Digest for Saturday, April 10, 2004

There are 9 messages totalling 315 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. Easter
  2. PDF - redacted
  3. TODAYS DATE: April 10th, 2004 - National Siblings Day
  4. What If?
  5. What the Easter bunny taught me
  6. Tech Support...[May offend stupid people]
  7. Why are we still there?
  8. Military Wisdom.....
  9. growing old


Date:    Sat, 10 Apr 2004 04:39:17 -0500
From:    Marsha Coleman <marsha1945@SBCGLOBAL.NET>
Subject: Easter

Easter General ~ Rabbit E. Lee

Easter Comic ~ Bunny Hill

Easter Crooner ~ Tony Bonnet

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Date:    Sat, 10 Apr 2004 05:47:04 -0400
From:    Paul Benoit <phyfendrum@HOTMAIL.COM>
Subject: PDF  -  redacted

Presidential Daily Brief, Aug. 6, 2001:
(declassified with portions redacted for security purposes)

Subject: Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the U.S.

Al Qaeda boss Osama bin Laden determinted to strike in U.S...when
President Clinton...disgust...Lewinsky...country weak...then...no
national unity.....new.....President Bush...Osama...fears...
..no...planes...hijack...no...won't do...fears...President Bush...
bin Laden...wants Clinton...Lewinsky.

MSN Toolbar provides one-click access to Hotmail from any Web page  FREE
download! http://toolbar.msn.com/go/onm00200413ave/direct/01/

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Date:    Sat, 10 Apr 2004 06:08:26 -0700
From:    Sandy - AKA Ms Sam <sandy@CHUCKLESOFCHOICE.COM>
Subject: TODAY'S DATE: April 10th, 2004 - National Siblings Day

Acting - Chuck Connors (1921); Peter MacNicol (1954); Harry Morgan (1915),
Haley Joel Osment (1988); Steven Seagal (1951), Omar Sharif (1932); Max von
Sydow (1929).
Artistic - Kahlil Gibran, Turkish poet (1883); David Halberstam, American
writer (1934); Clare Booth Luce, American journalist (1903); Joseph
Pulitzer, American journalist/publisher (1847); Paul Theroux, American
writer (1941); Lewis Wallace, American novelist (1827).
Historic - William Booth, English Salvation Army founder (1829); James I,
King of Scotland (1512); Clare Booth Luce, American diplomat (1903); Frances
Perkins, first woman U.S. Cabinet member (1882); Matthew Perry, American
Admiral (1794); Lewis Wallace, American General (1827).
Music - Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds, singer/songwriter (1957); Bobby Hatfield
of Righteous Brothers (1940); Eddie Hazel of P-Funk (1940); Mandy Moore, pop
singer (1984); Terre Roche of Roches (1953); Brian Setzer of Stray Cats
(1959); Bobbie Smith of Spinners (1936); Bunny Wailer (Neville O'Reilly
Livingstone) of Wailers (1947); Sheb Wooley (1921).
Sports - John Madden, sports commentator (1936).

Take your brothers and sisters out to lunch today!

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth
class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The
instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went
like this:

"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we
decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that.
Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you
so much I decided to bring home another wife.'"

One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook???"

Sandy (AKA Ms Sam)

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Date:    Sat, 10 Apr 2004 09:13:25 -0400
From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: What If?

An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife that she
should take out life insurance. "Suppose your husband were to die,"
he said, "What would you get?"

The housewife thought for a while, and then said, "Oh, a parrot,
I think. Then the house wouldn't seem so quiet."


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Date:    Sat, 10 Apr 2004 08:11:09 -0500
From:    Les Pourciau <pourciau@MEMPHIS.EDU>
Subject: What the Easter bunny taught me


Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.
Walk softly and carry a big carrot.
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
There's no such thing as too much candy.
All work and no play can make you a basket case.
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention.
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.
Some body parts should be floppy.
Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans.
Good things come in small sugar-coated packages.
The grass is always greener in someone else's basket.
An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare.
To show your true colors - you have to come out of your shell.
The best things in life are still sweet and gooey.
        Author Unknown

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Date:    Sat, 10 Apr 2004 11:19:00 -0400
From:    Marianne E Rantz <merantz@VERIZON.NET>
Subject: Tech Support...[May offend stupid people]

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok.  Right click again.  Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir.  Can you tell me what you have done up until this

Customer: "Sure.  You told me to write 'click', and I wrote 'click'."

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Date:    Sat, 10 Apr 2004 10:47:59 -0500
From:    Tom and Carrol <tcr@CHARTER.NET>
Subject: Why are we still there?

Why are we there?

Every day there are news reports about more deaths. Every night on TV,
there are photos of death and destruction.
Why are we still there?

We occupied this land that we had to take by force, but it causes us nothing
but trouble.
Why are we still there?

Their government is unstable, and their only leadership is a strongman.
Why are we still there?

Many of their people are uncivilized and they dress oddly.
Why are we still there?

There are more than 1000 religious sects which we don't understand.
Why are we still there?

We can't even secure the borders.
Why are we still there?

They are billions of dollars in debt and it will cost billions more to
rebuild - which we cannot afford.
Why are we still there?

It is becoming very clear

We must abandon California!!!

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Date:    Sat, 10 Apr 2004 12:58:12 -0400
From:    Terry Galan <galante@MCMASTER.CA>
Subject: Military Wisdom.....

   "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you
 least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of
        your unit." -Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

  "Aim towards the Enemy."  -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

        "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
                            -U.S. Marine Corps

    "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are
       guaranteed to always hit the ground." -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

                "If the enemy is in range, so are you."
                             -Infantry Journal

    "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you
                  just bombed." -U.S. Air Force Manual

    "Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never
            encountered automatic weapons." -Gen. Mac Arthur

          "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
                               -Infantry Journal

      "You, you, and you....Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
                       -U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

                       "Tracers work both ways."
                          -U.S. Army Ordnance

    "Five second fuses only last three seconds."  -Infantry Journal

    "Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever
             volunteer to do anything." -U. S Navy Swabbie

        "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
                                  -David Hackworth

   "If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
                                 -Infantry Journal

           "No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection."
                                   -Joe Gay

            "Any ship can be a minesweeper... once."  -Anon

       "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
                           -Unknown Marine Recruit

         "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
                                   -Your Buddies

          "If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."
                            -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

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Date:    Sat, 10 Apr 2004 10:44:46 -1000
From:    Mickey <m.hennigan2@VERIZON.NET>
Subject: growing old

You know you're growing old when....

* You've found yourself discussing the weather.

* You remember your kid's names, just not always the right

* You have nightmares about forgetting to move the garbage
cans to the street for the garbage collector.

* You buy "age-defying" makeup and "anti-wrinkle" creams
and believe they work.

* You've realized that all those geeky people in Bermuda
shorts walking around Disney World include you.

* You recognize Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned
into elevator Muzak.

* As a public service, you have agreed to never appear on
the beach in a Speedo again.

* You've had three opportunities to buy every single Disney
Animated Classic-"For the last time in a generation"

* Wal-Mart and Target seem to share your fashion sense.

* The only way you know to stop a virtual pet from beeping
involves the patio and a sledgehammer.

* You can pack two suits, Five shirts, five ties, five pairs
of underwear, five pairs of socks, a pair of shoes, and half of
your bathroom into a carry-on bag-in less than five minutes.

* You think if you hear "Stairway to Heaven" one more time
your head will explode.

* Your weight-lifting program seems to have no effect on your
muscles, but the veins on the backs of your hands are bulking
up quite nicely.

* On Saturday night, when your wife mentions "Hot oil, a little
friction, and squealing", you tell her you'll have the car looked
at first thing on Monday morning.

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