladiators" calls after seeing you fight for the last 2004's Hottest Toy on CNN.
* Just too busy shopping to fact-check your Fox News segment.
* Currently spending more time at "Amazon.com" than at "AmazonWomen.com"
* Your MasterCard bill arrives on a Zip disk.
* You hike up your skirt in front of the Toys 'R' Us manager, and in a throaty moan utter, "Wanna trade Furbies?"

------------------------------
 Return to Topics
Return to day index
Return to Month Index



Date:    Wed, 17 Nov 2004 05:02:42 -0500
From:    Paul Benoit <phyfendrum@HOTMAIL.COM>
Subject: PNN Breaking News

BREAKING NEWS from PNN.news.com

-- Yassar Arafat is listed in stable condition after dying last week in a Paris hospital.

PNN:
Making you more informed and obnoxious than when you woke up.
************************************************************
 2004 PBen News Network, Inc.   "We say it, you believe it."

------------------------------
 Return to Topics
Return to day index
Return to Month Index



Date:    Wed, 17 Nov 2004 06:00:01 -0500
From:    Terry Galan <galante@MCMASTER.CA>
Subject: WORLD'S THINNEST BOOKS.....

FRENCH WAR HEROES
by Jacques Chirac

HOW I SERVED MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda

MY BEAUTY SECRETS
by Janet Reno

HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN AIRPLANE
by John Denver

MY SUPER BOWL HIGHLIGHTS
by Dan Marino

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton

MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
by Osama Bin Laden

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates

THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman

MY WILD YEARS
by Al Gore

AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS

DETROIT: a Travel Guide

A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J. Kevorkian


ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE
b y Ellen de Generes

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson

SPOTTED OWL RECIPES
by the EPA

THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson

And the world's Number One Thinnest Book

MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton
with introduction by The Rev. Jessie Jackson

------------------------------
 Return to Topics
Return to day index
Return to Month Index



Date:    Wed, 17 Nov 2004 05:49:47 -0600
From:    Les Pourciau <pourciau@MEMPHIS.EDU>
Subject: Grandpa

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."
The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.
The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.printcharger.com/emailStripper.htm

------------------------------
 Return to Topics
Return to day index
Return to Month Index



Date:    Wed, 17 Nov 2004 08:47:19 -0500
From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: Great Comeback!

A a big mouth college student challenged a senior citizen saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his world.
"You grew up in a different world," the student said.  "Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, nuclear energy, computers, the internet .  .  .  "

Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the senior said, "You're right sonny .  We didn't have those things when we were young.  So we invented them!"

http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16

------------------------------
 Return to Topics
Return to day index
Return to Month Index



Date:    Wed, 17 Nov 2004 15:46:40 +0200
From:    Maurizio Mariotti <mariotti@VENTURENET.CO.ZA>
Subject: Pauly and the Elephants <groaner>

Pauly is sent by his Company on an open-ended mission to Africa. In fact, it is so open-ended that they told him not to come back. Anyway, Pauly finds himself in the African forest and comes across an elephant standing very still with his trunk raised in a graceful loop.

He did not want to disturb him, and worked his way round, and carried on his way. A few hundred yards further on, Pauly found another elephant standing in the same position, but facing away from him. He had to ask, so he said  to the elephant. "What's going on? You are the second elephant I have seen today standing so still !"

The elephant did not look round but said out the corner of his mouth "Oh, do go away, we're playing at bookends !"

------------------------------
 Return to Topics
Return to day index
Return to Month Index



Date:    Wed, 17 Nov 2004 08:11:33 -0600
From:    Tom and Carrol <tcr@CHARTER.NET>
Subject: More family wedding advice <hillbilly, that is>

Then there was this guy and gal who took to courtin'.  The after a whirlwind romance they up and got hitched.  His family was so proud their son had finally found somebody to marry (he was already 17 and she was a fully ripe
14) they bought them a little cabin at the foot of the hill they lived on for them to move into.

Come the weddin' night and here comes Josh runnin' up the hill to his Pa's place.  "Ma!  Pa!  Guess what?  Jackie-Jo's a Virgin!!"

"Son, you done the right thing comin' home like this," his pappy said solemnly.  "If she aint good enough for her own family, she aint good enough for ourn."

------------------------------
 Return to Topics
Return to day index
Return to Month Index



Date:    Wed, 17 Nov 2004 08:08:28 -0800
From:    Sandy - AKA Ms Sam <sandy@CHUCKLESOFCHOICE.COM>
Subject: November 17th - National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day (UGA Birthday too!)

Today is the 322nd day of the year, with only 44 days remaining in 2004.
=20
November 17th - National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day On the Wednesday of the week before Thanksgiving Day, take time to clean = and organize your refrigerator before the holiday season. Make room!
=20
DIET TIPS
I remember one time when I was home visiting my folks. My mom asked me = to set the table for dinner. I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the = door was a risqu=E9 picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built, but scantily-clad young = woman. "Mom, what's this?" I asked.
=20
"Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to overeat," she answered.
=20
"Is it working?" I asked.
=20
"Yes and no," she explained. "I've lost 15 pounds, but your dad has = gained 20!"
=20
=3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =3D =20
BIRTHDAYS:
UGA CONTRIBUTOR -
1963 Randall Woodman (http://www.taglinesgalore.com) =20 ACTING -=20
1925 Rock Hudson, actor (Pillow Talk, A Farewell to Arms)=20
1943 Lauren Hutton, model/actress (American Gigolo, Lassiter)=20
1944 Danny De Vito, actor (Taxi, Ruthless People, Twins)=20
1958 Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, actress (Color of Money)=20 =20 ARTISTIC -=20
1901 Lee Strasberg, director/instructs actors (Somewhere in the Night)=20
1942 Martin Scorsese Queens, director (Mean Streets, Last Temptation of = Christ)=20 =20 HISTORIC -=20
1878 Grace Abbott, social worker (US Children Bureau)=20
1887 Bernard L Montgomery, British general (WW II-African campaign)=20 =20 MUSIC -=20
1919 Hershy Kay, composer/arranger (Olympic Hymn)=20
1938 Gordon Lightfoot, folksinger (Sundown)=20
1967 Ronald DaVoe, rocker (New Edition-Heart Break)=20 1980 Clarke Isaac Hanson, guitarist-Hanson (MMMBop)=20 =20 SCIENTIFIC -=20 1790 August Ferdinand Mobius, mathematician, inventor (Mobius strip)=20 =20 SPORTS -=20 1890 Jack Cusack, pro football pioneer (Canton Bulldogs)=20 1930 Bob Mathias, decathlete (Olympic-gold-1948, 52)=20
1944 Tom Seaver, pitcher (NY Met, 300 game winner, Cy Young '69 '73 '75) =

=20

Sandy (AKA Ms Sam)
Jest-A-Day Journal
http://jestaday.com

------------------------------
 Return to Topics
Return to day index
Return to Month Index



Date:    Wed, 17 Nov 2004 08:13:02 -1000
From:    Mickey <m.hennigan2@VERIZON.NET>
Subject: for the ladys Guy bashing<adult&lang>

GUYS SUCK......and let me tell you why.

FARTING - How come it's cool for you to do it and disgusting if we do it. And must you lift your leg?

JOCK-ITCH - Get help!  Do you see us scratch?
We don't want to see you scratch either.

PORNOS - Why do you want to see other guys getting what you can't.
By the way, it's not good for our skin.

PICK UP LINES - Not!

DOUBLE STANDARDS - If you can do it, why the hell can't we?

HONESTY - Learn the concept.  It is a good thing.

SENSITIVITY - Get some!!!!

DEODORANT - It's only small change at the corner store.  Buy it.

LOCKER ROOMS - Hello.....air freshner.

HEADS - We know you have two.  Keep one in your pants and get the other out of your ass.

You can't beat up everyone who looks at us.

Being drunk is not an excuse to sleep with any thing on legs.

Believe me, sex is NOT number one and you are NOT number one at it.

Why must you tell ALL of your friends about everything you do with a girl?  They all had the same DREAM last night anyway.

Do not blame everything we do on P.M.S.  You should be glad we're not  pregnant.

Try matching your maturity level to your age.

We are NOT objects.  We have feelings, thoughts and ideas.  We can even form words like "FUCK YOU!!!"


There is more to life than playing cards and video games - How old are you??

Why do we have to look good and you can look like shit?

Can we eat like humans - utensils were made especially for this purpose. Ever heard of knives, forks, and spoons?  How about napkins?
(This does not include shirt sleeves.)

WAKE UP CALL! - Wasting a ton of money on tuition every year to get drunk, get laid, and play sports is fucking retarded. If you're interested, become a professional athlete and at least GET PAID for it.

I am not putting myself through school to carry your sorry, lazy ass through life.

BIRTHDAYS - If you can remember the size of your cock to the exact millimeter, then you can remember our birthday.

Rulers were not made to measure your genitalia.
They were not made that small.  Why measure it anyway?  There will always be someone bigger and believe me, we can find him.

Romance is not three seconds of sweat and nothing and then rolling over and going to sleep.

The one thing you are good for, you are not good at!

Remember Meg Ryan's famous 'faking an orgasm scene'?  Sound familiar?

When we say we're lost without you, we're probably high.

When you screw up, a rose would suffice, but if it's not too much trouble,  a dozen would be nice.

WANDERING EYES - We know you look.  Try not to make it so obvious.

GET A CLUE! - When we say "HARDER!, FASTER!"
we're not referring to your breathing pattern.

To the FEW nice guys who don't apply to these statements and never get the  time of day, here's a note of hope.....WE'LL WISE UP SOONER OR LATER AND YOU'LL GET YOUR CHANCE. HANG IN THERE.

------------------------------
 Return to Topics
Return to day index
Return to Month Index



Date:    Wed, 17 Nov 2004 19:19:25 -0800
From:    Terry Tubman <ttubman@LYCOS.COM>
Subject: Weak at the knees

+Got this from my friend Ana E. Muss+

  One of the guests on a daytime talk show was relating how her boyfriend made her go weak at the knees.  "What would you do to make my knees go weak?" my sister-in-law asked my brother.
  "I could stand on your shoulders," he replied.




--
_______________________________________________
Find what you are looking for with the Lycos Yellow Pages http://r.lycos.com/r/yp_emailfooter/http://yellowpages.lycos.com/default.asp?SRC=lycos10

------------------------------
 Return to Topics
Return to day index
Return to Month Index