Digest for Tuesday, February 12, 2002

There are 13 messages totalling 678 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. Afghan Woman Finally Grows Sick of Roleplay
  2. Worst Job.....
  3. Puns of the Weak: 02/08/02 (Part 4)
  4. The exercise class
  5. "Quick... call the plumber!" the Old Perfesser piped in.
  6. Check The Brakes
  7. Resigning
  8. Federal Air Marshals
  9. February 12th - Nothing Day
  10. soccer mom
  11. Aint seen nuttin
  12. Thinking outside the box
  13. This Weeks News In Brief


Date:    Tue, 12 Feb 2002 02:06:32 -0500
From:    Rollo Tomasi <rollotomasi718@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: Afghan Woman Finally Grows Sick of Roleplay

JALALABAD - From the moment she was married ten years ago at the age of 14,
Meena Massoud has dutifully worn a Burka.  She has refused to travel outside
unless accompanied by her husband, Ahmed, and even then, she has trailed him
by 6 paces.  But ever since she came across a Frederick's of Hollywood
catalog left behind by a US Marine, Meena is ready for a change.

"It's ridiculous!" snorted Meena.  "I want to be a good wife, and I'm
willing to do some pretty goofy things to spice up our sex life, but ten
years of playing 'Ali Baba and the 40 thieves' is too much.  I mean, when
does something move out of the realm of "kinky fun" and become a fetish?  I
can tell you right now, that when I agreed to 'Burka Girl' roleplay, I never
intended to be a 'lifestyler.'"

"You never can tell with women what they are willing to go for," shrugged
Ahmed.  "I was pleasantly surprised Meena would do the whole "Harem Dancer"
routine.  Sure, I would have liked a change of pace sometimes, maybe light
B&D, some spanking maybe.  A little oral wouldn't have hurt.  But I didn't
want her to think I was some kind of freak.  So I just kept doing what I was
doing.  We were both comfortable with it.  I thought she liked it.  If
anything, she was topping from the bottom."

"Besides, she's not the only one who has a gripe," continued Ahmed.  "I grew
a beard, fired my gun into the air at regular intervals, and loudly decried
America whenever she was within earshot.  As a result, I lived in a world
without television and nearly got the crap bombed out of me.  NOW she tells
me she wants variety!"

"Listen, I had no idea there were so many different games we could play,"
explained Meena testily.  "I could be a French maid or a sexy nurse, a
strict English schoolmarm or a naughty Schoolgirl, a feisty cheerleader or
Jane of the Jungle, who knows - maybe even a damsel in distress saved by my
knight in shining armor.

But there Ahmed draws the line.  "I am not going to pretend to be a
Crusader!" he sputtered angrily.  "That is strictly forbidden by Islam!
Besides, everyone knows the Ren-Faire women are all chunky."
© 2002 National Lampoon

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Date:    Tue, 12 Feb 2002 05:10:43 -0500
From:    Terry Galan <galante@MCMAIL.CIS.MCMASTER.CA>
Subject: Worst Job.....

Zoo sperm bank worker Mohd. Binatang bin Goncang wins "Worst Job in

Wildlife Reserves Singapore (WRS), which runs the Singapore Zoo, has set
up a bank of sperm and animal tissue in order to help preserve species.
The thankless task of collecting the sperm falls to Mr. Binatang's,
starting his rounds at 4:00 a.m. "We start so early in the morning because
a lot of the animals have 'morning glory' when they wake up and it's
easier to collect the sperm. Wearing rubber gloves and carrying a cooler
box filled with ice and tupperware, Mr. Binatang, 25, told us that he'd
just graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in life sciences.
He liked nature and animals and thought that the Singapore Zoo would be
the perfect place to work.

"I never thought I'd be giving an orang-utan a hand job every morning,"
he said somewhat ruefully. "And he is the worst, he expects to be kissed
first. "As we approached the orang-utan enclosure, we saw the Zoo's most
famous resident lying casually on his back, hands behind his head and
sporting a huge erection. Applying the massage oil onto his gloves, he
lingered outside the enclosure before entering and knelt before the orange
beast. About 2 minutes' worth of squelching noises could be heard before
Mr.Binatang emerged again.

Next the tiger enclosure, the big cats were sprawled lazily on the grass
verge, in a somewhat half-hearted manner as he put on a fresh set of
gloves and entered the enclosure. "Here, kitty, kitty,kitty..." Moments
later, he emerged with several tupperware full of viscous fluid.

"Isn't it dangerous?" we asked. Mr. Binatang was silent for a while. "They
know I'm not there as an enemy," he finally said, a glazed, faraway look
in his eyes. Worked his way round the zoo, finished his rounds at 3:00 pm
in  the afternoon. Carrying out his duties with the tapirs, the
rhinoceros, giraffe and the gorillas, amongst others. "Each animal is
different," he said, removing his gloves, now speckled with traces of
polar bear spunk.

"The chimpanzees always want to be hugged afterwards. The elephant is the
most tricky because of the size of its thing. Sometimes I have to use both
my arms to tug on it. As you can expect it's really affecting my sex life.
I can't help it. Each time my wife initiates sex, these ejaculating hippos
keep floating through my mind."

How long will he stay difficult to know, but deputy assistant director Lai
Jee Seow thinks it is important to continue. "It's because the animals
have gotten too used to Binatang coming over every morning to pull them
off," said "Many of them now can't be bothered to engage in real sex."

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Date:    Tue, 12 Feb 2002 03:48:35 -0800
From:    Stan Kegel <kegel@FEA.NET>
Subject: Puns of the Weak: 02/08/02 (Part 4)

                        FOR THE CHILDREN:

 •How do you know when a train is eating?
        You hear it chooing. (Ethan, 4)•
 •Why didn’t the teddy bear eat dessert?
        Because he was stuffed. (David, 6)•
 •What happened to the egg that laughed too hard?
        It cracked up (The Daily Groaner)•
 •What part of the fish weighs the most?
        The scales (Raquel)•
 •Patient: "Doctor, Doctor, I think I am a dog."
Doctor: "Lie down on the couch."
Patient: "I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture."  (Richard Lederer
and James Ertner)  •
 •What kind of dog can tell time?
        A watchdog (Sylvia, 9)•
 •How do they label bathrooms at dog shows?
        Pointers and Setters  (Richard Lederer and James Ertner)•
 •What kind of work does a weak cat do?
        Light mouse work (GR8 Humor)•
 •Why do golfers carry two pairs of trousers with them?
        Just in case they get a hole in one. (Harold Clark)•
 •A termite walks into a bar and asks the person behind the counter,
"Is the bar tender here?" (The Daily Groaner)•
 •Why does the sky cry?
        Because it’s blue. (Zoyla, 9)•
 •Why is it so hard to fool a snake?
        Because you can’t pull its leg. (Nora, 10)•
 •How much does a grand piano cost?
        $1000. (Joe)•

                        FOR ADULTS ONLY:

 •What's the difference between a nun at vespers and a nun in the
        A nun at vespers has hope in her soul.   (Richard Lederer) •
 •What do you call a pimp who doesn't like blow jobs?
        A headless whoresman (Gary Hallock)•
 •A lonely guy sees a beautiful gal sitting alone at the bar. He
approaches her and says, "Hey, Baby! You must be from Jamaica because
Jamaican me horny!" She turns, takes one look at him, and answers, "You
must be from the Yukon because Yukon go screw yourself!" (Stan Kegel)•
 •According to archaeologists, for millions of years Neanderthal man was
not fully erect. That's pretty easy to understand considering how ugly
Neanderthal woman were. (Biker Lynn)•
 •Did you hear about the gay bear that laid his paw on the table? (Very
 •A guy goes into a bar and says to the bartender "Man, I'm dying to
have sex in the worst way. “ So the bartender says, "Well, the worst way I
know of is standing up in a hammock." (dotcomedy)•
 •Jack had a blind date with Jill for the prom and, as the evening
progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her. After some
really passionate embracing, he said, "Tell me, do you object to making
love?" "That is something I have never done before," Jill replied.
"Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?" Jack was amazed. "No,
silly!" she giggled. "I've never objected!" (Over the Edge)•
 •She may have been a blind prostitute, but you had to hand it to her!
(Adrian Bozzay)•
 •A man went to the tattoo parlour and had the words "yes" and "no"
tattooed on his penis. When he got home that night, he approached his
wife in their bedroom. He stripped off his pants and shorts, revealing
his aroused organ and its new tattoo. "What do you think, honey?" he
asked his wife. Deliberately she said, "You tell me how to cook, you
tell me how to clean the house, you tell me how to do the laundry, and
now you're going to put words in my mouth?" (Biker Lynn)•
 •What's the difference between a baby boy and an opera director?
        A baby boy sucks his fingers.   (Richard Lederer) •
 •Why are cowgirls bowlegged?
        Cowboys like to eat with their hats on. (Mike Spence) •
 •What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny lady?
        A counterfeit dollar is a phony buck.  (Richard Lederer) •
 •The worst thing about getting your penis caught in the bicycle chain
isn't the overwhelming pain, but that long, sickening moment, when
you're stuck there in that awkward position, and you suddenly realize
that you're going to have to describe the entire event on an insurance
claim form. (Hershy)•
 •Virgin with thimble on finger never feel prick. (Furhman)•
 •Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
        So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides. (Whimsical Wits)•
 •Women went wild over the professional stud because they liked the way
his balls would jiggle low. (Richard Lederer)•
 •My penis is 12 inches long, but I don't use it as a rule. (Jan Hyde)•
 •In a survey, 80 percent of women thought their ass was too fat, 15
percent said their ass was too thin and the other five per cent said
they didn't care - they would have married him anyway! (Don Z’Boray)•
 •A nervous teenager forgot to bring a condom on the occasion of his
first sexual experience. The resourceful youth used a thin stocking and
really socked it to her.  (Harvey C. Gordon)  •
 •How can you tell when a man is well hung?
        When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the
noose. (LAB)•
 •My friend got his sleeping pills and Viagra mixed up. He went to bed
and got his 40 wanks! (Stan Kegel)•
 •Prostitution is a fast groin business. (Gary Hallock)•
 •Sex is a lot like doing laundry, if you have a small load, do it by
hand! (Over The Edge)•
 •What's the difference between the Panama Canal and an airhead?
        One is a busy ditch.  (Richard Lederer)  •
 •What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?"
(Marilyn Pittman)•
 •How can you tell if two lesbians are twins?
        They not only look alike, but they lick alike too.  (Over the Edge)•
 •Donuts: No such thing. Only bucks have 'em. (Gary Hallock)•
 •What's the difference between sin and shame?
        It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out. (Whimsical

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Date:    Tue, 12 Feb 2002 06:14:59 -0800
From:    Les Pourciau <pourciau@MEMPHIS.EDU>
Subject: The exercise class

     He signed up for an exercise class and was told to
     wear loose fitting clothing. If he had *had* any
     loose fitting clothing, he wouldn't have signed
     up for the exercise class!

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Date:    Tue, 12 Feb 2002 08:04:09 -0500
From:    Paul Benoit <PBenoit@SPEEDLINE.COOKSON.COM>
Subject: "Quick... call the plumber!" the Old Perfesser piped in.

The old and MrsPerfesser watched the grandbaby for their
daughter. At the end of the day, MrsPerfesser said, "Whoo,
I'm really worn out. I remember being exhausted when our
daughter was a baby... Now, with the granddaughter, I'm
exhausted all over again!"
The old perfesser replies, "It's to be expected, hon. Why
do you think they call folks our age re-tired?"

       -- + -- + -- + -- + -- + -- + --

The old perfesser was yelling at the airport: "If you can
fly this plane 2000 miles in the dark, and find Los Angeles,
you can find my bags!"

       -- + -- + -- + -- + -- + -- + --

The old perfesser moves away from a bank window, counts his change,
and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the
wrong change!"
"Sir, you stepped away from the counter," said the cashier. "We
don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do
about it now, that's the policy of this bank."
"Well, okay," said the old perfesser. "Just thought you'd like to
know you gave me twenty dollars too much. Buh-bye. "

       -- + -- + -- + -- + -- + -- + --

[excerpted from The Old Perfesser's diary]

Dear Diary,

I decided to search my roots. Boy howdy, did *I* get a big surprise!
I found out I've got Arab ancestors!
From now on, I'm gonna have everybody call me by my new Muslim name:
"Seldim bin Laid"

                            - The Old Perfesser

       -- + -- + -- + -- + -- + -- + --

The old and MrsPerfesser had been arguing all day - she STILL
ain't happy he's retired - and just sat staring daggers at each
other over supper.
Finally, the old perfesser spits out, "You have a flat chest and
need to shave your legs... have you ever been mistaken for a man?"
MrsPerfesser retorts, "No, have you?"

       -- + -- + -- + -- + -- + -- + --

      submitted by The Old Perfesser
      special to The Valdoster Daily Snooze

As a former French Professor, well, I must say I'm shocked at
the provincial attitude around here! All the recent editorials
and letters to the editor about speaking only American, no need
to know any other languages, etc.
I tell you, I've been to Spain and France, and they don't speak
anything else BUT Spanish and French over there... and if those
Frenchies can learn that language, I just can't understand why
our young people would have any problems.
So, I will be offering, over the next several weeks, reasons why
French is better than... better than... well, better that ANYTHING!

Part 1:
 French is Better than Chocolate!

 - Speaking French won't make you gain weight
 - French doesn't melt in your mouth or in your hands
 - French isn't bad for your teeth
 - You never run out of French
 - You can speak French before, during, and after meals
 - Too much French won't make you sick
 - French is free
 - You don't need to hide French from the kids
 - French won't make you hyper
 - Sharing French is better than speaking it alone

Beware of Greeks baring gifts.
                     - The Old Perfesser

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If you are not the intended recipient, you should delete this message and
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Date:    Tue, 12 Feb 2002 08:37:28 -0500
From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: Check The Brakes

A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age as his
wife.  The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became
a nightmare when he found that he could not last long enough to
satisfy his young bride.  His wife, as understanding as she was
exciting, told him that all was well even if he was quick to get
out of the saddle.  Determined to satisfy this sweet young thing,
the man visited the doctor to get some advice.

"Doctor, I can't seem to hold back for very long when I make love
to my young wife and I can't satisfy her.  What can I do?"

The doctor smiled, patted him on the shoulder, and said in a
professional manner, "Try a bit of self-stimulation before having
intercourse with your wife and you'll find that you'll last longer
and ultimately satisfy her."

"Okay, Doctor.  If you think that will help."

Later that afternoon, his young bride called him at work to let
him know that she would be attacking him at the front door when he
arrived home.  "Be prepared, my darling, I'm going to ravish you,"
she cooed over the phone.

Undaunted, the man decided to follow the doctor's advice.  But
where? In the office?  The Xerox room?  What if someone walked in
on him?  He got in his truck and began the journey home.  Soon he
decided he would find a spot on the road to pull over, climb under
the truck and pretend to be inspecting the rear axle, and do the
deed there.  A moment later, he pulled over, crawled beneath the
truck, closed his eyes tightly, fantasized about his young wife,
and began his "therapy."

A few minutes later, just as he was about to complete his therapy
session, he felt someone tugging on his pants leg.  Keeping his
eyes tightly shut to avoid ruining the fantasy he was enjoying,
he said, "Yes?"

"Sir, I'm with the Police Department.  Could you tell me what you
are doing, please?"

"Yes, officer, I'm inspecting my truck's rear axle," he replied

"Well, you should've checked the brakes, your truck rolled down
the hill a few minutes ago."


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Date:    Tue, 12 Feb 2002 14:31:27 +0000
From:    Randall Woodman <rwoodman@ATTBI.COM>
Subject: Resigning

The pastor shocked the congregation when he announced
that he was resigning from the church and moving to a
drier climate.

After the service, a very distraught lady came to the
pastor with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Pastor Bob, we are
going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!"

The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said "Now,
now, Carolyn, don't carry on. The pastor who takes my
place might be even better than me".

"Yeah", she said, with a tone of disappointment in her
voice, "That's what they said the last time too...."

-=} Randall {=-  First thing a new pastor learns: Sheep

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Date:    Tue, 12 Feb 2002 10:01:46 -0600
From:    Rowe, Thomas <trowe@UWSP.EDU>
Subject: Federal Air Marshals

Subject: Federal Air Transportation

Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary
to hire a private investigator - Mr. Alan Pinkerton. He was
actually the beginning of the Secret Service.

 Since that time federal police authority has grown to a large
number of three / four letter agencies - FBI, CIA, INS, IRS,
DEA, BATF, ATF, etc.

Now comes a proposal for another agency: The "Federal Air
Transportation Airport Security Service." Can't you see it
now, the new service in their black outfits with their initials in
large white letters across their backs? "FATASS."

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Date:    Tue, 12 Feb 2002 08:13:05 -0800
From:    Sandy - AKA Ms Sam <sandy@CHUCKLESOFCHOICE.COM>
Subject: February 12th - Nothing Day

A day to help "nothers" to find imaginative ways to fill in the blanks on
their job applications and resumes.

 ~ "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels and my ability to
complete projects on time is unspeakable."

 ~ "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in

 ~ "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

 ~ "Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."

 ~ "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

 ~ "I am a rabid typist."

 ~ "Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a
gourmet pig mail order service on the side."

 ~ "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for

 ~ "Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

 ~ "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."

 ~ "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and
absolutely no one."

 ~ "References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."

 ~ "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

 ~ "Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were
unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."

 ~ "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in
meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

 ~ "I procrastinate -- especially when the task is unpleasant."

 ~ "I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to
my resume on my office voice mail."

 ~ "Qualifications: No education or experience."

 ~ "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

 ~ "Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

 ~ Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you

Sandy (AKA MsSam)

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Date:    Tue, 12 Feb 2002 08:54:44 -1000
From:    Mickey&Karen <mhenn@GTE.NET>
Subject: soccer mom<lang>

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old
soccer players aside and asked, "Do you understand what
cooperation is?  What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or
lose together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when a foul  is
called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him
a pecker-head.  Do you understand all that?"

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another
boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call
your coach 'a dumb asshole' is it?''

Again the little boy nodded.

"Good," said the coach.  "Now go over there and explain all
that to your mother."

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Date:    Tue, 12 Feb 2002 16:37:36 -0500
From:    Lee_Bradley <lbradley@VALDOSTA.EDU>
Subject: Ain't seen nuttin'

Instead of following the turn arrows painted on the road, the drunk
(again) Young Whipper Snapper winds up getting on the expressway headed in
the wrong direction. Cars are whizzing past him left and right, trying
to avoid a head-on collision with the idiot.

Finally a cop pulls him over, and the cop screams at him: "What do you
think you're doing? Didn't you see those ARROWS?"

"Arrows?" asked TYWS, "I ain't seen no arrows; I ain't even seen no

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Date:    Tue, 12 Feb 2002 19:13:08 -0800
From:    Terry Tubman <ttubman@ANGELFIRE.COM>
Subject: Thinking outside the box

+Got this from my friend Ana E. Muss+

A few days ago I went to the copy place.  I needed 80 copies. The
guy told me that if I made fewer than 100 copies, each copy would
cost 4 cents. But if I made at least 100 copies I would get the
discounted rate of 2 cents per copy.

I told him to make 80 copies of the front of the document and make
20 copies of the blank back. I could use the blank paper later on
for other purposes. He probably never thought of this situation
before; he gave me an angry look but copied the documents anyway.

Is your boss reading your email? ....Probably
Keep your messages private by using Lycos Mail.
Sign up today at http://mail.lycos.com

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Date:    Wed, 13 Feb 2002 00:20:45 -0500
From:    The Punk with the Stutter <thepunkwiththestutter@YAHOO.COM>
Subject: This Week's News In Brief

Smiling Willie Nelson Reflects On A Lifetime Of Weed And Women

LUCK , TX— Taking a long, slow drag off a joint, country-music legend Willie
Nelson reflected on a lifetime of weed and women Monday.  "I've had some
pretty fine times," said a smiling Nelson between hits at his West Texas
ranch.  "And some pretty fine ladies.  Some of the names have escaped me,
but the memories never will."  Nelson then retired to his backyard, where he
drank beer and strummed his favorite guitar while watching the sun go down.

Moviegoer Can Already See Where Commercials Will Go

MILTON, MA— Twenty minutes into a screening of Disney's Snow Dogs Monday,
moviegoer Ryan Friesen announced that he can already tell where the
commercial breaks will be inserted when the film is aired on ABC sometime in
2003.  "Right there... commercial," Friesen said to himself as Cuba Gooding
Jr., who stars as a Miami dentist who inherits an dogsled team, heads off to
Alaska.  "That'll be the first break, right around 8:20 p.m., assuming they
start it at 8."  Friesen has previously called the commercial breaks for the
films Jumanji, Home Alone 2, and Twister with 80 percent accuracy.

Valentine's Day Coming A Little Early In Relationship

MONROE, MI— Area resident Todd Munde, who has been dating Lisa Watros for
the past three weeks, lamented Monday that Valentine's Day is coming a
little early in the couple's relationship.  "It's kind of weird to be doing
the whole romantic flowers-and-candy Valentine's Day thing with somebody you
just started seeing," said Munde, 30.  "Ideally, we would have started
dating last October.  That way, Valentine's Day would have fallen somewhere
around the four-month mark.  Oh, well."

Woman Who Claims Book Changed Her Life Has Not Changed

MEMPHIS, TN— Despite claims that Bruce Wilkinson's The Prayer Of Jabez:
Breaking Through To The Blessed Life, "totally changed [her] worldview,"
payroll secretary Brenda Haskell is the same shallow, distracted person she
has always been.  "Yeah, ever since reading it, she's really been elevated
to a higher, more profound spiritual plane," coworker Stephanie Roule said.
"I guess that's the spiritual plane where you spend all day obsessing over
your nails."

Vanquished Foe's Skull Makes Surprisingly Bad Wine Goblet

DEATH MOUNTAIN— The skull of Wynric Lance, failed claimant to the throne of
Eirea, does not make as good a wine goblet as Lord Shryke had imagined, the
despot revealed Monday.  "This damn thing is practically impossible to drink
out of," said Shryke at a banquet celebrating the defeat of the Army Of
Light.  "You have to hold it just right to keep the wine from spilling over
the parietal bones where they connect with the occipital.  And there's a
leak in the left temple.  As much as I love the idea of using it, it's just
stupid and impractical."  Shryke concluded that while he might end up
drinking from Lance's skull "occasionally, for show," he plans to retain his
set of brass flutes for everyday use.

Senate Subcommittee On Energy And Water Development More Like A Family

WASHINGTON, DC— Sen. Pete Domenici (R-NM), ranking Republican on the Senate
Subcommittee on Energy and Water Development, revealed Monday that the group
is "less a Senate subcommittee than a big family.  "[Senator] Harry [Reid
(D-NV)] isn't just chairman of our subcommittee.  He's more like a dad to
us," Domenici said.  "We can talk to him about anything that's troubling us,
even if it has nothing to do with the allocation of hydroelectric power."
___   ___   ___   ___   ___
© Copyright 2002 Onion, Inc.

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